Wednesday, April 25, 2012

When Outback Gives You Sirloin...

Hypothetical scenario:

You get a coupon in your email for Outback that says "Buy One, Get One Free Ribeye Dinner" (see, that's how you know this is hypothetical because Outback would never do that) and you're like, "Sweet!" and you get all fancied up in your Sunday best and you head on out to the Outback.

Then you get there, and the whole way, you can taste that flame broiled ribeye, because that is some good shit, pornorifically delicious some might say, and the waiter says, "Oh, I'm sorry.  We're all out of the ribeyes, but we can give you the same deal on our sirloin instead"...

Well...that's disappointing; heartbreaking some might say.  I mean, yeah, sure, on any other given day, you'd be damn happy for that sirloin, because it's not a bad deal, and hey, it is still Outback, and you can still get a bloomin' onion, but saw that coupon for the ribeye, and you got your hopes all up, and you're tasting that shit.

You wish you'd never seen that coupon at all.  I mean, life would have been perfectly fine if you'd never even knew that coupon existed, you would be grateful for that fucking little dried up hunk of tough sirloin.

But that you know what you could have had but you missed out on, it's damn near impossible not to choke on that sirloin but you accept the deal begrudgingly because, hey.  It's better than hamburger helper, right?  Absolutely acceptable, and it fulfills all of your requirements for a perfectly adequate meal.  And you still get that bloomin' onion, so it's not that bad.

So you should be grateful for that fucking sirloin and not whine about the ribeye that you missed out on because it was never promised to you in the first place.

Still...I hate it when that happens.  My resolution is to try to be one of those people who's grateful for the god damned hamburger helper and stop obsessing about the fucking ribeye that I think I deserve.

Because there are people who feel blessed to even have the helper part, nevermind the hamburger.

I need to be okay with being an Eddie, and get over trying to be a Clark.

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