And then there's this...

I love the Bloggess.  She says what I wish I could say but she said it first.  And she puts it so succinctly.

Which is why she has a book and I do not...yet...

I recently fought myself out of a deep hole of depression that was affecting everything in my life, and then I got myself some happy pills, and immediately felt better.

Yes, I realize that some of the "feeling better within an hour of taking a pill" was probably psychosomatic, but still, whatever works, right?  Bottom line:  I'm feeling pretty good right now.

As in:  I don't feel that my job is destroying me. I have put that bad boy back in its place:  it is a paycheck, it is a secure job, with possible advancement and decent benefits.  It does not define me, and when I clock out at 6:30pm, I can leave it there.  And I don't cry in the shower every morning before I have to go in just thinking about it.  And seriously, Kathleen, with everything else going on in the world... snap the fuck out of it.

Yes, I talk to myself in the third person.  It's one of the many things that Kanye West and I have in common.  Incidentally, please take the time to read this article; Kanye is crazy.  I love this man and his music is brilliant but he is batshit nuts.  Which is probably why I have sympathy and love for him.

Bottom line: I'm feeling better.  Life is manageable.  And I am reminded time and again of other people who have it much, MUCH worse than myself who still manage to soldier through without a hint of a complaint.

I have a very close "work" friend who has lupus and was recently admitted into the hospital because her kidneys were failing, and she needs chemo.  This very strong woman relayed this information to me very casually from her hospital bed where she was being pumped full of chemicals, and her one request: "just send me some funny messages to cheer me up".

And here I am, my entire family is happy and healthy, and I'm whining because my job may be a little bit challenging.

Whatever.

I have decided to forgive myself (it's easier that way) and focus on the good.  And the funny.

With that in mind, let us all celebrate the fact that I have recently lost 7 lbs by doing no more than "doing" all of my major eating at lunch, and restricting my dinner caloric intake to a minimum...and cutting out the evening snacking altogether.  It sucks, because I do miss my 1am gelato break, but I am willing to sacrifice it in the meantime if this is the end result.


My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Hangin' With My Homies

So, my sister asked me to watch my nieces yesterday, because she and my brother-in-law were taking my nephew to a comic book convention, and I have to admit, at first, I was hesitant.

Not that I don't adore these chirren with all my heart, but still...it's a big responsibility.

I mean, anything could happen. Cuts, scrapes, bruises, broken bones, drowning, abduction, drug overdose, dismemberment, murder-suicide...you just never know.

But I agreed, and I am so glad I did, because we had the best day!

It wasn't 10 seconds after my sister left that the 7 year old turned to me:

"So...when are we going to the pool?"

Drowning.

But, I dutifully packed them up, and down to the pool we went...at 9:30 in the morning.  We were the only ones there, naturally.  Because it was barely 80 degrees and overcast, but still, we managed to spend a couple of fun-filled hours without anyone turning blue, and then the 7 year old turned to me:

"So...when are we going to Claire's?"

So we dried off, slapped on some makeup, piled into the Mazda, and thanks to Google Navigation, off we went.

We didn't quite make it to Claire's, we were side-tracked by Justice where we bought all sorts of pink and sparkly things, then the 3 year old turned to me:

"McDonald's!"

Yes, not so much a question as a statement, so McDonald's it was, where many cheeseburgers, fries, chicken nuggets and flurries were devoured.

And when  my sister got home, she was greeted by two happy, well-fed and exhausted girls who were not missing any appendages.

Babysitter win.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

This chemical imbalance b.s. has gone on long enough.  So, I procured some "happy" pills from the resident doctor, and I hope they do the trick.  At least until my gynecologist appointment in July, where I expect a thorough up and down examination of what exactly is wrong with me.

My hormones are out of whack.  That I know.  It's going on nearly three months since "Aunt Flo" or whatever, my god damn period, has happened, so I know that my hormones are completely unbalanced.  I have all the PMS symptoms without the "relief" as it were, so as well as mental issues, there are also physical ones that need to be addressed.

And no (Mother), I am not pregnant.

About three years ago, or close to, I almost died, and stuff, and I'm pretty sure it wrecked havoc on my body, so early menopause would not be a surprise at this point.  And I have made arrangements to have this confirmed and/or denied, but the earliest appointment I could get is in late July, and my brain was not about to have that shit.

It was all like, "Hey! Pay attention to me!  Because you know how you were all depressed in college and you were Emo and everything when back then it was just called Goth and you thought you were cool, well, it's not so cool anymore, missy, because you're nearly 42 years old, and now it's just called pathetic...and kinda sad.  And you don't want to be that middle-aged chick freaking all the youngsters out at the newest, hippest club while they roll their eyes and try to avoid eye contact with you and barely move their bodies to old school Joy Division songs...that they think they invented."

My brain tends to ramble.  And is obviously quite the fan of run-on sentences.

BTW, the best part about this video is this is EXACTLY how I used to dance.

Besides...I gots bills to pay, and adult responsibilities, so seriously, I need to get my shit in order.  So, I have taken the first step in doing so.

Drugs.

Helluva thing.

Unlike Rick James, I have decided that legal anti-depressant drugs may just be the answer, so I'll keep you posted on how this turns out.  I think it's a positive step.

And I apologize ahead of time for my COMPLETE self-absorption lately and my ignorance of all of my friends and relations, online, or offline.  I promise to do better.

Don't feel too bad; the Rottenator has felt it too.  Incidentally, he just got new glasses because his eyes are "shaped like footballs" or so his opthamologist (optometrist?) told him.

Meanwhile, I do not find it ironic at all that the Rottenator, who bleeds college football ("Roll Tide!") has "football" shaped eyes.

He is very excited about his new "crystal clear" vision.  It's like a whole new world.  Something that others in this household have taken for granted since, oh, BIRTH.

At least the Nooge aka "Fatboy" will no longer have the visionary advantage in this household.

Today was a day with promise.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day (see how I did that?)