I am not necessarily political, but seriously Republicans, get the fuck over yourselves. The Affordable Healthcare Act is a fucking LAW.
I have never been embarrassed to be an American until now. These fuckers that run our country have shut down our government (whilst getting paid their own salaries mind you) and 800,000 federal workers are either furloughed or being told they are going to work without pay.
Blows my fucking mind how obviously racist and classist this country still is.
Just see this, people. And do it if you can. The Bloggess puts it together so much more eloquently than I ever could.
On a personal note, went to visit my sister this weekend to celebrate what my niece claims is her 8th birthday, but you never know with this child, everything that comes out of her mouth I take with a grain of salt.
Don't trust those baby blue eyes
It was a good visit. It's been a good week, actually. Good to have one before the pre-op (boo!) stuff next week.
Oh, and we had a potluck at work, and I took the infamous pickle dip, and it went over like gangbusters, so here is the recipe. You can thank me afterwards.
8 oz cream cheese, softened
16 oz sour cream
1 tsp garlic salt
1 jar refrigerated pickle spears (preferably Claussen)
Whisk together room temp cream cheese and sour cream until smooth. Roughly chop pickles (do not use a processor; hand chop into bite sized chunks). Add chopped pickles to sour cream/cream cheese mixture.
Refrigerate overnight; serve with sturdy plain potato chips. Stand back and prepare to be in awe.
Cheapest, best potluck recipe ever.
Until next time, here is my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:
It's kind of weird when you are a woman and you realize that you are not necessarily equipt with those natural instincts to procreate and mother young offspring; in fact, you realize that you are more like a panda mom, or an elephant mom who tries to stomp your children to death in order to avoid taking care of them.
My sister is amazemballs and I love her children to death, and when I am privileged to observe what she has to deal with on a daily basis...I am completely in awe.
I don't know where the mominator instinct bypassed me, but it did. Hell, I can barely deal with a moody cat, but I visit my sister and watch her handle three headstrong (albeit hilariously intelligent) children with utmost patience and understanding, and I am completely impressed.
She is patiently answering questions about the same subject over and over again, and tending tantrums and minor injuries with seemingly effortlessness while I am in the background arguing with my nearly 8 year old niece about how she's going to ruin my one umbrella, my ONE umbrella, and you have it on the grass, and now it's half damaged, and I don't care if your birthday is two weeks after mine, it's my birthday this weekend, and give me my umbrella and stop breaking stuff already!
God, you would think I was an only child, and I know that you are already thinking the same thing: thank GOD she has not procreated.
I am an awesome aunt, however. I'll give myself that. There is nothing better than little kids that just love you for you and are so excited to see you when you come to visit. And I will volunteer to babysit them anytime, anywhere, because we always have hilarious adventures together.
And I will always make sure that I'm the one that they can call when they need bail money. All I ask for is a group hug at the end of it like the one I got this weekend.
My sister made sure I had an awesome birthday, full of Crimson Tide and Hello Kitty and pickle dip and pee wee football (those parents are kray kray!) and it was exactly what I needed. Turning 24 (ahem) has never felt so awesome.
Especially the purple Hello Kitty purse...don't hate.
And of course I didn't hear back about my test results so I will spend the entire weekend exploiting the whole "really? Well, I may have cancer!" angle until it's worn the hell out and everyone who knows me tells me to go fuck myself, which will be entirely understandable.
Hopefully I will find out on Monday or Tuesday; still leaning towards the hysterectomy; everyone I've talked to: "You don't want kids? Get that shit taken out, what are you waiting for?"
In the meantime, looking forward to a good day with the sis and the fam tomorrow; will try to tone down the "C" talk in front of the kiddies, but make no mistake: I'm riding this sucker out.
Incidentally, have any of you ever thought about a will or an obituary or things like that? Kind of morbid, I know, but I'm currently composing a pretty killer (no pun intended) obituary, because I tend to lean towards the morbid anyway, and I would have done this with or without the possible cancer diagnosis. This just gives me an excuse.
That's the first thing I thought about when the doctor handed me a pamphlet with the word "Dysplasia" at the top of it...
Yes, my first thoughts were of a much beloved and underrated movie from 1986 called Lucas wherein I was first introduced to the term " Leukoplakia".
Why, I don't know; just one of those things.
Sooo...had my Colpol today and needless to say, the doc was not satisfied with the results. So after much scraping, and sample taking and pamphlet giving, looks like I may have to have a minor surgery called a "LEEP" . We'll find out for sure on Friday...possibly Monday or Tuesday of next week, but in the meantime, I am going to milk this possible cancer thing because it is my birthday weekend, and if there is any way that I can feel more special, I'm going to exploit it.
With things like this:
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/122371314848308086/
Does that not look like the most delicious thing ever? I have demanded it of my sister....because I can... because possible cancer. Don't hate, I'm taking it easy on her, I could have demanded this!
But I didn't because she is a mother and does have a life and doesn't have multi-hours to spend on creating a spectacular dessert...besides, if she mastered this before I did, I could never live with myself.
And now off to sleep to prepare for another day at work....even though....screw you work I possibly have cancer!
Anyway, for whatever reason these two Dwight Yoakam songs have been in my head...don't know why...perhaps it's the cancer....
Christmas was nice but over too soon. I did manage to make it to my sister's for a very brief visit but it was awesome waking up and seeing the kids all get their Christmas gifts.
Of which there were many; you can read about that here and see a god awful pic of me as well. I am beginning to think that my sister is passively-aggressively taking out latent hostility towards me which is left over from my supposed torturing of her in our earlier days. Either that, or she's just not a very good picture taker. But I love her anyway ;-)
Work is still exhausting. The Rottenator asked how I could be so exhausted from just sitting and talking on the phone all day and it's kinda hard to explain how mentally draining this job is to someone who doesn't understand it. Hell, I don't understand what I'm doing half of the time...which adds to the exhaustion. The best way to explain my job is to imagine sitting for 8 hours a day doing math problems. Word math problems. When you're not good at math.
Pretty much sums it up.
So, 2013 is upon us. And I know, everyone says, "Oh, I'm not going to make resolutions; it's so stupid and predictable and everyone makes resolutions, so I'm going to be different and contrary and not make any." Well, to those people, I say "fuck off, loser, stop trying to be contrary and different because now the fad is to NOT make resolutions so you're still a poser who's just trying to be different for the sake of being different."
So I'm making them. Because I'm edgy and cool. I saw this on Facebook the other day and because I was having a particularly bad one where I doubted everything and was hating my life and questioning my existence on this planet and my purpose in life, I reposted it.
And though it may be cheesy and sentimental, I still feel that way. It's the most difficult resolution of all, however, isn't it?
So, onto other ones, some more or less difficult, some more or less realistic and serious.
In no particular order:
I'm still kinda serious about the 365 milkshakes taste-test in 365 days. Perhaps it will lead to a book deal and not the life-threatening diabetes which is probably the more realistic outcome.
Lose (not loose, grammatical idiots) 40 lbs which is in direct conflict with the resolution above. Also, eat healthier so I feel better and not sickly and tired all the time.
Doctors appointments: mammogram, physical, gynecologist, dentist, top to bottom check out. Bloodwork included.
Celebrate my birthday at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios. I have not yet celebrated my fourth decade on earth as a monumental occasion, so I may as well make this the one.
Start writing again; even if that means nothing more than updating this blog more faithfully. It gives me a creative outlet and keeps my brain from stagnating.
So far, that's the list. I'm not going to go crazy with it, because then I'll look back on it as a insurmountable, unachievable list of "things I will never accomplish so fuck it all!" and not do a damn one of them, so let's keep it simple, stupid.
So, less of a list of resolutions and more of a touchstone of goals that I need to keep focused on. That works for me.
Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:
Sidebar: I know nothing of this band, or any of their other songs; I just know that Pandora played it on my station today and I must say: great job Pandora! Usually the songs they pick for me at random are totally like, WTF, seriously?!? How do you get Michael Buble from my stating that I like Oasis and Blur, but whatever...
This one was different, though. Very catchy. Foster the People. I'm afraid to research them for fear of ruining my enjoyment of this catchy little ditty.
Update: of course, I had to read up on the band. Good news: I'm still okay with them! Better news: I found a song I like that's only a couple of years old.
Kinda funny: they played this song on the Vampire Diaries. Which explains why I had visions of myself dancing around in my bra and underwear getting drunk with Damon Salvatore. And why I looked like Buffy Summers.
Ooooh, another update: I'm suddenly 16 years old just looking at these two together.
Another resolution: get really hot, be 20 years old, and have a devastatingly handsome and dangerous vampire boyfriend. Noted.
I'll feel up to writing a real post but until then, brief update:
Things are going well; very well. New car, new cell phone, new washer and dryer, work is okay, new license, got my nails did, the Nooge is still driving me crazy, the Rottenator is as well, and I'm okay with being 41. In fact, I'd forgotten about turning 41...until now. Dammit.
I went to Carowinds with my sis and her fam last weekend for my niece's birthday. It was SOOO much fun, and I'm stealing a photo from her site to show just how much fun I had:
Me and Vic
I need to see the dentist
Could I be any toothier?
Incidentally, I rode EVERY rollercoaster, something I never would have done 100 lbs ago and I found out that I LOVE it. It's addicting...and with me having an addictive personality...well, let's just say there are worse things to be addicted to.
I did manage to convince my sister onto one rollercoaster and it was all fun and games til we saw the pictures. You know the ones that they snap of you at certain points of the ride? Well, let's just say that while my sister and I felt like this as we were riding the coasters:
The reality was much more like this:
And this:
Needless to say...we passed on purchasing the pics.
So, I'm watching the Emmy's and realized that I no longer watch enough television to relate to the Emmy's or even really enjoy them anymore. I blame television programming more than I blame myself.
Even though I did take the advice of a friend and finally caught up on this show called "Episodes" on Showtime starring Matt LeBlanc from, ironically enough, Friends. Of course, it's on Showtime, so I guess all television is not bad...just network television.
Here's a clip from the episode I related to the most because it dealt
with LeBlanc's growing old and getting fat. Unfortunately, I couldn't
find a clip of the very end, where he's watching old footage of himself
while eating an entire cheesecake, but this was funny too.
This was my birthday weekend, and overall, it was a success. My sister did a particularly excellent job of celebrating the wonder that is me by providing a Pinterest worthy spread of Japanese food, including crab rangoon dip, pb & j sushi rolls, beef skewers with yum-yum sauce and a Hello Kitty cake!
As my brother-in-law said, "just what every adult needs". Indeed. I even shared my rings with my nieces...some of them.
Oh, and when I arrived back at Bella Cucina, I found two big boxes awaiting me and they contained these wondrous delights:
Purple retro diner barstools! They are totally awesome sauce, and expertly put together...by me...alone. Which is why they are put together correctly...unlike our new entertainment center...which is put together assbackwards...with unpainted particle boards staring out at me like ugly scars that haunt my nightmares. Yes, I'm looking at you, Rottenator. With your non-direction reading, no-patience having ass.
These chairs, however, are perfect and beautiful and I've made myself nauseous and almost barfed numerous times by spinning around in them and sitting up really high so I can pretend I'm tall. They're also Nooge-approved.
More angles from which to attack.
I also got two lovely cards; one from my niece, the Artist-Futurally-Known-As-Victoria:
And even the Rottenator showed he had a heart:
Though this doesn't make up for the fact that he also ate the leftovers of my birthday dinner behind my back and polished off the White Chocolate Reeses but left the empty bag in the candy drawer. WTF, doesn't he know me and my food issues by now?!!! Whatever.
I also bought myself some birthday goodies.
Finish date TBD
Shark Footie Pajamas!
Cute, right?
These are not, unfortunately, Nooge-approved.
Protective gear
And I'm finally joining the Smart-world; only 1 gig too late, but I'm still excited...
I'm purple, biatch!
So perhaps I'll soon be able to post pics with better quality than these:
Let me help you with that typo.
All in all, a successful birthday, so there's no reason to feel depressed and anxious...none at all...
So, even though I didn't get something accomplished yesterday that would be a BIG deal for me while taken for granted by a lot of other people (i.e., people who can drive), I'm okay today.
For now; it's still early. Things that are okay today:
I got some sleep yesterday.
The Rottenator and I are one step closer to getting a new car.
I got a comforter for $17! And it's nice.
It's fall which means the weather is nice and the holidays are getting closer.
I ate a double Whopper yesterday and lost four pounds...in one day.
Which brings me to this point; I shall link to my sister's blog because we have the same problem. Our bodies are endlessly fascinating, but not in the cool "oooh, look at that, it's so sparkly and lights up and awe-inspiring and beautiful" way like this pumpkin:
I'm purple and sparkly and light up, say what?!?!
But more in a WTF is going on!?!? kind of way. I can eat ice cubes and celery for a week or eat ice cream and pizza and my body only deviates 5-8 lbs. The only problem with this is that my body is comfortable at a weight that I am not comfortable with it being...at.
I'd be much more comfortable minus 25-30 lbs, frankly, but I think this would entail exercising and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet.
So I'm going to have to deal with this for now. Oh! I just realized something! I had half a bottle of water yesterday so maybe that's why I lost 5lbs. Take note, sis! Half a bottle of water is the magic exlir. Now watch, I'll drink a whole bottle of water today and either wake up 10 lbs lighter, or have gained 15. Who knows.
But that will not concern me today.
6. I got a new vacuum cleaner.
7. I found this in my mother's yard:
Not near a sewer...possibly still a ninja
Just chillin' in her front yard. You can't see it in the picture, but he had evil orange eyes which prevented me from picking him up despite my sister's urging because she "wanted to see what happened". Mom says it's a box turtle. I figured it probably escaped from the teenager who lives next door who probably bought him about 10 years ago when he was the size of a teaspoon and he finally managed the 30 steps to the front yard.
I highly doubt he is a river cooter. That would have been too cool! Then I could have totally texted this pic to everyone I've ever met with the title "Check out my cooter!" And then laughed hysterically because I'm so fucking hilarious. 8. I haven't thought about my birthday once today...until now...dammit.
9. I got nothing.
10. I have to end my list in a even number of 10 because not doing so would disrupt the natural order of things.
Remember not too long ago when I was complaining about NOT having a job and having no $?
Well, now I have a job and we have a bit of $ and now I'm complaining about my job, and my weight and my lack of motivation to clean my house so seriously, when am I going to stop whining and complaining and start counting my blessings?
Not today, kiddo, I can promise you that.
This job, OH-EMM-GEE, this job. Well, not this job as much as this fucking whoremouth passive aggressive bitch from hell instructor I have who doesn't know her ass from a hole in the wall and treats a group of fairly intelligent women like children is driving me batshit crazy.
Completely. She's awful, GOD awful, I couldn't stress that more. But I'll sure as hell try. Let me just say this much: Meryl is consistently making top scores in the class and SHE is going to her manager complaining about this woman. 'Nuff said.
The part I hate the most is that she makes me feel stupid and incompetent. Not only is she not teaching us the important tools we need to be successful at our jobs, she is teaching us INCORRECT information. She's twisted and dangerous and not in a fun, exciting way.
I shouldn't let it affect me like it does, but I can't help it. I don't like feeling stupid, or having people treat me condescendingly. I'm used to being the condescending, smart one. So I guess this is karmic payback.
Well, enough already. Of the karmic payback, that is. October 1st. 10/1/12 is freedom; we move onto the next phase and have a new instructor. And I can't fucking wait. Maybe I'll have the motivation to clean my house by then. Wouldn't it be nice if the Rottenator would do it for me?
Smiling is a sign of weakness
Doesn't that look like an enthused, strapping young man capable of washing a dish or changing a light bulb or, god forbid, scrubbing a toilet just ONCE?
I guess not. That's the face of a weak-stomached individual who got nauseated at the sight of the green goo coming out of a Cadbury's Screme Egg and couldn't finish it after one bite.
I ate two!
His loss, btw. These things are delicious; another sign that Fall is coming, and not soon enough. The weather is also getting cooler, which I'm enjoying.
So what am I complaining about anyway? Not anything of importance, obviously. But still I do.
First off, that whole passing tests and doing well at my job experiment? Yeah, well, no one informed my brain of the decision to continue with this mission, so yeah, I failed my test. By one freakin' question. Just one more correct guess, and I would have been like Proactive: useless, but managing to just barely slide under the radar enough so that my incompetence wouldn't be noticed. Good for him.
Retest in two weeks; at least this time I'll know a little more about what to study even without the help of my evil heifer of a trainer. Much like last time. So, not much has changed. Only now, I'm a failure.
Which was confirmed by a recent motivational message posted at my job:
Whatever. I'm tired. One thing that is not a failure of an experiment:
Verdict: cute and delicious: like me! Despite outward appearances.
Another discovery: the Nooge has proven not to be useless (though still a nuisance as he is currently chewing through the power cord of my laptop): he is a fearless roach trapper. I would say killer, but he loses interest about halfway through his mission, which is when I swoop in and trap the hideous monster (no, not my kitten, the other one) in a tissue and flush it down the toilet with only a minimum of hysterical shrieking.
Teamwork, we has it! I would insert a picture of said dead roach here, but that would entail me stopping my panic long enough to snap a photo and that would entail even more shrieking, so you'll just have to imagine it.
**I started this post about two weeks ago; not much has changed except work is still sucking, I really need to go to the dentist, and my house is even dirtier than it was two weeks ago. I'm in a funk, and not in a cool. Funkytown kinda way. I miss having friends. I miss going to nice restaurants and trying new foods, and seeing movies and watching interesting television shows and discussing them ad nauseum. I miss spending time with people I have common interest with, not people who try to support me in my interests, and hobbies, but deep down, don't "get them"...or me. I'm tired of eating at restaurants with buffet, corral, or barrel in their names and gagging down mediocre or outright disgusting "food". I'm tired of feeling middle-aged, though I guess I technically am.
Yes, first world problems, I have them. Or the birthday blues. Whatever. Oh, and I'm tired of hearing "things could be worse". Yeah, I know, I remember, I was there.
Yes, today was the much anticipated family reunion that I have been looking forward to for weeks, and it was all that and a bag of chips. Or, more specifically, all that and a yummy bucket of Frogmore Stew, potato salad and entertaining relatives.
It couldn't have been nicer. It was in honor of my aunt's 75th birthday and her son hosted it at his gorgeous house and we all showed up looking our most gorgeous selves and it was SO much fun to reminisce, eat, laugh, reconnect, and catch up on what we've all been up to the past few decades.
I wish I had more pictures but my phone camera sucks, and I don't have a real camera, so I'll have to await pics posted by my sister before I can update and steal them, but in the meantime I will post two that I have stolen from my cousin...or should I say, my long lost sister.
My real sis, cousin-sister, and me!
See, that shorty in the middle is our cousin Miss Priss as she is affectionately known, and she's actually our double cousin because her mom is our mom's cousin, and her dad is our father's brother, so I guess it's safe to say our family tree doesn't branch out too far. Hey, we are Southern.
Don't we look beautiful though? This is only an example of the beauty present at the reunion. Here is the first generation, brothers and sisters from whom we have all inherited our good looks, our biting sarcasm, our wit and humor, our downright orneriness at times, and our excessive sweat glands and unruly hair.
The OG Originals
No, we are not perfect, and we have our foibles and faults, but I love these people with all my heart.
There were no wrinkles, no gray hairs, expanded waistlines, old standing feuds, or petty disagreements present. There was just...family. And it was beautiful.
I wish my crappy camera could have done justice to the beautiful flower arrangements on the tables, but you'll have to take my word that they were spectacular as well.
But alas, there was no tunafish gravy. But maybe next time. And as a promise to my uncle, I'll work a little harder to regain my Southern accent and stop sounding so much like a damn Yankee.
I hope everyone else had a good weekend. I'm off tomorrow on a business trip to the NJ/NYC area. The Rottenator and the Nooge will be left without supervision yet again...god help us all...more specifically, God help my house...and the Nooge. I hope it's not too much like Thunderdome.
My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day (in preparation for my trip):
There is nothing my family enjoys more than spending quality time together during the holidays:
And cheesecake. Red velvet tie-dyed cheesecake, that is.
I hope all of you have wonderful Memorial Day weekends with your own families, and many thanks to my sis and fam for a wonderful day, and delicious food! :-)
Unlike my sister who, admittedly, made a very cute backwards dinner for her kids yesterday, I have never been a fan of this most useless of pointless of mean-spirited and downright stupid "holiday".
The MOST useless you say? What about Feb. 29 you ask? Hey, man, back off. Feb. 29 is too cool, it happens once every four years, like Presidential elections, Olympics, and World Cup...all which are much less cool than Leap Year, so by default, Feb. 29 is better than April 1. Plus, if my birthday was on Feb. 29, I wouldn't be 40 fucking years old. I feel you, Cameron.
The main reason I hate April Fool's is that I am a particularly gullible sort, and easily embarrassed, therefore, I do not like tricks played on me. And most April Fool's Day pranks are designed to confuse the witless, and embarrass the already socially awkward members of our society of which I am included.
Also, they are just plain fucking mean and created in order to make people look and feel like assholes. I feel like that enough already by myself on any given day, I don't need a whole day dedicated to people trying to remind me of that. I'd rather watch a video of a kid whacking his dad in the nuts with a baseball bat on an endless loop for 24 hours than spend the whole damn day being suspicious of everything and anything I see and/or hear: "Oh, really, Mom's feet fell off and she needs to go to the emergency room? Try again, sister!"
And honestly, are the "pranks" ever really clever or funny? Can you remember one that worked ever that caused you to laugh hysterically, or did you just think "Wow...that's kinda mean" or worse, "Damn...HOW much time did they spend on that colossal fail of a trick?" Not one, I'd wager.
That being said, while perusing Gawker, I did come across one particular April Fool's Day joke that was cute, harmless, clever, and made me feel good instead of cringing internally.
May I present: Warby Barker, designer eyewear for dogs.
How cute is that pug with a monocle? Damn cute, that's how much. See, this is what I'm talking about, people. So next year, aim high. Strive for pranks that make people feel better, or feed them delicious backwards meals that look like something they're not, and are creative, and tasty.
Although my tastebuds would be very confused and suspicious...and I'd probably react with a distrustful "I don't like it" like my three year old niece, but at least I could verbalize to you how much I appreciated the effort.
**Updated: see, I'm not the only one. Dooce feels my pain.
