Confidence, I Needs Some

So tell me..what does it feel like to be semi-successful at a job that you hate? Is it worth it? All of my reviews and call monitoring have been positive (aka "Kathleen is awesome say what?!") but still..the calls they don't hear are filled with self doubt and upper lip sweat.  *sigh*

I hate that this job is affecting me so deeply, but on the other hand, I blame it on the weather and the lack of vitamin D.

That's right people, it has rained 43 fucking days in a row.  No joke; it's probably rained 2 inches in the time it took me to compose this sentence.  How do you lot in the Pacific NW of NA or in the UK even deal with this?  My hair is protesting.

Anyhoo, I know that I should post more often, but there is actually nothing going on other than my daily routine.

I guess I should say:

New Girl: It's on Netflix now; I really REALLY wanted to like this show, but alas, I do not.  It is no Buffy or even Freaks and Geeks...or even Bones...or god forbid, How I Met Your Mother.

 PS for the last one: I forgive you, Willow...and Doogie...moving on...

I'm going to Dragoncon in Atl in September with my family and I need to pick out an appropriate costume. We are going as characters in the Whedonverse, so if you have any suggestions for any costumes for middle-aged overweight red headed women, I'm all ears...and fat rolls.

Meanwhile the Rottenator recently reminded me of this song because he stated that the Animals were the best British-invasion group to ever hit the US...above the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, but you know what, I could not fight him too much because the Animals did rock...

Thus behold, my Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:  and btw, is it just me or does the lead singer Eric Burdon remind you of a young Gary Oldman?  I'm just saying..of course, I also think that Gary looks like Sid Vicious so who am I to judge....

Flames...

Seriously, how do you guys with kids do it? Because I can barely spend a day with the Nooge without wanting him to die in a violent "accident".

Oh, yeah, sure, he looks innocent, but trust me, he is not.  He is 20 lbs of furry evil. I don't think it's a coincidence that his birthday is April 20th.

You know who else was born on April 20th?

I'm just sayin'...we have not had a good weekend together.

Also, the pollen is out of control down here.  Have you ever seen pollen underneath a microscope?

This is why I can't breathe and my eyes are red and burny.  And yes, I feel sympathy for those of you who are still experiencing an ass-load of snow when it's supposed to be spring, but our very mild winter means that the pollen is out of control.

The following videos express what we're experiencing down here; just imagine billions of those little fuckers invading your sinus cavities and clinging on for dear life.

So, due to unforeseen complications such as not being able to breathe, and PMS-overload, I'm taking a day off from work to sit.  Not that I haven't just spent a weekend of sitting, but I think one more day might do me...so I don't end up like this...

My  Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

The Little Things...

So, even though I didn't get something accomplished yesterday that would be a BIG deal for me while taken for granted by a lot of other people (i.e., people who can drive), I'm okay today.

For now; it's still early. Things that are okay today:

1. I got some sleep yesterday.
2. The Rottenator and I are one step closer to getting a new car.
3. I got a comforter for $17!  And it's nice.
4. It's fall which means the weather is nice and the holidays are getting closer.
5. I ate a double Whopper yesterday and lost four pounds...in one day.

Which brings me to this point; I shall link to my sister's blog because we have the same problem.  Our bodies are endlessly fascinating, but not in the cool "oooh, look at that, it's so sparkly and lights up and awe-inspiring and beautiful" way like this pumpkin:

I'm purple and sparkly and light up, say what?!?!

But more in a WTF is going on!?!? kind of way.  I can eat ice cubes and celery for a week or eat ice cream and pizza and my body only deviates 5-8 lbs.  The only problem with this is that my body is comfortable at a weight that I am not comfortable with it being...at.

I'd be much more comfortable minus 25-30 lbs, frankly, but I think this would entail exercising and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet.

So I'm going to have to deal with this for now.  Oh!  I just realized something!  I had half a bottle of water yesterday so maybe that's why I lost 5lbs.  Take note, sis!  Half a bottle of water is the magic exlir.  Now watch, I'll drink a whole bottle of water today and either wake up 10 lbs lighter, or have gained 15.  Who knows.

But that will not concern me today.
     6. I got a new vacuum cleaner.
     7. I found this in my mother's yard:

Not near a sewer...possibly still a ninja

Just chillin' in her front yard.  You can't see it in the picture, but he had evil orange eyes which prevented me from picking him up despite my sister's urging because she "wanted to see what happened".  Mom says it's a box turtle.  I figured it probably escaped from the teenager who lives next door who probably bought him about 10 years ago when he was the size of a teaspoon and he finally managed the 30 steps to the front yard.

I highly doubt he is a river cooter.  That would have been too cool!  Then I could have totally texted this pic to everyone I've ever met with the title "Check out my cooter!"  And then laughed hysterically because I'm so fucking hilarious.
     8.  I haven't thought about my birthday once today...until now...dammit.
     9.  I got nothing.
    10. I have to end my list in a even number of 10 because not doing so would disrupt the natural order of things.

My  Mood(ring) Tone of the Day:

          

Boo! On Many Different Levels...

First off, that whole passing tests and doing well at my job experiment?  Yeah, well, no one informed my brain of the decision to continue with this mission, so yeah, I failed my test.  By one freakin' question.  Just one more correct guess, and I would have been like Proactive: useless, but managing to just barely slide under the radar enough so that my incompetence wouldn't be noticed.  Good for him.

Retest in two weeks; at least this time I'll know a little more about what to study even without the help of my evil heifer of a trainer.  Much like last time.  So, not much has changed. Only now, I'm a failure.

Which was confirmed by a recent motivational message posted at my job:

 

Whatever.  I'm tired.  One thing that is not a failure of an experiment:

Verdict: cute and delicious: like me! Despite outward appearances.

Another discovery: the Nooge has proven not to be useless (though still a nuisance as he is currently chewing through the power cord of my laptop): he is a fearless roach trapper.  I would say killer, but he loses interest about halfway through his mission, which is when I swoop in and trap the hideous monster (no, not my kitten, the other one) in a tissue and flush it down the toilet with only a minimum of hysterical shrieking.

Teamwork, we has it!  I would insert a picture of said dead roach here, but that would entail me stopping my panic long enough to snap a photo and that would entail even more shrieking, so you'll just have to imagine it.

**I started this post about two weeks ago; not much has changed except work is still sucking, I really need to go to the dentist, and my house is even dirtier than it was two weeks ago. I'm in a funk, and not in a cool. Funkytown kinda way. I miss having friends.  I miss going to nice restaurants and trying new foods, and seeing movies and watching interesting television shows and discussing them ad nauseum. I miss spending time with people I have common interest with, not people who try to support me in my interests, and hobbies, but deep down, don't "get them"...or me. I'm tired of eating at restaurants with buffet, corral, or barrel in their names and gagging down mediocre or outright disgusting "food". I'm tired of feeling middle-aged, though I guess I technically am.

Yes, first world problems, I have them. Or the birthday blues. Whatever.  Oh, and I'm tired of hearing "things could be worse".  Yeah, I know, I remember, I was there.

Things could also be better.



Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

I will not miss this next week

So how's everyone doing this AM?

Truer Words Were Never Spoken

Nothing else to see here; another diet day bust. Day 10 of overdue period, but yet, all the symptoms are here which leads to one unhappy, bloated, and crampy Kathleen.

Obituaries to follow...

Dos Testículos

I don't always post this seductively...but when I do, it's in the middle of your bed...without my testicles.

Guess Who's Back In Town...Minus the Boys

Well, today was the day, and I must say...the  Rottenator and the Nooge handled it much better than I did.

For all my talk and jokes about the "snip snip", I must admit, when we dropped him off this morning and I made eye contact with that sad little orange ball of fluff in his carrier...

I barely made it out to the parking lot before I started bawling at the thought that he was scared, that he thought we'd left him forever.

The Rottenator was his ever understanding, sympathetic self: "I don't know why you're crying; this was your idea".

The only logical response: "I'm crying because you're so stupid".

As a little Birdie recently told me, "Boys are dumb".  And they are.

Well, I'm happy(?) to report that the Nooge is recovering quite nicely from his traumatic experience.  Too well, some may say.

I returned home from work expecting this:

And instead found something quite similar to this awaiting me:

(I really must invest in a new camera and/or phone).

Bottom line, all is well, the Nooge is home in one piece (minus a couple) and now I can get back to concentrate on more important things...like not emotionally eating everything in sight.

Today was not a good day for me.  I may have overloaded MFP with my daily caloric intake.  But that double Whopper with cheese and extra mayo...almost worth it.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

The Time Has Come...

Can I get an Amen?

The Rottenator is already having second thoughts; I guess it's some sort of male solidarity, but as the volunteer from the SPCA kindly informed him: "You know there's no scientific proof that says that his are attached to yours, right?"

Oh, how we laughed.  And by we, I mean all four of us women in the room.  The Rottenator was not amused.

Countdown to T-Day has begun!

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day (NSFW and perhaps offensive to some, as are most things I find hilarious)..

Clean Sweep

It's funny, when I first started this entry, the opening line was going to be: "Man, I wish there was a Batman premiere every day!" but the I was quickly reminded by my brain of how inappropriate this would be considering what happened in Colorado, so I had to take a step back and rethink my intro.

Because, yes, despite outward appearances, sometimes there is a bit of thought that goes into these entries.

To clarify what I originally meant, my ill-timed and inappropriate phrase has not so much to do with the film (although it was AWESOME with a capital SAUCE, more on that later), but the mood of the Rottenator since then.

It's like he's a whole new person.  A pleasant person in a good mood who is actually...helpful, and generous, dare I say.

Oh, believe me, I know that this is temporary insanity on his part, but damn, I have been enjoying the hell out of it.  After the movie, we went to eat at PF Changs (again! I love that place, so this was fabulous, and we got great service and free food...again!), then hit the mall, where I got a new pair of kicks.

Reeboks; on clearance, 50% off, and cute to boot!

Then Sunday, it was laundry day, but we went out again(!) and I got three new shirts, and he didn't even bitch (that much) about the amount of $ I spent at the grocery store, AND he made dinner Sunday, AND he washed a sinkfull of dishes, AND he vacuumed the living room.

(Of course, he expected to be thanked profusely and worshipped for performing these three chores that I perform without anyone noticing on a daily basis with hardly any thanks whatsoever, but hey, it's cool, because his participation really was appreciated).

This change in personality can only be attributed to the release of this movie he's been waiting a year to see combined with our recent two-income household (relative) wealth, so on the whole, it was a good weekend.

That being said, I have come to recently realize that if I don't get at least one chill day on my days away from work, I am freakin' exhausted come Monday.  I mean, seriously, yesterday, I fell asleep at around 9:30pm and was a zombie at work.  All because Saturday, we had an activity filled day, and then Sunday, it was chore day.

I don't know whether to attribute this to my advanced age, my lack of in-shapeness, or my mental instability, but it is not cool.  I'm still a little wiped out today, quite frankly, and I find this unacceptable.  How to change it, I don't know.  This weekend will be better, because the Rottenator has to work, so I will have at least Sunday to chill.  Maybe this just means that my relationship to God is getting closer, because even He needed a break on the 7th day, right?

So, I mentioned PF Chang's and the free food, right?  Okay, check it: again, yesterday, me, exhausted, I knew the Rottenator was covered food-wise with his leftover stew, and we had a whole meal of Wok-Seared Beef with my name on it waiting for me in our fridge last night.  I was practically salivating, because I didn't have to cook dinner, I didn't have the energy to cook dinner, and all I wanted was to go home and nuke my delicious PF Chang's and enjoy a delicious meal.  I had been thinking about it since, oh, noon, when I had a very unsatisfying Lean Cuisine that did more to piss me off than it did to fill me up.

So, I get home.  I ask the Rottenator: "So, you're having stew for dinner, right?" 
Rottenator: "Yeah."
Me:  "Oh good, then I'm going to change into fancy pants and heat up that PF Chang's."
R: "Uh..."
M: "What, did you eat it?  You said you were having stew!"
R: "It smelled funny...I threw it out".

Again, I would like to direct your attention to this clip of Ross from Friends:

Um...so...yeah.  The Rottenator has a thing about food.  And it's totally fucked up when you think about it.  He doesn't like leftovers, it's like he was poisoned in a former life or something, and he won't eat anything that's a day old, or has been sitting out for more than 30 seconds, or that has an expiration date less than 30 days away.  What doesn't make sense is that this boy will also happily stuff his face at any buffet with the words Golden, Ryan's, Duke's or Eastern in front of it and not think twice about how long it's been sitting there festering on a hotplate under lukewarm lights, or how many booger filled hands have played with the cookies and dove face forward into the chocolate fountain.

OH, and the boy doesn't throw ANYTHING away.  We have collections of empty deodorant bottles, body spray, baby powder (yes, he uses baby powder; he has delicate skin and "chafes easily") and crockpots sitting in the fridge with two tablespoons of beef stew broth sitting in it.

Yet he throws away my Chinese food.  Mine.  Despite that I have tried to explain to him on numerous occasions that I am a fat girl with deep-seeded food possession issues (translation: all the food on the planet is mine, whether it's yours or not, whether I want to eat it or not, it's mine.  You may borrow or ask for it and I will give it to you, as long as I am promised a replacement ASAP.  I know, it's a problem.  I'm working on it).  It would be okay if I could make sense of his mindset at all, but I can't.  Other than to explain it away as:

• He doesn't care because it doesn't directly concern him so fuck it, chuck it.
• He is lazy and does not like to clean, and that far outweighs his need to throw away things that offend him.

Whatever, it was a minor irritation during what was an overall success of a weekend so I'll overlook it...once again.  But that doesn't mean his precious Little Debbie snacks were not threatened.

Back to Batman:  the film is amazing.  Absolutely brilliant, and I love Christopher Nolan, not only for his eloquent and heartfelt statement about the tragedies in Colorado but also because in this film, which could have easily been a testosterone fueled joy-ride, he let the heroines shine.

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman is so bad ass Buffy-level fierce, I adore her. And highly recommend seeing this movie if for nothing else, to take some power away from the truly insane and evil events that transpired in our country.

And now for the unnecessary pictures of the Nooge, who is driving me batshit crazy as usual.

Attached to the curtain (note that I am taking pictures, yet offering no assistance):

Watching Maru, because everyone loves Maru:

 

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Shades of Ginger

"Come hither, Woman."

"What did we say about you on the bed?  Get down!"

"Why can't you be more like Him?  Him carries me in here and places me me gently on the pillow so I don't lose a claw in the mattress as I'm climbing up the side."

"If it were up to me, you'd lose all of your claws when you lose two other unnecessary things in a few weeks.  Snip snip!"

"What are these these 'things' and this 'snip snip' that you speak of?"

"Nevermind.  Bed...You...Off...Now!"

"But..."

"No buts.  In fact, it's because I'm tired of waking up with fuzzy butts in my face that I demand you sleep somewhere else.  Go!"

"God Dammit.  Just promise not to qwop it up."

"I promise nothing."

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Ahh, now THAT'S more like it.  This nail experience was much more successful than the last.

Oh, did you notice something else different about my hand?

Yeah...well, I forgot how much fun it was to have a kitten.

 But honestly...is it possible to stay mad at something so cute?

Mmmm...yeah, yeah it is.  But he will survive to see another day. Even though if there were a custody battle, I'd totally be Meryl Streep.

Meanwhile, work, yeah, that actually is going well.  But I'd forgotten how tiring it is to have a set schedule, the M-F, 9-5 grind.  It's satisfying, but I don't feel like running errands during the week, so I save those up for the weekends so by the time the house is cleaned, the clothes are washed, and the groceries are shopped it's freakin' Sunday night and time to get back to it.

But I'm definitely not complaining.  Things are going well.  So, since my life is thankfully blissfully boring right now (knock on wood, that's the way I like it!), I have to look for drama where I can find it.  I have been overdosing on outrageous reality shows, my most current favorite being "My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding".  Have you seen this?  It is endlessly fascinating, especially being that one of the largest gypsy neighborhoods in the US is right down the street from me.  It's called Murphy's Village and lemme tell you, the houses are reDICulous!  And the Bling!

And speaking of bling, yes I'm all about Kim Zolciak and her wedding, but I think that's because I'm missing Atlanta...but I'm also watching Say Yes to the Dress...Atlanta.... yeah, there's definitely a theme...

I think I'm in love with TLC and Bravo.

How I'm Feeling Today:

All Together Now...

Awwwww!!!!

Yes, I'm afraid I've become "that girl", you know the one?  The Crazy Cat Lady who posts pics of their kitten's every move and has framed glamour shots of it covering the walls of her cubicle at work.

Yeah, I definitely see that in my future.

In other me news, I would totally get a new job every day if it meant receiving fantabulous gifts like this all the time.

Thanks to the Mom for the Piggybank...perhaps one day I will actually have some pennies to put into it.  J'adore.

This weekend went by really quickly, no?

How I'm feeling today:

Struck By Lightening

I saw my first lightening bug tonight. As if the 90 + degree heat and oppressive humidity weren't enough to alert me to the fact that summer is here, this sealed it.

Do you guys have lightening bugs (or fireflies, or glowworms, however you call them) where you are or are they strictly a southern thing?  I love them.

Of course, I'm a sucker for anything that glows.

To my sister: Hey!  Remember that time when you were little and we saw that lightening bug fly into the spider web and then the spider got him and slaughtered him mercilessly and then we had to tell you that he had escaped and flew away but it was pretty obvious by his frantic buzzing  that he was in the throes of death?  Yeah...remember that?  Good times.

I hope we can afford to get the air conditioner in the old beater fixed for summer or driving around in this heat is gonna be a bitch...and so am I.

How I'm Feeling Today:

Me & You & A Cat Named Nooge

It's a boy!

Ha!  Actually, no, that would not be funny in the least. 

Faithful  readers, may I present: Sir Nigel Wentworth Noogington, Esq.

AKA "The Nooge" (pronounced 'Nooj').  We adopted him today, and already, he is loved and adored.

Look at me, I'm about to get all this on him:

Our little family is complete.

Pinterest: SO didn't nail it...

Again, Pinterest, I'm a slave to it.  So much so that much like one will check a horoscope to find out how their day will be, I check Pinterest to see if there's something I need to add to my imaginary "to do" list.  True fact.

However, I am becoming more of a Pinterest expert, if you will, and along with the recent revelation that some of my followers are not actually interested in me, they are only interested in me clicking on their stupid fake boards to sell me shit, I have come across a few pins that made me pause for a minute and think..."that's not...that's just not right..."

Again, as I noted in my previous Pinterest fail entry, I have decided to critique them on my own blog to protect the innocent or, more like, to avoid possible hostile comments and unfollows.

First up, I give you Puffy Paint Ghost:

Not only is this your hideous end result, the creator warns that this is not a "neat craft".  You use glue and shaving cream, and it takes hours to dry.  I guess you'll have plenty of time to clean up the mess your children made creating this monstrosity in the time that it takes it to dry.  Enough time, I'll wager, that your children will have lost complete interest in this project, and Halloween will be over, and you may as well start on your puffy paint pumpkins for Thanksgiving.  Serious fail.



Easter is the time for chocolate goodies, cute little bunnies and chicks ready to be devoured by children and adults for that sugar rush which will provide much needed energy for the Easter egg wars hunts that take place in front yards and in churches all across America.  I love chocolate aminals as much as the next person, but seriously people:

Let's leave the Easter treats to the professionals at Hershey's and Brach's shall we?  Nothing is more depressing than biting into an alien head or a lazy-eyed bunny on Easter morning.  It's just sad, and I can promise you, if your children found either one of the above in their baskets on Easter morning, they would be pissed.  And they would curse you.  And be scarred for life.  Do you really want that on your conscience?




"Hey Kathleen!" you say.
"Yeah what?" I answer (I'm often brusque and suspicious when being addressed).
"Wanna come over for dinner?  We're having steaks!"
"Hell yeah, I'm broke and always hungry; be right there!"

"WHAT...THE...FUCK..."
"It's cauliflower steak, silly! It's supposed to be delicious!"

"And you were supposed to be a good friend inviting me over for a god damn real dinner because you have sympathy for my plight, but I guess we've both been betrayed, me by you, and you by whatever idiot told you that you wouldn't get punched in the face by serving me this deceptive crap!"

As if that weren't bad enough...


The creator of this next dish claims it to be the "World's Best Tofu Recipe":

No, sorry, I've had tofu masquerading as meat in  many Asian dishes, and I can almost guarantee you that any of them was better than the above bowl of brown, uninspired dog puke.  Actually..it wouldn't be dog puke at all because YOUR DOG WOULDN'T EAT IT BECAUSE IT'S NOT REAL MEAT AND TOFU SUCKS!!!!

I don't know why this recipe inspires so much hatred in me; perhaps because I take my food quite (too) seriously, and this whole...plate of crap just personally offends me. Although a sprinkling of parsley wouldn't improve the taste of this dish, it would at least make it feel like less of an eye rape.  FAILURE...on every level, Pinterester who dares call yourself a cook.

Yes, I know.  I have food issues.  I'm working on it.

The Spider Situation

To the spider I allowed to cohabitate my home for the past few days:

Even after the initial horror of discovering you when I turned on my lamp, I overlooked your continued presence in Bella Cucina. You see,  I'd read on some stupid website somewhere that a spider in the house was a sign of good luck.  Obviously, the writer of that proverb had never heard of a black widow, or a brown recluse, but okay, whatever.  You weren't bothering me, I didn't bother you.  I could tolerate you much as one tolerates an unwanted, but unobtrusive, roommate.

Clearly you felt emboldened by my disregard of you, or perhaps it hurt your feelings, or maybe you were looking to commit suicide by proxy, I don't know.  Whatever the case, you decided to become a bit more intrusive.  Such as...dropping from the ceiling onto the keyboard of my laptop, which you obviously thought would spur me on to more drastic actions.  When we stared each other down, and I refused to participate in your game, you decided that a leap in my general direction would surely illicit the response you so (apparently) desired.

Unfortunately, a shriek from me as I frantically scrambled away and practically kicked my computer onto the floor while telling my fiance not to hurt you because I heard you were good luck, was not the correct counter to your forward move.  You were obviously frustrated by my attempts to be a good samaritan and decided on moving forward with a plan which could no longer be ignored.

You had babies.

I knew they were yours when the first tiny speck of a spider hatchling crawled across my computer screen.  You taught them well.

So, when finding you hovering above the door, no doubt planning your next suicidal leap:

I knew what had to be done.   It was inevitable, and what both of us really wanted in the end.

Germans Ruin Everything

Okay, so I was perusing the internet recently as I am wont to do on occasion, and came across the following article from Gawker which had me going all John McEnroe "you can NOT be serious!" all over the place.  Like, I thought it was a mocked up Onion piece at first but alas, no.  This shit was real.

Tiny Til...the world's cutest, and uh, ONLY, apparently, earless bunny was trod upon by a German cameraman on the day of his world debut, thereby crushing his (vertebrae) and Germany's dreams of fame for this fantastically adorable mutant of nature.

A month before Easter.  I mean...seriously? So this got me thinking...are Germans just inherently evil?  History backs up this theory obviously.  Or, is this actually an act of a vengeful God who is so pissed off by the modern day commercialism of such a Holy day that he takes it out on a harmless little auditorily impaired rodent and blames it on the one race that is already known as being kinda sinister and shit.  "Don't blame me, blame those Hitler loving Nazi freaks!  Peace out."

Personally, I've got my own theory about God being a particularly diabolical prankster with a pension for torturing pathetic 40 year old women who are just trying to rebuild their lives and become normal productive citizens and are trying really fucking hard to do the right god damn thing and he's just giving them false hope and then yanking it away and can't I just catch a break, you evil overlord, what the fuck more do you want from me, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do already...

But I digress.  Moral of the story:  don't count your chickens before they hatch.  Or prematurely plan the fame of your squee-inducing mini earless bunnies before instructing German cameramen on where and where not to walk.  Or quit your lousy retail job based on a preliminary offer from a better one before your background check clears.  Hey, what was that last part?  Um...nothing.  Move along now.