That's the first thing I thought about when the doctor handed me a pamphlet with the word "Dysplasia" at the top of it...
Yes, my first thoughts were of a much beloved and underrated movie from 1986 called Lucas wherein I was first introduced to the term " Leukoplakia".
Why, I don't know; just one of those things.
Sooo...had my Colpol today and needless to say, the doc was not satisfied with the results. So after much scraping, and sample taking and pamphlet giving, looks like I may have to have a minor surgery called a "LEEP" . We'll find out for sure on Friday...possibly Monday or Tuesday of next week, but in the meantime, I am going to milk this possible cancer thing because it is my birthday weekend, and if there is any way that I can feel more special, I'm going to exploit it.
With things like this:
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/122371314848308086/
Does that not look like the most delicious thing ever? I have demanded it of my sister....because I can... because possible cancer. Don't hate, I'm taking it easy on her, I could have demanded this!
But I didn't because she is a mother and does have a life and doesn't have multi-hours to spend on creating a spectacular dessert...besides, if she mastered this before I did, I could never live with myself.
And now off to sleep to prepare for another day at work....even though....screw you work I possibly have cancer!
Anyway, for whatever reason these two Dwight Yoakam songs have been in my head...don't know why...perhaps it's the cancer....
So, the Rottenator and I have recently rediscovered the sitcom "My Name Is Earl" courtesy of Netflix and all I have to say is...it is a more pleasurable experience than trying to relive the "Arrested Development" resurrection which was, I hate to admit, a disappointment.
You know the worst part about getting into a show after it's been off the air is realizing that no more new episodes will be created and and they leave you with a cliffhanger.
On another note, my glasses broke today but luckily I managed to find two nearly outdated contact lenses so at least I am not completely blind. It really was scary for a minute; the whole being completely blind thing. For a couple of minutes all I could picture was this:
But all is temporarily fine; I can see, and I'm due for some new frames anyway. I can't decide whether I'm going subtle or for the Lisa Loeb look.
Mostly because she is a born again Christian, and she consistently "likes" most of the inappropriate posts I ever post on Facebook ever. She even comments on them.
Cases in point:
This is just a small sampling; now here is a sampling of Aunt B's daily posts:
It just kills me that she can be so religious, yet so accepting of her family, no matter what. I think it must come with age, and quite frankly, facing your own mortality. See, Aunt Bettie has the "C", the "cancer", and she's currently going through chemo, and, I'm sure, looking at her past and thinking: "Life's too short, man."
I flirt with that philosophy myself. I had my own near-death experience about two years ago (even though I didn't realize it at the time), and find that I am more accepting of other people, much less judgemental than I used to be (although I still have my moments, believe me). You just appreciate people who you find are loyal and loving, and you start to see more of the good in them more than their flaws. Even though you may not have the same beliefs, agree with their life decisions, share their interests, you still love them. Because they love you.
And if they recognize your greatness, they can't be all bad, can they?
And check out this accent; this is the true south, I love it!
Which brings me to my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day (because the Rottenator has been extra sweet since my recent mental meltdown about work)...and believe it or not, he is one of the most accepting and least judgemental people I have ever met...if he loves you, that is...
I did manage to make a low-maintenance meal in the mean time, and I highly recommend it: served with a side of mac and cheese.
BBQ Meatballs. Who woulda thunk it, but it is so easy and delicious and even I, who has an aversion to sweet meat, find these to be amaze-balls.
1 (32 ounce) bag frozen meatballs
1 (9 ounce) jar grape jelly
1 (18 ounce) bottle spicy barbecue sauce
Directions:
1. Combine the barbecue sauce and grape jelly into the slow cooker and then add the meatballs.
2. Cook the mixture on high for 2 – 2 ½ hours until completely cooked through.
Ta-dah! This way, you can still appear to be productive and provide a hot meal for your family whilst sitting on yourgluteus maximus and crying over the fact that you will never be as hot as Buffy and regretting the misspent years of your youth.
My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:
PS: I am going to the beach in a few weeks, and I cannot wait.
So, Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I have to say...it went better than expected.
Not that the Rottenator wasn't horrible. Lemme tell you, that one was trying to get out of going to my fam's house until the very second we were in the driveway and he was pouting: "You don't care, you don't care, I don't want to do this and you just don't care!"
Well, it's too late now, buddy, get out of the fucking car.
And though he would never admit it, he actually had (dare I say it) a good time. At least a good time for him.
But the weeks leading up to it, his impending doom, were god awful. He was like a petulant child, a loud bully, and a grumpy old man all balled into one.
I really wasn't sure if our relationship was going to handle it. He did not understand how important him meeting my family was to me, and I had no idea of the sheer panic and terror coursing through his veins at the very thought of spending the day with a "bunch of strangers".
He honestly almost had a heart attack. I have been known to suffer from a bit of social anxiety myself, but never had I witnessed someone about to have a full blown panic attack over the thought of, in my eyes, hanging out with people who are basically going to be a part of our lives for a long, long time.
Sickly green, clammy, sweaty, riding in silence, I was beginning to wonder if it was really worth it. But I also knew that once he got there, it would be fine. It would be good for him, and it was completely necessary if we were going to be together.
Melodramatic on both of our parts, I know.
But it was such a good time. My sister and brother in law were the perfect hosts, and by the time the day was ending, there was smack talk about upcoming football games (thank God everyone's teams won), and the Rottenator was helping himself to food and walking around, and my niece, the 6 year old flirt, was flinging stuffed animals in his direction.
All signs of a successful gathering. And the best part? I didn't have to suffer any consequences! In fact, I was told that even though it certainly wasn't going to be an every weekend kind of a thing, the Rottenator wouldn't be completely opposed to attending such an event again! And no, I do not have any photographic evidence to prove that this momentous event actually happened, because I didn't want to push my luck, so you'll have to just take my word for it.
Needless to say, I am thrilled. I can't promise a Christmas reunion this year, but the possibilities are endless.
Speaking of Christmas, what the fuck is this?
Sacrilegious, that's what it is.
Also speaking of Christmas, because of this:
We will not be having a tree this year. Bummer. I love a Christmas tree, but I also don't want to spend every second of every day keeping a certain someone from knocking it over or climbing up it. So, plans are in the works to have a tree outside on our side porch.
In the meantime, I've got this on our front door:
And I've decorated every inch of our house with lights. I took most of these pics in the dark, because the lights are so much glowier that way (except the first one, obvs...)
And now...to the worst part of the holiday season.
We ventured forth to the 9th circle of hell (aka Walmart) to witness the spectacle of Black Friday because the Rottenator had never witnessed it before. As he watched with open-mouthed shock at the dregs of humanity that knocked each other over for $5 video games, I stood out of harms way and took horrified pictures.
This is the exact opposite of what I think the holiday season should be about.
See, I love Christmas. The Rottenator does not understand this because he does not have happy memories of Christmas. To me, Christmas is not just about giving gifts, or getting great bargains, or Santa, or Jesus, or the lack thereof.
I still hold onto the belief that Christmas is the time that we, as people, (in general), treat each other as we should treat each other every other day of the year. Yes, I have worked retail during the holidays, and, yes I have been yelled at or cursed out because we didn't have the newest or hottest toy in stock at rock bottom prices for parents consumed with the obsession of fulfilling their little spoiled brat's every superficial dream.
But still I manage to hold onto the feeling that at Christmas: everything is beautiful and sparkly, and magical, and if it makes just one more person treat another a little better than they normally would on an average day, then it's worth it to celebrate. No matter what religion you follow...or don't follow.
Cheesy? Probably. Sappy and sentimental, absolutely. And I don't care.
I mean, seriously, watch this video and tell me you don't feel a little bit happier today.
And no, for once, I am not talking about my monthly "troubles", I'm talking about my jinx...which I guess could also be considered my monthlies, but I digress.
I am not a sports player, nor necessarily an all-around sports fan. In fact, I didn't really learn to appreciate college football until about three years ago, when the Rottenator barged into my life.
However, I have been known to follow a sports figure or team now or again. Jim Courier comes prominently to mind. Have you ever heard of him? He's a tennis player, he won a few Opens, probably could have won a grand slam, all four Opens in the same year, but he never did. Know why? Because I became a fan. He retired soon after. A loser.
The list is long of the teams, actors, actresses, athletes, bands, all who have ended up losing that cherished trophy or broken up because I suddenly developed an interest in them.
I'm pretty sure I single-handedly brought down the entire genre of Brit Pop. You're either welcome, or I'm sorry. Whichever fits.
So this brings me to this weekend. Normally, I am an Alabama fan. Luckily, they seem immune to my curse so far but I think that's mostly due to the Rottenator and his undying life-long love for them. His powers far outreach my own when it comes to things like that. He is the Yoda to my Obi-Wan. Thank God. Because they are looking unstoppable so far this year...knock on wood. For the love of God.
The Gamecocks...not so much.
I attended my first college football game yesterday, at my sister's alma mater, the University of South Carolina. The Gamecocks. They have been having a really good season this year, with the exception of the past two weeks where they lost a nail-biter to LSU, and a smackdown by Florida. But, this weekend, they were playing at home, against the Tennessee Volunteers, and it was pretty much a given that they were going to win.
Which they did...barely...but not without a great deal of damage.
This is Marcus Lattimore.
He is an amazingly talented running back for Carolina. He practically wins most of their games for them by himself.
This is Marcus Lattimore yesterday, during the game that I attended.
Yeah...so...sorry? I'm not saying that I'm bad luck or anything but I'm freakin' bad luck! Well, I can at least take solace in the fact that I'm not the WORST luck, because if that were the case, then I would have taken out Jadaveon Clowney too and the entire season would have been a wash, but as it is, Tennessee has far worse luck than even I can conflict on a team, so they ended up fumbling in the last few minutes of the game, and Carolina ended up winning.
Though I do have a fondness for Tennessee's coach, Derek Dooley. And losing that game yesterday probably cost him his job.
Oh God.
That being said, the Rottenator and I had a really good time. And here are the pics to prove it! And no, it didn't rain. Yet as cloudy as it was, I ended up with a sunburn. Yes, I am the palest girl on the planet. However, now, I am a bonafide redneck.
The Rottenator...and a handsome young man in an Atari shirt
Whoever said "Money can't buy happiness" was obviously an obnoxiously rich depressed fuck or some hairy arm-pitted hippy, because, lemme tell you, having a little bit of scratch does make the world better.
No, the Rottenator and I are not rolling in it yet, but our financial situation is more stable than it has ever been in the entire time we've been together, and although we still have our quibbles and squabbles, our relationship is better too.
Because you know what? Money can buy a reliable car, dinners at mid-scales buffets, a little peace of mind, and lots of cat treats and e-cig accessories.
Which leads to less stress. And less stress = less violently angry Rottenator which makes the world a more enjoyable place.
The way to a man's heart truly is through his stomach...and his love of football.
Which why this jersey:
And tickets to this game this weekend:
are probably the best purchases of my life.
Other than this:
In other me related news, I had a great time at my sister's house this weekend, babysitting her chirren:
who are just the most hilarious and beautiful children in the word. It was my sister's birthday, so I purchased these for her (she's a Gamecock and Bill Murray fan, obvs):
In fact, I don't believe I would be exaggerating if I were to say that Bill Murray needs to hire extra security.
Just sayin'.
So anyhoo, things are still going well. New trainer at work, hurrah! Which makes it a lot better. Speaking of that, I think that the US of A needs to rethink it's work schedule. Or at least my company does, because 4 days on/3 days off leaves me much more motivated. In fact, even after a weekend away from home, I still managed to do laundry, clean the house, go to the grocery store, and post some mail. Having a free day during the normal "work week" should be a routine...for me, of course, not for everyone else, because then I wouldn't be able to get my shit done, which would defeat the purpose.
To recap:
New car...
New washer and dryer...
New accessories for the car...
Life is pretty darn okay right now. Only two things would make it complete...
Stealing and slightly modifying an idea from one of my favorite bloggers, I've decided to create a list of things that I LOVE that other people hate.
Candy corn: it's dividing, I know. You either love or hate candy corn. I happen to love it. Even more than candy corn, I love the little pumpkins that are made from the same sugar, corn syrup with a little bit of honey (healthy!) sludge. LOVE it!
Mayonnaise: I order extra mayo on stuff. I love it, can't get enough of it, don't care if it's unhealthy and fattening, I would slather that shit on a piece of cardboard and eat it if I could.
Cooking shows: Top Chef, Master Chef, Top Chef Masters, Hell's Kitchen, Kitchen Confidential, if it involves food and cooking, count me in! Which leads me directly to:
Reality television. My guilty pleasure. Not the normal "so you think you have talent well you don't so get the fuck off of my TV" shows, but stuff like Project Runway, Long Island Medium, Flipping Out, Real Housewives of Wherever, Say Yes to the Dress, Hoarders...I blame Bravo and The Learning Channel.
Cats. Don't have any use for dogs, but I do love kitties. Even the Nooge (aka my Katten) who is currently crawling all over me and biting and clawing. He's lucky that he is occasionally sweet and often amusing...I guess it's his survival instincts kicking in or else he would find himself out with the trash.
Decorating for the holidays. I will use any excuse to make anything sparkly, or light up, or glittery. I would decorate for Labor Day if I could, but I'm not sure how to make union workers more festive...bedazzled hardhats perhaps?
Grocery shopping: the grocery store is my mecca. It is my moment of zen, where I find my inner peace. Probably because it's the only time I'm able to spend by myself with no distractions or annoyances like pets or fiances. Also, I'm surrounded by my favorite thing in the world: food.
Citrus flavored desserts. I would choose a lemon pie over a chocolate pie any day.
Country ham: smells like week old road kill, but it is so salty, dry and delicious. However, even I can only stomach it once a year (traditional Christmas breakfast!)
Cigarettes: yes, I've basically quit smoking, but I still miss it sometimes. Not the smell, but the whole routine of it. Which is why I have my e-Cig. Though it's still not the same thing. No matter how many different flavors I try (peanut butter and cake batter are two new faves), there is a relaxing sensation that comes with smoking a real cigarette that I still miss sometimes. But not the possible lung cancer or emphysema that may eventually follow it. I'll do just fine without those.
Not much more to say tonight; in fact, the above list was one that I started a few days ago and decided to go ahead and post as I don't have much more going on. While the fall is definitely one of my favorite times of year, it also makes me melancholy for some reason.
My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:
PS: Did I mention that I love Chris Martin? He is funny and brilliant.
So, obviously, I can only diet when the Rottenator is at work, because on his days off, he likes to frequent the buffets which I do not enjoy on the whole, but I am powerless to resist any offer of food, especially when it is in abundance.
*sigh*
I'm also unable to resist free food, and there was an ice cream social at work today, so of course I partook.
Did I stop with one scoop of vanilla ice cream? Did I bypass the ice cream in favor of the fresh fruit which was also being offered?
Oh, please, honestly? Don't be silly; of course I made a big ass sundae complete with strawberry, chocolate, and caramel sauce, topped by Butterfinger bits, peanuts and whipped cream.
I am weak. I can't wait to step on the scale tomorrow and see my weight-loss of seven pounds being stripped away in a matter of seconds.
But I didn't dissolve into true madness after counting up my calories on My Fitness Pal and come home and devour pepperoni slices, Tostitos Hint of Lime chips with dill dip, or even an Oatmeal Cream Pie. I was even honest with my 350 calorie surplus and my lack of water intake.
And I stopped eating for the night. I also have not had a cigarette today, so I can officially say this is my first day of not smoking. Yes, I vaped to get my nicotine fix, and although it is not a perfect solution it is certainly better than the alternatives.
Which are lung cancer, emphysema, heart disease, and murder (of loved ones and innocent strangers).
So, I consider today a relative success.
Also, my tulip tree is blooming again, which is a wonderful surprise, because it bloomed once over the spring, then we had a hard freeze, which turned all the beautiful flowers black with a quickness. I didn't expect to see them again until next season, but here is proof that this god forsaken summer hasn't killed all of nature's beauty.
I really wish I had a better camera and a better cell phone, but you get the idea of how pretty this bloom is I hope.
All for now, long day, but tomorrow is casual day at work so I get to dress comfortably, and it's Friday, yay!
It's funny, when I first started this entry, the opening line was going to be: "Man, I wish there was a Batman premiere every day!" but the I was quickly reminded by my brain of how inappropriate this would be considering what happened in Colorado, so I had to take a step back and rethink my intro.
Because, yes, despite outward appearances, sometimes there is a bit of thought that goes into these entries.
To clarify what I originally meant, my ill-timed and inappropriate phrase has not so much to do with the film (although it was AWESOME with a capital SAUCE, more on that later), but the mood of the Rottenator since then.
It's like he's a whole new person. A pleasant person in a good mood who is actually...helpful, and generous, dare I say.
Oh, believe me, I know that this is temporary insanity on his part, but damn, I have been enjoying the hell out of it. After the movie, we went to eat at PF Changs (again! I love that place, so this was fabulous, and we got great service and free food...again!), then hit the mall, where I got a new pair of kicks.
Reeboks; on clearance, 50% off, and cute to boot!
Then Sunday, it was laundry day, but we went out again(!) and I got three new shirts, and he didn't even bitch (that much) about the amount of $ I spent at the grocery store, AND he made dinner Sunday, AND he washed a sinkfull of dishes, AND he vacuumed the living room.
(Of course, he expected to be thanked profusely and worshipped for performing these three chores that I perform without anyone noticing on a daily basis with hardly any thanks whatsoever, but hey, it's cool, because his participation really was appreciated).
This change in personality can only be attributed to the release of this movie he's been waiting a year to see combined with our recent two-income household (relative) wealth, so on the whole, it was a good weekend.
That being said, I have come to recently realize that if I don't get at least one chill day on my days away from work, I am freakin' exhausted come Monday. I mean, seriously, yesterday, I fell asleep at around 9:30pm and was a zombie at work. All because Saturday, we had an activity filled day, and then Sunday, it was chore day.
I don't know whether to attribute this to my advanced age, my lack of in-shapeness, or my mental instability, but it is not cool. I'm still a little wiped out today, quite frankly, and I find this unacceptable. How to change it, I don't know. This weekend will be better, because the Rottenator has to work, so I will have at least Sunday to chill. Maybe this just means that my relationship to God is getting closer, because even He needed a break on the 7th day, right?
So, I mentioned PF Chang's and the free food, right? Okay, check it: again, yesterday, me, exhausted, I knew the Rottenator was covered food-wise with his leftover stew, and we had a whole meal of Wok-Seared Beef with my name on it waiting for me in our fridge last night. I was practically salivating, because I didn't have to cook dinner, I didn't have the energy to cook dinner, and all I wanted was to go home and nuke my delicious PF Chang's and enjoy a delicious meal. I had been thinking about it since, oh, noon, when I had a very unsatisfying Lean Cuisine that did more to piss me off than it did to fill me up.
So, I get home. I ask the Rottenator: "So, you're having stew for dinner, right?"
Rottenator: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh good, then I'm going to change into fancy pants and heat up that PF Chang's."
R: "Uh..."
M: "What, did you eat it? You said you were having stew!"
R: "It smelled funny...I threw it out".
Again, I would like to direct your attention to this clip of Ross from Friends:
Um...so...yeah. The Rottenator has a thing about food. And it's totally fucked up when you think about it. He doesn't like leftovers, it's like he was poisoned in a former life or something, and he won't eat anything that's a day old, or has been sitting out for more than 30 seconds, or that has an expiration date less than 30 days away. What doesn't make sense is that this boy will also happily stuff his face at any buffet with the words Golden, Ryan's, Duke's or Eastern in front of it and not think twice about how long it's been sitting there festering on a hotplate under lukewarm lights, or how many booger filled hands have played with the cookies and dove face forward into the chocolate fountain.
OH, and the boy doesn't throw ANYTHING away. We have collections of empty deodorant bottles, body spray, baby powder (yes, he uses baby powder; he has delicate skin and "chafes easily") and crockpots sitting in the fridge with two tablespoons of beef stew broth sitting in it.
Yet he throws away my Chinese food. Mine. Despite that I have tried to explain to him on numerous occasions that I am a fat girl with deep-seeded food possession issues (translation: all the food on the planet is mine, whether it's yours or not, whether I want to eat it or not, it's mine. You may borrow or ask for it and I will give it to you, as long as I am promised a replacement ASAP. I know, it's a problem. I'm working on it). It would be okay if I could make sense of his mindset at all, but I can't. Other than to explain it away as:
He doesn't care because it doesn't directly concern him so fuck it, chuck it.
He is lazy and does not like to clean, and that far outweighs his need to throw away things that offend him.
Whatever, it was a minor irritation during what was an overall success of a weekend so I'll overlook it...once again. But that doesn't mean his precious Little Debbie snacks were not threatened.
Back to Batman: the film is amazing. Absolutely brilliant, and I love Christopher Nolan, not only for his eloquent and heartfelt statement about the tragedies in Colorado but also because in this film, which could have easily been a testosterone fueled joy-ride, he let the heroines shine.
Anne Hathaway as Catwoman is so bad ass Buffy-level fierce, I adore her. And highly recommend seeing this movie if for nothing else, to take some power away from the truly insane and evil events that transpired in our country.
And now for the unnecessary pictures of the Nooge, who is driving me batshit crazy as usual.
Attached to the curtain (note that I am taking pictures, yet offering no assistance):
Remember this? Yeah, well, this is the result of all my blood, sweat & tears:
That's it. Out of the hundreds, nay, thousands, of seeds I planted a single flower bloomed.
I'm not even gonna post a picture of my disgusting mosquito-infested swamp pond. Needless to say, the incessant heat and lack of rain this season has not been kind to my garden.
and unless you've been living under a rock for the past 24 hours, you know about what went down in Colorado at the midnight premiere. And all I have to say about that is...what the fuckity fuck America? Jesus Christ, seriously?!?! Other than that, words fail me. Everyone from the news media to the person sitting in the cube at work next to you has a theory/thought/opinion on this and what should happen next, and how it should be handled to the point that I'm not even going to get into it here because this is not that kind of blog or forum for dealing with something so horrific and tragic. And, obviously, it has nothing to do with me, so, therefore, I shall move on. Other than to say that I just...don't...get...it.
That being said, the Rottenator and I are going to see the movie tomorrow (what's that you say? Two date nights in two three weeks? That must be some kind of record? It is!) and I am still looking forward to it mostly because the Rottenator doesn't have a lot of things he gets excited about (other than Alabama football) but this is one of them, so it should be a good day...and I will try to ignore the very slight feeling of apprehension I'm getting over the thought of possible copycats hanging outside the theatre waiting to mow us down. If it's our time to go, it's our time. If it's my time...I shall try to use the Rottenator as a shield as much as possible.
I hope you all have good weekends, too, and I wish you many happy date nights of your own.
My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day: (is totally random, but this song just popped into my head while I was at work today and I remembered how much I love it).
Luckily, I did indeed pass my own work test, so I can relax now for about six weeks until the next one...whatever, but it's over.
Speaking of work, my new BFF work buddy Meryl* is also a smoker, but has started the transition to E-cigs and she let me test smoke one of hers for a few days and let me just say...I really love it.
http://www.volcanoecigs.com/inferno-kit-1041.html
It's semi-stylish, and it gets the job done. A quick little nicotine buzz without all the nasty smell, smoke, and carcinogenics, just as bad (good?) for you as a diet cherry pepsi...which I am also trying to phase out in the form of water.
Soon, I will have no more vices...with the exception of peanut butter & jelly ice cream.
So, my sister has introduced me to MyFitnessPal which I'm going to give a try; it's a free calorie and exercise tracker so I hope to lose this extra 30-40lbs before my regaining gets out of control. It seems reasonable enough; now all I have to do is really get serious about counting my calories and doing something about this because I'm really getting angry with myself. I've been eating so much, and so often, I've almost forgotten what it's like to feel really hungry. I'm more accustomed to what it feels like to be uncomfortably full, which is certainly not healthy.
You know what's also not healthy? Cats on kitchen counters.
Oh, hai, welcome to Kitty Yoga!
Let me just clean up a bit first then we'll get started!
The Rottenator is already talking about having second thoughts about the "snip snip". I, however, am counting the days. I wonder if they offer a two-for-one deal (or would it be considered four-for-two?)
*not her real name, but she's as fabulous and dramatic as a young Meryl Streep, so that's how I shall refer to her.
