The gubment do take a bite, don't she?

Remember how I complained recently about being bored?  I take it all back!

My goals for this year included trying to make amends for mistakes I had made in my past.  To continue on a path of being a better person, make amends, become an upstanding member of society, yada yada yada, and then boom!  Your past mistakes catch up with you with a vengeance and despite all of the effort and progress you've made, you're back to square one.  Or, actually, back to square minus 1.

Or, minus every cent in your bank account.

Without going into too much detail, due to past indiscretions, I had managed to rack up a substantial amount of back taxes due to the world-famous IRS.  This was the time to make up for that; the Rottenator and I both have stable incomes, stable jobs, and it was time to repay my debt to society.

I did not realize that society would be so swift and vengeful.  Oh, yes, people complain about how lax and ineffective the US government is, how they take forever to get anything accomplished, but obviously that does not include the swiftness and efficiency they display when it comes to getting paid.

And oh yes, did they ever get paid.

Not two days after filing this year's taxes and contacting an agent to discuss payment arrangements regarding past due taxes, the IRS swooped swept(?) in and summarily wiped out our bank account.

Every...fucking...cent.

So as I sit here, helpless wondering how we're going to pay our bills, make our way to our jobs, keep our car and our house and even the Nooge, I find myself wondering...why bother?

Why bother trying to be a better person?  To right past wrongs?  To make up for past mistakes? To even have hopeful expectations that this life is anything other than a constant struggle to barely manage to keep your head above water to barely survive?

It would be fantabulous if I were a stronger person, if I could withstand the constant obstacles that life throws at you and still move forward cheerfully, with the faith and knowledge that everything will be just fine.  But I am not.

I can't decide if I am weak, or if I'm just over it.  Like, "been here, done that, finished with the struggling already, please give me a fucking break".

I blame myself. I know that I have dug this hole for myself, but seriously, can't I have two second of being bored without the higher powers stepping in and saying, "Oh, you're bored?  You're not happy with your life?  Well, deal with this then, heifer!"

Doesn't God realize that sometimes you're PMS-ing and you just need to vent, and he doesn't need to go around mucking things up just to make life more "interesting"?

Not that I blame him; I'm too Catholic and too fearful of his wrath to do that, but seriously...I take it back. I take it all back.

Much like the IRS.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Sidebar: did you know that this was the theme song to M.A.S.H.?  That was one of my Dad's favorite shows. For some melodramatic reason that just makes me more sad and depressed.

What Can I Say, Bitch Can Cook...And Clean

So, my traditional Southern New Year's Spread turned out to be a smashing success, if I do say so myself.

Ham, Hoppin' John (with black eyed peas and sausage), cornbread and collard greens.  Assured to bring good luck and wealth in the New Year.

It'd damn well better because I cooked and cleaned my ass off today.

I am the superstitious sort and so I succumb to the ritualistic portions of the holidays, in this case, being you should ingest some sort of greens and corn to ensure wealth (dollars and cents), the black eyed peas for luck, and the pork...well, everything tastes better with a little pork, doesn't it?  Though surprisingly, chicken isn't part of this holiday tradition.  I guess it's because fried chicken is part of every Sunday southern supper, so you switch it up with pork on special occasions to get all fancy.

No champagne toast, those are a thing of my past, but a day's worth of cleaning because this signifies a clean sweep of the year before and starting off the next one brand new, as it were.

And I vacuumed and swept and laundered my heart out today, which is why I am exhausted and it's only 6:30pm.

But I feel better looking at a clean house; in the past I never really understood the phrase "cluttered surroundings, cluttered mind" but it makes sense.  There's less stress when everything is neat and tidy.

So I enjoyed my mopped and swept floors for a few hours until the Rottenator and the Nooge awoke and then, inevitably, chaos and mess ensued.

The Rottenator spent the day watching football and playing video games.  I hope he's enjoying the last day of his vacation because I sure as hell am ready for him to go back to work.  It's frustrating when his version of a vacation is exactly that: not doing a damn thing.  Literally.  On my few and far between days off there seems like there's always something to do: cleaning, grocery shopping, there's always something.  Must be nice to have someone else worry about those things so you are free to sit on your lazy ass all day playing with yourself and your controller.

A part of me is glad the holidays are over, a part of me is not.  Because now it's back to the same old mundane routine of work, cook, clean, sleep, and so forth.  Nothing really exciting to look forward to unless you count Harry Potter and Universal but September seems so far, far away.

But until then, there's only one thing left to do I guess.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Cankles and Fat Rolls and Muffin Tops Oh My!

Perhaps if I'd stuck to my original plan of trying to limit my food intake for about a week before my flight, I wouldn't feel like this today:

Oh, well.  Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  The two sausage biscuits this morning probably didn't help either.  And now my jeans are screaming for mercy.  Oh, but if only this weren't a business trip and I could travel comfortably in my fancy pants.

But alas, I cannot.  So I will endure, and pray that I won't need a seatbelt extender.  And hope that I miss the Rottenator and the Nooge, because right now, they are both on my last nerve.  Kathleen needs a break!

Until next time, my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day (natch):

Oh, but if I could channel Audrey Hepburn today!  And I'd forgotten that John Denver wrote this song originally, but I felt it bad luck and/or karma to post a video of him performing it, no?

Saturday Night & I Ain't Got Nobody

So, my life is kinda in limbo right now.  Not a bad kind of limbo, like it has been for the past, oh, TWO months, but limbo nonetheless.

Tonight I feel more positive about the future than I have in quite a while (like, in, OH TWO MONTHS) but still, nothing is set in stone.  Though I am determined to use the power of the Secret and instead of thinking, "Oh, no, don't plan ahead like things are going to work out in your favor, you'll jinx yourself", I'm moving forward as if things are going to go down exactly like I planned.

Yet I still can't bring myself to go into details here about what I'm planning for exactly, but I think it's more that "I don't know you like that yet" instead of "If I talk about it, it won't happen".  At least that's what I'm telling myself.

I'll be sure to let you know more next week.  Suffice to say...I like the direction my life is heading in right now.

Still and all, in the words of the immortal Tom Petty:

The world should run on my timetable, dammit.

The Spider Situation

To the spider I allowed to cohabitate my home for the past few days:

Even after the initial horror of discovering you when I turned on my lamp, I overlooked your continued presence in Bella Cucina. You see,  I'd read on some stupid website somewhere that a spider in the house was a sign of good luck.  Obviously, the writer of that proverb had never heard of a black widow, or a brown recluse, but okay, whatever.  You weren't bothering me, I didn't bother you.  I could tolerate you much as one tolerates an unwanted, but unobtrusive, roommate.

Clearly you felt emboldened by my disregard of you, or perhaps it hurt your feelings, or maybe you were looking to commit suicide by proxy, I don't know.  Whatever the case, you decided to become a bit more intrusive.  Such as...dropping from the ceiling onto the keyboard of my laptop, which you obviously thought would spur me on to more drastic actions.  When we stared each other down, and I refused to participate in your game, you decided that a leap in my general direction would surely illicit the response you so (apparently) desired.

Unfortunately, a shriek from me as I frantically scrambled away and practically kicked my computer onto the floor while telling my fiance not to hurt you because I heard you were good luck, was not the correct counter to your forward move.  You were obviously frustrated by my attempts to be a good samaritan and decided on moving forward with a plan which could no longer be ignored.

You had babies.

I knew they were yours when the first tiny speck of a spider hatchling crawled across my computer screen.  You taught them well.

So, when finding you hovering above the door, no doubt planning your next suicidal leap:

I knew what had to be done.   It was inevitable, and what both of us really wanted in the end.

Prophetic Phortune Cookie

Eastern Buffet for dinner.  God, I love that place.  Even more so after tonight.  Despite the poison sushi which made me quite sickly (a rarity, because their sushi is usually quite delicious; I'm putting the blame on my unpredictable digestive system), it was a stellar meal, because I was blessed with not one but two, TWO fortunes in one cookie.

Normally, here is where I would insert a picture of said fortunes.  Unfortunately, they were misplaced on my travel home, which I am also blaming on my illness.  However, I can paraphrase quite nicely:

"Wish upon the first star you see to bring you good luck the next day"

and

"You will take a chance in the near future and have good luck"

Of course, I'm reading anything and everything into these proverbs as I have a very important interview coming up in a few days which could greatly improve my life, so I'm feeling hopeful.  Of course, with my paranoid and over-analytical nature, I'm also worried that the fact that I lost said fortunes means that everything else is negated and the exact opposite of what was said is going to happen.

It doesn't take a Chinese dessert to tell me that I'm insane.  That I already know.

On another food-related note, I was given a free Starbucks iced caramel macchiato to taste test this morning.  Now, I am not normally (read: hardly ever, more like never) a coffee drinker, but something you will come to learn about me is that I never met a free food that I turned down.  My middle name should be sample.  Honestly, you could serve me shit on a shingle, and I would eat it if it were free.

Point is: I fucking loved that cup of coffee, and highly recommend it to coffee and non-coffee drinkers alike.  It was insanely awesome.  Like me.