Best Exchange I've Had All Week:

With My Aunt (Awnt, not Ant) Bettie, who is nearing (if not already) 70, but a proper Southern lady would never reveal her age:

Abby Normal

So, finally got my lab results back from the gyno appointment I had last Monday.  Good news: blood work came back fine; thyroid, cholesterol, blood sugar, blah blah blah, all awesomesauce.  However, there seemed to be some concern with my pap smear:

The first words out of the nurse's mouth: "Now, I want you to put all thoughts of cancer out of your head."

Me: "Oh my fucking god, I have cancer."

She assured me that this was more common than one would think; in fact, she's already called three other patients and given them the same news.  Which only means to me: "Great...we are the three out of five that have cervical cancer."

So, I'm due back in on the 16th for a colposcopy (not to be confused with colonoscopy but near about in the same nether regions), and I'm actually okay with this; much better mine frame than one would think because, hey, cancer: it's old news in my family.  Meaning, it runs rampant throughout my relatives both here and in the beyond, so I feel more than prepared to handle any news they give me after the results.  Even though it did concern me a little when I told the nurse I would "see if I could get off from work" on the 16th and she said: "Um...yeah...see what you can do about that."

Hmm...okay...well, done then.

Nothing else to report except that I started watching Homeland and it's SOOO good!  I forgot how much I loved Damian Lewis. The show is brilliant; good summer watching since there's fuck all else on except for Top Chef Masters.

Meanwhile, I'm still planning on going to Dragoncon with my sis and fam, and she has ordered a dress from Lameasaurus on Etsy.

The dress she ordered was this one:

How absolutely adorable is this?  Now to decide...to dress up or not...

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

My Name Is Kathleen

So, the Rottenator and I have recently rediscovered the sitcom "My Name Is Earl" courtesy of Netflix and all I have to say is...it is a more pleasurable experience than trying to relive the "Arrested Development" resurrection which was, I hate to admit, a disappointment.

You know the worst part about getting into a show after it's been off the air is realizing that no more new episodes will be created and and they leave you with a cliffhanger.

Bastards.

Enjoy the gag reel.

On another note, my glasses broke today but luckily I managed to find two nearly outdated contact lenses so at least I am not completely blind.  It really was scary for a minute;  the whole being completely blind thing.  For a couple of minutes all I could picture was this:

But all is temporarily fine; I can see, and I'm due for some new frames anyway.  I can't decide whether I'm going subtle or for the Lisa Loeb look.

I'll keep you posted.


My Mood Ring(tone) Of the Day:

Occasionally, I watch the news...to my dismay

Normally I would not comment on things in the world that do not concern me, but I do feel a bit moved to express my opinions on a recent topic of interest:

Oh, I have such mixed feelings about Ms. Paula Dean.  I loved her whole story when she first started: she had the whole agoraphobia, abusive husband, made her success on her own (which I still admire, btw) thing going for her, and sincerely, her recipes are the shit.  As in, her food is fucking delicious, and I own many of her cookbooks...because I am Southern...and engaged to a very Southern boy...and I like my fried foods.  And a lot of Paula's recipes satisfy that very comforting "food I grew up on" hole that occasionally needs to be filled.  Sometimes you just crave peach cobbler with a gallon of butter, or a dinner of deep fried everything, you just do.

So I was torn when Mr. Tony Bourdain, who I have also LONG loved...(as in "have a huge crush on, and had Kitchen Confidential long before he became a Food Network/Travel Channel/CNN "star" yes, I am one of those "I knew them before" people) attacked her...via Twitter, no less (even though he was SO right, damn you Tony!)

But I understood.  I mean, Paula was kinda shifty/shady when it came to the whole diabetes revelation thing.  And Tony also reminds me of one of those angst-ridden "takes his craft so seriously everyone else is just a sell-out and I'm still edgy and holding on to my youth, man" people that I now, as a middle-aged ex-goth, want to punch in the face.  Grow up.  You are a sell-out. But at least I can admit that I admire you with no shame or embarassment.

Since moving back from the big city of Atlanta, back home, to my own Southern roots, and living with a VERY southern man, I've come to reevaluate a lot of things in my life.  I'm not nearly as cosmopolitan as I used to be.  I embrace biscuits and gravy, fried chicken, peach cobbler, all of that ultimately Southern "soul" food that would as soon stop your heart as look at you.

So Paula's recipes have come in quite handy.  That, I appreciate.

This whole new thing that's happening with her.  It is a mess.  If it is true that she said the things that she said, it is wrong, and it is offensive, but the woman did not lie.  The only difference between Paula Dean and a lot of southern women her age who live down here is that they are not in the public eye when they used that word.  My own grandmother, who spent the last years of her life in a nursing home being tended to by the kindest, most generous attendants on the planet, referred to them with such the same word.  Of course, she was in her 80s, and Paula is in her 60s, so is that an excuse?  No.  But it is a reality.

I agree that Paula should be called out for the things that she has said; she should know better.  And it pains me to know that things like this still happen; actually, I am quite appalled.  But not surprised.

Delving deeper into the whole affair, and reading Paula's transcripts, it is no better or worse than anything else you'd ever hear down here on a normal every day.  Take that as you will.

All I can say is that she is of the old school.  Not that that's any excuse, because there are also other people her age who were born and raised in the South who have realized the error of their ways, but then again, there are those that don't.  But I also feel that prejudice exists everywhere.  And it is not more predominant in the South; just a bit more reported.

But moving on:

I have mixed thoughts about Edward Snowden, and I my one wish in life is that I go out like James Gandolfini: good food, good wine, quick heart attack, boom, peace out.  And it kind of freaks me out just a little that he was only 10 years older than me when he did check out.

 My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

I'm Like King Midas In Reverse. Everthing I Touch Turns To Shit

First of all, holy crap, this makes me sad:

I loved Tony Soprano, and beyond that, James Gandolfini.  He was amazing.

So, what have I been up to?  Not much.  On Saturday, whilst cooking up frozen sausage links, I managed to flip them in such a way that the frozen meat combined with the hot grease that splattered all over me and therefore, gave me huge blisters and burn marks all over my face.

Needless to say,  I was unhappy.  It's amazing how much my sense of vanity kicked in when "faced" with the fact that I may have to go out in public with pretty obvious burn marks all over my face.

I felt like this:

It was a weird sensation; usually, I am so concentrated on how ashamed I am of my body, to have visible markings on my face, that really threw me for a loop, to have my face "disfigured"...yes, it made me realize how superficial I am, in that I took advantage of my sick time at work and just managed my way in today, when I was able to cover everything up with makeup.

And side note: I highly recommend Neosporin.  It is like Noxzema in the way that it is a miracle worker.  Sometimes the old remedies are the best; they are tried and true for a reason. I am nearly all healed up and able to cover everything with make up.

So, what else:  once again, I realized that when the Rottenator and I are forced to spend extra time together, I am filled with murderous rage.  In that: truthfully, it was his time to enjoy himself at home and I was the unwelcomed intruder, but in the other sense, I was significantly unhappy with the fact that we spent 48 hours watching ESPN and old Alabama football games on YouTube.  I am again trying to deal with the fact that we have nothing in common but we still try to  make sacrifices because God knows, we do love each other when it comes down to it.

Other thoughts: my happy pills: they seemed to be working at first but now I just feel angry and confrontational about my life...but at least I'm not depressed, right? I'm reserving judgement for at least two more weeks, but right now...I don't feel a significant difference.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day...oh wait, I have two...

And now I'm in the mood for really good pasta.

Long Weekend...

So, I have a much needed four day weekend break from work thanks to the Memorial Day holiday on Monday, and my forward thinking to request Tuesday off as well, so woo hoo!  Good thinking on my part, because I am much in need of an extended break.

I won't know the results of my "pass or you get fired" test until early June, but things did not go well.  At least the first day.  I felt better about the second day, but there were math problems involved, and as we all know:

It tends to stagger me.  But we'll see.  I'll know whether or not I passed a stupid test that has nothing to do with my day-to-day job in order to keep said job in early June. Until then...I ain't bothered.

Other than that, despite my crushing depression that keeps me from even wanting to wake up in the morning, the Rottenator has been spectacular in supporting me the best he can.  I cannot say it enough: there is something to be said for someone who loves you unconditionally.  Yes, you may get angry when they leave the seat up...don't take the garbage can to the curb...play NBA basketball on Xbox non-stop, but seriously...then they spend a whole day taking you out to eat, enduring your shopping for clothes, feigning interest in the things you're interested in...it means a lot.

So you deal with the minor problems when it comes down to the fact that they are loyal, love you unconditionally, and do whatever they can to make you feel better...even when there's nothing that they can do.  That makes me sad for him, actually.  Because there is no logical reason for me to feel so down right now and he is scrambling to do everything he can to make it better, but he can't.  Stupid chemical imbalance.

But it's okay; I'm soon to get everything sorted;  tomorrow is my mother's birthday, and I made her a strawberry pie...I will post pictures tomorrow, once it's all decorated with the whipped cream and whatnot, and share the recipe IF it gets the approval.  It's a homemade version of a Shoney's strawberry pie, y'all.

In the meantime, I am losing myself in a marathon of "Arrested Development" on Netflix because it is one of my most favorite shows every, and they are debuting 14 new episodes tomorrow.  God love the internet.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

My Three Favorite New Shows

In lieu of an actual interesting post wherein I detail the fabulosity of my life (ha!), I've decided to provide a brief recap of shows that I'm currently watching that are not, surprise, all reality shows. Because I think it's a good thing to embrace shows that still show a little bit of originality, a little bit of a story-line and a little bit of, dare I say it, drama!

1. Scandal. No, seriously, watch this show.  I mean...it is very rare that a show catches my attention from the very first episode (in fact I think Buffy was the last pilot that I fully enjoyed) but this one did. It is THAT good! And I'm not even a fan of politics, but this show...my GOD, I love every character on it.  Which is saying a lot, because there is always at least one character on every show that I want dead and buried, but not in this case. In fact, I don't even hate this guy:

He is that damn good as the president. Dammit, I've said too much!  Just watch it; you can catch the first season on Netflix, and the second on Hulu.  And I'm gonna need all of you to catch up on it so we have stuff to discuss.

2.  Elementary My mother turned me onto this show.  And it stars a guy that I've long adored, even back before he got crazy and married Angelina Jolie; back when he was just a Scottish junkie. Not Obi-Wan, the other guy...

He stars as Sherlock Holmes.  He's like a sexy British Monk.  He is awesomesauce.


3.  The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Hear me out: there is no more Buffy, so I must seek out the vampires where I can; plus, Twilight just doesn't cut it. Plus, TVD is filmed in Atlanta, so I get to point at the TV and say, "Hey, I've BEEN there!" when they show all of the different neighborhoods.  My sister and I are planning a stalking trip at some point to meet the cast. I am a celebrity stalking professional, btw. But in a sweet non-obtrusive way.  Not in a throw my pubic hair in your face way. Poor Wolverine.

Plus, Damon and Klaus are damn hot. 'Nuff said.

What are you watching?  I'm always up for new suggestions because until the return of some incarnation of Top Chef, there's a hole in my DVR that needs filling.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Afraid To Admit I'm Bovvered...

One of the most annoying things I find about life is that the very second you have that thought of "hmmm...I'm feeling a bit bored right now", it  doesn't hit you with a "Hey! You just won the lottery!" Or even, "Hey! You just won a $150 free grocery card!" or even, "Hey! You just won a vacation package to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (if only)!"

Life is more likely to reward you with a "Hey! You're being audited by the IRS!" Or, "Hey! You're getting fired from  your job!" Or even, "Hey! You have a tumor!"

So I will refrain from saying that I'm rather bored with my daily routine right now for fear of some astronomical catastrophe befalling me, but I would like to say...I'm bovvered.

I've had enough drama in my life to not wish any more upon myself, but I'm really...bovvered by my job; by the most exciting decision I have to make is to choose which all you can eat buffet I want to patronize; by which of the three articles of clothing that actually fit I decide to wear today.

And if you mention anything about Kathleen having "first world problems" I will stab you in the face with an icepick.

Did I happen to mention I may be a wee bit hormonal, and if this period doesn't hurry the fuck up,  there is going to be a bloodbath...no pun intended.  All Rottenators and Nooges better heed this warning.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Guilty Pleasures..The Video Version...

So, because I'm bored and self-involved, and I have the day off tomorrow (this time, an "approved" day off, Mother), I've decided the best use of my time (instead of vacuuming up dustbunnies, natch) is to come up with a list of my guilty pleasures...and also because I'd like to see if other people might share their own.

In no particular order:

1. Moonshiners.

I kinda have a crush on Tickle: "The cause and the remedy was one in the same."

2.  The Vampire Diaries.

I kinda have a crush on Ian Sommerhalder...well, not the actor so much as the character.

3. Cheesy/Inappropriate Christmas songs.

The last one is my absolute fave.

4.  Pit Boss.

5. Say Yes To The Dress...Atlanta

6. My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

Literally live right down the street from me.

7.  Velveeta and Cream of Whatever Soup.

Beef Stroganoff with Velveeta cheese...and this is why I'm fat.

8.  Will Farrell and Vince Vaughn

 

9.  Psychics.

                                                                                      
 

I just feel if they make people feel better...they can't be all wrong...right?

10.  Pinterest. 

The best thing I can say about this is...it's cured my fascination with Facebook.

Discuss...

                                                                       

Amused Douche

Can we just take a second to discuss the Top Chef finale?

Let me just back up a moment to say that this is my favorite show on television; I have been a devotee since the very beginning, when Harold Dieterle won way back in 2005, way before the world was introduced to the semi-delights of one Padma Lakshmi.

I have suffered through the Hoseas ,the Kevins, and still...I love this show.  And not just because Tom Colicchio has the most amazing blue eyes since Ian Somerhalder.

But this year, the finale, I don't know...

First off, I am thrilled that there is finally another female Top Chef; it has been a long time coming since Stephanie Izard won back in 2008.  And Kristen totally deserved the win...but I disagree with the voting process this year.


Even though it did include my latest celebrity chef crush, Hugh Acheson, as one of the judges.

This year it was based on a round by round comparison; there was no debate at the end of the 5 course meal, there was a death by elimination factor wherein the judges decided there on the spot which dish was better.  And whoever had the best three out of five was automatically deemed the next Top Chef.

So Kristen won after round four. And Brooke never even got a chance to present her final dish.  So, what, Top Chef is suddenly a death match?

This is where my  mother and I disagree; she approved of the new format, stating, fairly, that normally during the debate portion of the program, certain judges can thereby exert their opinion on other, weaker-willed, easily persuaded judges, and proclaim the winner of their choice.

Fair enough.  But I always enjoy the debate. But I guess the bottom line is this: Tom Colicchio always gets his way.  And he's always right.

And it's near time for Top Chef Masters.  The scary part: Kathie Lee Gifford is signed up to be a guest judge.  *sigh*

Here's hoping this show doesn't jump the shark.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of the Day:

30 Days of Thanks...in one post or less

Tis the season...

1. My family
2. My job
3. Money
4. Normalcy
5. The Internet
6. Cable
7. Top Chef
8. Brit Pop
9. Razors
10. Makeup
11. Hair Color
12. Bras
13. Insight
14. My Brain...most days
15. The Rottenator...some days
16. E-cigs
17. Buffy
18. New York City & London
19. Cell phones
20. Diet Cherry Pepsi
21. Electricity
22. Freedom of religion, or the freedom not to have any religion at all
23. My country
24. Cars, and the ability to drive them
25. Forgiveness
26. Christmas
27. Snow
28. The ability to appreciate beauty in almost anything
29. Inner peace
30. Spell Check

Love and Hate

Stealing and slightly modifying an idea from one of my favorite bloggers, I've decided to create a list of things that I LOVE that other people hate.

1. Candy corn: it's dividing, I know.  You either love or hate candy corn.  I happen to love it. Even more than candy corn, I love the little pumpkins that are made from the same sugar, corn syrup with a little bit of honey (healthy!) sludge.  LOVE it!  
2. Mayonnaise: I order extra mayo on stuff.  I love it, can't get enough of it, don't care if it's unhealthy and fattening, I would slather that shit on a piece of cardboard and eat it if I could.
3. Cooking shows: Top Chef, Master Chef, Top Chef Masters, Hell's Kitchen, Kitchen Confidential, if it involves food and cooking, count me in!  Which leads me directly to:
4. Reality television.  My guilty pleasure. Not the normal "so you think you have talent well you don't so get the fuck off of my TV" shows, but stuff like Project Runway, Long Island Medium, Flipping Out, Real Housewives of Wherever, Say Yes to the Dress, Hoarders...I blame Bravo and The Learning Channel.
5. Cats.  Don't have any use for dogs, but I do love kitties.  Even the Nooge (aka my Katten) who is currently crawling all over me and biting and clawing.  He's lucky that he is occasionally sweet and often amusing...I guess it's his survival instincts kicking in or else he would find himself out with the trash.
6. Decorating for the holidays.  I will use any excuse to make anything sparkly, or light up, or glittery.  I would decorate for Labor Day if I could, but I'm not sure how to make union workers more festive...bedazzled hardhats perhaps?
7. Grocery shopping: the grocery store is my mecca.  It is my moment of zen, where I find my inner peace.  Probably because it's the only time I'm able to spend by myself with no distractions or annoyances like pets or fiances.  Also, I'm surrounded by my favorite thing in the world: food.
8. Citrus flavored desserts. I would choose a lemon pie over a chocolate pie any day.
9. Country ham: smells like week old road kill, but it is so salty, dry and delicious.  However, even I can only stomach it once a year (traditional Christmas breakfast!)
10. Cigarettes: yes, I've basically quit smoking, but I still miss it sometimes.  Not the smell, but the whole routine of it.  Which is why I have my e-Cig.  Though it's still not the same thing.  No matter how many different flavors I try (peanut butter and cake batter are two new faves), there is a relaxing sensation that comes with smoking a real cigarette that I still miss sometimes.  But not the possible lung cancer or emphysema that may eventually follow it.  I'll do just fine without those.

Not much more to say tonight; in fact, the above list was one that I started a few days ago and decided to go ahead and post as I don't have much more going on.  While the fall is definitely one of my favorite times of year, it also makes me melancholy for some reason.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

PS: Did I mention that I love Chris Martin?  He is funny and brilliant.

Episodes

So, I'm watching the Emmy's and realized that I no longer watch enough television to relate to the Emmy's or even really enjoy them anymore.  I blame television programming more than I blame myself.


Even though I did take the advice of a friend and finally caught up on this show called "Episodes" on Showtime starring Matt LeBlanc from, ironically enough, Friends.  Of course, it's on Showtime, so I guess all television is not bad...just network television.


Here's a clip from the episode I related to the most because it dealt with LeBlanc's growing old and getting fat.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip of the very end, where he's watching old footage of himself while eating an entire cheesecake, but this was funny too.

This was my birthday weekend, and overall, it was a success. My sister did a particularly excellent job of celebrating the wonder that is me by providing a Pinterest worthy spread of Japanese food, including crab rangoon dip, pb & j sushi rolls, beef skewers with yum-yum sauce and a Hello Kitty cake!

As my brother-in-law said, "just what every adult needs".  Indeed.  I even shared my rings with my nieces...some of them.

Oh, and when I arrived back at Bella Cucina, I found two big boxes awaiting me and they contained these wondrous delights:

Purple retro diner barstools!  They are totally awesome sauce, and expertly put together...by me...alone.  Which is why they are put together correctly...unlike our new entertainment center...which is put together assbackwards...with unpainted particle boards staring out at me like ugly scars that haunt my nightmares.  Yes, I'm looking at you, Rottenator.  With your non-direction reading, no-patience having ass.

These chairs, however, are perfect and beautiful and I've made myself nauseous and almost barfed numerous times by spinning around in them and sitting up really high so I can pretend I'm tall.  They're also Nooge-approved.

More angles from which to attack.

I also got two lovely cards; one from my niece, the Artist-Futurally-Known-As-Victoria:

And even the Rottenator showed he had a heart:

Though this doesn't make up for the fact that he also ate the leftovers of my birthday dinner behind my back and polished off the White Chocolate Reeses but left the empty bag in the candy drawer.  WTF, doesn't he know me and my food issues by now?!!! Whatever.

I also bought myself some birthday goodies.

Finish date TBD

Shark Footie Pajamas!

Cute, right?

These are not, unfortunately, Nooge-approved.

Protective gear

And I'm finally joining the Smart-world; only 1 gig too late, but I'm still excited...

I'm purple, biatch!

So perhaps I'll soon be able to post pics with better quality than these:

Let me help you with that typo.

All in all, a successful birthday, so there's no reason to feel depressed and anxious...none at all...

My Mood Ring(tone) of the day:

Count Blah

Glad to know I'm not the only one in a funk.

And also good to know it's not entirely period, job or life related.  It's those god dang planets.  And the weather.

So you know how you start a new job and you have high hopes that this is going to be the ONE? The life changer, the new career path?

Yeah, me neither.  Well actually that's not entirely true. I had a job once where I had high hopes that it was the ONE.  Well, it turned out (through both its fault and my own) not to be, so I floundered around for a while (you know, almost dying, wasting my life, working retail...actually those three things could be one in the same couldn't they?) until I found this one and I thought...

Okay.  I can do this.  It's a job, pays pretty well, good benefits, kinda-sorta similar to what I've done before, low key and low pressure, I'll take it.

Well, it's kicking my ass.  And it's not even the job yet; it's the training of the job that I'm finding hard to deal with so what the HELL is going to happen when I actually start the job itself?  I dunno...I hope I can handle it.  I'm filled with self-doubt, not necessarily about my abilities...well, that's not true.  I do doubt my abilities.

I hear all the time "you're smart, you'll get it, you'll catch on, you'll be fine" but I'm not as young as I used to be kiddos, and my brain realizes this.  Unfortunately.

It doesn't help that my trainer sucks and even the people who claim to be struggling and not "getting it" seem FAR more advanced and further along in their knowledge and abilities than I.

And it doesn't help that the one guy who started with me, Little Man Tate, certified idiot, has done better on our assessment test than myself.  It sucks.  He sucks, he doesn't give two shits about this job, and is excelling.  What...The...Hell...I don't get it.

I have my second test next Tuesday.  And I hope I'll be fine. It's not the "if you fail, you get fired" biggie exam, but it's still pressure.

So I'm glad to know it's the planets working against me.  And I'll be happy for the long weekend...that I'll probably spend studying.

Is it Friday yet?

Here's this, which I thought of when I titled this post; I'm probably the only person on the planet who remembers and loved this show (Seth Green can do no wrong).

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Quick aside: this is my 100th post.  A minor milestone of sorts.  Hurrah.  Wish it wasn't such a downer.