Nothing New, What's Up With You?

So, a brief recap of my uber exciting life:

I've just finished preparing a ginormous packet of useless paperwork to send to the IRS to prove to them why I can't possibly pay off the exorbitant debt that they claim I owe.  I've managed to make it as confusing and disorganized as possible; payback, you might say, for how I've found their dealings with me when it comes to this situation.

Plus, my income is approximately $30 less than my outcome per month so let's see how they handle that.

Also, I desperately need new clothes.  Like, desperately. I do not know how I managed to overlook this, but I have no appropriate spring/summer clothes.  So I'm danger of either quitting my  job for fear of appearing like a hobbit hobo or dying of heat-stroke because I'm wearing wool sweaters in 80 degree weather.  So, despite the Rottenator's budget, I am going shopping this weekend. 

I had a "WOW" call evaluation at work which probably means nothing to you, much as it means nothing to me other than the fact that maybe I'll be left alone for a minute.  Basically, it looks like I'm fairly competent at a job that I despise.  I don't know how I feel about that.

Other than that, nothing new.

Although, after reviewing my recent posts and Mood Ring(tones) of the Day, I have come to realize that I am this guy:

I'll have to examine that in a future post, how to reconcile my love of Britpop and Rap and the occasional country song into one cohesive summation of my overall being.

But in the meantime, I'll just share this picture of a pine tree that I captured at work the other day.

It is totally giving the world the finger.  I am this pine tree.

And to continue with my seemingly out of character Mood Ring(tone) of the Day, I give you:

Incidentally, this song was played both at my sister's bachelorette party AND her wedding reception.  We are an interesting family indeed.

Sistahs Are Doin' It For Themselves

So, my sister and I decided to get our hair did this weekend (our respective hairs, we don't share one unfortunately, in this case).

My sister's ultra awesome, glamorous and professional do:

My homestyle...style(?)

Really?  And note the paleness...I'm surprised I even showed up on camera.  Needless to say, Feria to the rescue tonight...God willing...

Hopefully I'll take the towel off my head and look exactly like the girl above.

*sigh* But that's okay; whenever I start to feel really awful about myself, I just pull up this image and feel a HELL of a lot better.

Though I can't imagine Alyson Hannigan would feel the same...

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day (in honor of my hair):

Though on second thought...this video is more appropriate to describe the mood of my hair...in that I hate every aspect of it...

Clean Sweep

It's funny, when I first started this entry, the opening line was going to be: "Man, I wish there was a Batman premiere every day!" but the I was quickly reminded by my brain of how inappropriate this would be considering what happened in Colorado, so I had to take a step back and rethink my intro.

Because, yes, despite outward appearances, sometimes there is a bit of thought that goes into these entries.

To clarify what I originally meant, my ill-timed and inappropriate phrase has not so much to do with the film (although it was AWESOME with a capital SAUCE, more on that later), but the mood of the Rottenator since then.

It's like he's a whole new person.  A pleasant person in a good mood who is actually...helpful, and generous, dare I say.

Oh, believe me, I know that this is temporary insanity on his part, but damn, I have been enjoying the hell out of it.  After the movie, we went to eat at PF Changs (again! I love that place, so this was fabulous, and we got great service and free food...again!), then hit the mall, where I got a new pair of kicks.

Reeboks; on clearance, 50% off, and cute to boot!

Then Sunday, it was laundry day, but we went out again(!) and I got three new shirts, and he didn't even bitch (that much) about the amount of $ I spent at the grocery store, AND he made dinner Sunday, AND he washed a sinkfull of dishes, AND he vacuumed the living room.

(Of course, he expected to be thanked profusely and worshipped for performing these three chores that I perform without anyone noticing on a daily basis with hardly any thanks whatsoever, but hey, it's cool, because his participation really was appreciated).

This change in personality can only be attributed to the release of this movie he's been waiting a year to see combined with our recent two-income household (relative) wealth, so on the whole, it was a good weekend.

That being said, I have come to recently realize that if I don't get at least one chill day on my days away from work, I am freakin' exhausted come Monday.  I mean, seriously, yesterday, I fell asleep at around 9:30pm and was a zombie at work.  All because Saturday, we had an activity filled day, and then Sunday, it was chore day.

I don't know whether to attribute this to my advanced age, my lack of in-shapeness, or my mental instability, but it is not cool.  I'm still a little wiped out today, quite frankly, and I find this unacceptable.  How to change it, I don't know.  This weekend will be better, because the Rottenator has to work, so I will have at least Sunday to chill.  Maybe this just means that my relationship to God is getting closer, because even He needed a break on the 7th day, right?

So, I mentioned PF Chang's and the free food, right?  Okay, check it: again, yesterday, me, exhausted, I knew the Rottenator was covered food-wise with his leftover stew, and we had a whole meal of Wok-Seared Beef with my name on it waiting for me in our fridge last night.  I was practically salivating, because I didn't have to cook dinner, I didn't have the energy to cook dinner, and all I wanted was to go home and nuke my delicious PF Chang's and enjoy a delicious meal.  I had been thinking about it since, oh, noon, when I had a very unsatisfying Lean Cuisine that did more to piss me off than it did to fill me up.

So, I get home.  I ask the Rottenator: "So, you're having stew for dinner, right?" 
Rottenator: "Yeah."
Me:  "Oh good, then I'm going to change into fancy pants and heat up that PF Chang's."
R: "Uh..."
M: "What, did you eat it?  You said you were having stew!"
R: "It smelled funny...I threw it out".

Again, I would like to direct your attention to this clip of Ross from Friends:

Um...so...yeah.  The Rottenator has a thing about food.  And it's totally fucked up when you think about it.  He doesn't like leftovers, it's like he was poisoned in a former life or something, and he won't eat anything that's a day old, or has been sitting out for more than 30 seconds, or that has an expiration date less than 30 days away.  What doesn't make sense is that this boy will also happily stuff his face at any buffet with the words Golden, Ryan's, Duke's or Eastern in front of it and not think twice about how long it's been sitting there festering on a hotplate under lukewarm lights, or how many booger filled hands have played with the cookies and dove face forward into the chocolate fountain.

OH, and the boy doesn't throw ANYTHING away.  We have collections of empty deodorant bottles, body spray, baby powder (yes, he uses baby powder; he has delicate skin and "chafes easily") and crockpots sitting in the fridge with two tablespoons of beef stew broth sitting in it.

Yet he throws away my Chinese food.  Mine.  Despite that I have tried to explain to him on numerous occasions that I am a fat girl with deep-seeded food possession issues (translation: all the food on the planet is mine, whether it's yours or not, whether I want to eat it or not, it's mine.  You may borrow or ask for it and I will give it to you, as long as I am promised a replacement ASAP.  I know, it's a problem.  I'm working on it).  It would be okay if I could make sense of his mindset at all, but I can't.  Other than to explain it away as:

• He doesn't care because it doesn't directly concern him so fuck it, chuck it.
• He is lazy and does not like to clean, and that far outweighs his need to throw away things that offend him.

Whatever, it was a minor irritation during what was an overall success of a weekend so I'll overlook it...once again.  But that doesn't mean his precious Little Debbie snacks were not threatened.

Back to Batman:  the film is amazing.  Absolutely brilliant, and I love Christopher Nolan, not only for his eloquent and heartfelt statement about the tragedies in Colorado but also because in this film, which could have easily been a testosterone fueled joy-ride, he let the heroines shine.

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman is so bad ass Buffy-level fierce, I adore her. And highly recommend seeing this movie if for nothing else, to take some power away from the truly insane and evil events that transpired in our country.

And now for the unnecessary pictures of the Nooge, who is driving me batshit crazy as usual.

Attached to the curtain (note that I am taking pictures, yet offering no assistance):

Watching Maru, because everyone loves Maru:

 

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

God Doesn't Like Stubby

Every day when I arrive home and ease my bloody stumps out of my dress shoes, I am reminded of the following episode of Modern Family:

http://www.movieweb.com/tv/TEIT4dC4EJneLP/jay-gets-gloria-new-shoes

 

Why can't we all just wear comfy shoes at all times?  The world would be a much happier place.

But then again, the world would also be a place filled with eye sores like this:

And this:

Incidentally, it's scary how much that damn cat looks like the Nooge...very.

So, I ask you, is it really worth it?  On most days I would say hell no, but today...I'm torn.

But not that much. 

My Mood Ring(tone) Today:

Dedicated to the Rottenator.

 

Spanx For Nothing

Well, the Rottenator is off to work, so you know what that means: par-tay up in herra!  Actually, what that normally means is "cleaning frenzy for Kathleen" but I'm caught up on my cleaning, so I'm bored and I decided: "Hey, what better way to cure this boredom than to add a little dash of self-loathing to the mix to spice things up a bit?"

So, in preparation for my new career, which begins on Tuesday, I decided to give my Spanx a test drive. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what Spanx are; there's probably no woman on the planet who doesn't know someone who owns a pair if they do not in fact own one themselves.

Incidentally, the woman who created Spanx, Sara Blakely, is one of my heroes along with JK Rowling.  She's a fucking BILLIONAIRE, yo.  That's with a "B".  That's not why she's my hero; she's one of my heroes because she came about being a billionaire all on her own, from nothing, sewing panty hose onto underwear in her little place in the ATL (holla!) while supporting herself as a single mom.  That's fucking amazing.  JK Rowlings has much the same story, only she was a single mum.  I love these women.

That's what makes this so painful, not as painful as trying on my Spanx, but close.

See, I've been hearing what a miracle this garment is, so of course I had to try it.  I have a lot of imperfect anatomical parts, but the one that's bothered me the most, even since losing weight, is my tummy.  I still have a muffin top no matter how much dieting and exercising I avoid doing, so I thought Spanx would be a great way to help out in that area until I get my membership to the Y, which is dependent on my first pay check in three weeks. I opted for this little number right here .

So tonight, I tried them on...I would insert a photo here of me in said Spanx but I don't think you're ready for that. Hell, I'm not even ready for that.  And I don't want to get sued for sexual harassment or personal injury to eyeballs, so I'll just spare you that image.  I'll leave the sexual imagery to my sister, who is cultivating a very disturbing but possibly profitable interest in Uniporn© (copyright pending).


Yeah, so Spanx.  They were not entirely what I was expecting.  First of all, they are not as comfortable as everyone raves.  No, they do not bind like a girdle, but they do fit like pantyhose, in that the crotch is somewhere around my knees, and even after a great deal of pulling and twisting and other gymnastic quality motions they still only ended up approximately in the general area of my nether regions.


Okay, fine, whatever.  I'll add an extra 15 minutes to my getting ready for work time (time that I can subtract from my exercise routine) so I could live with that.  Especially because once I actually pulled them up, I did notice that my stomach appeared flatter, and my pants fit better, so okay.  I was willing to put up with them to the point that I wore them around the house for a minute, doing various chores.


And then I sat down.  And they rolled down past my stomach to my hips.  Defeating their purpose completely.  So what the hell is the point of buying a pair of undergarments to help flatten your stomach when all they do is bunch up at your waist, making you look bulkier than before?


I still may give them a try; we shall see.  I definitely will not attempt them with a skirt because I don't think it screams "we hired the right girl for the job!" when that girl is adjusting herself more often than a baseball pitcher.


Spanx, prior to experiment:

Spanx, post experiment, crumbled into a ball of rage:

How I'm Feeling Today (embracing my inner geek with a little bit of Dr. Who):

If You A Fly Gal Get Your Nails Done

So, after weeks and months of not being able to afford this luxury, I finally got my nails did today!

Before:

 

After:

And although they are an obvious improvement (anything short of missing fingers would have been an improvement), I am not happy with the results. I mean, wtf?  Did the manicurist see me sitting across the table from her and think, "She is short, stubby and square! I will give her nails to match!" ("Cô ấy là ngắn, mập và hình vuông!Tôi sẽ cho móng tay của cô để phù hợp với!") Because that is NOT what I was looking for in the least.


But what I find more frustrating is my own reaction, or, lack of, more accurately, to the situation.  At no time did I speak up and say "I'd like more of an oval shape, please."  I sat there while she filed thinking that at any time she was going to round off the tips, keeping hope even up to the point where I was washing my hands and waiting for the polish.


And that pisses me off.  Why the fuck didn't I, the consumer, request what I wanted?  What I was paying for.  I could have done it very nicely, as in the example before, but no.  ANY kind of confrontation, uncomfortable situation, chance of argument, is to be avoided at any cost.  That is one part of my personality that I am totally conflicted about because on the one hand, I like being nice.  I don't want to be the reason that anyone feels bad, or has a bad day, because I know how I feel when the situations are reversed, and I'm doing my best to deliver awesome customer service, and am met with rudeness for the point of being rude.  It seriously ruins my life, and I never let that shit go.  Ever.


On the other hand, I avoid confrontation to the point that it is actually detrimental, and I will avoid actually handling situations, or taking care of necessary business in order to avoid a possible conflict, and this often times makes the situation THAT much worse and it blow it up into THAT MUCH MORE of a situation than it ever had to be had I just had the balls to speak up.


Or I get stuck paying $25 for nails that I stare at in hatred knowing that I'm going to be stuck with them for at least three weeks, and wonder how odd it would be to wear gloves in summer.


There has to be a happy medium somewhere, and there is.  I don't have to be the Rottenator, who takes an active pleasure in being confrontational and argumentative because he enjoys the conflict and the reaction he gets, and honestly doesn't give a fuck what people who don't know him think about him.  However, I also don't have to be the pushover who will actually apologize to some rude old bitch who runs me over with their shopping cart and acts like it's my fault that I exist on this planet and how dare I happen to be in line in front of her.


So, that's my resolve.  I'm 40 fucking years old, I don't have to go around apologizing to everyone for shit that isn't my fault.  And neither do I have to be the fucking old heifer that I secretly want to trip so she'll fall over her shopping cart and break an arthritic hip while I laugh inwardly and prance off on my calcium enriched bones.


I shall find the perfect mix of passive aggressiveness.


How I'm Feeling Today:

Ready for the Beach!

Ready for the Beach! by ainslee921 featuring summer bags

Forte Forte full length skirt
$334 - matchesfashion.com

Sport tankini swimwear
$29 - sportsauthority.com

Ralph Lauren Collection espadrille shoes
$295 - ralphlauren.com

Rachel Comey summer bag
$322 - gargyle.com

Mali Sabatasso 24 karat gold jewelry
$170 - maxandchloe.com

White winter hat
$14 - target.com

Monki retro shades
€10 - monki.com

Burts Bees lip treatment
£3.49 - debenhams.com

Quelle est cette chose appelée shopping?

So, yeah, I bought clothes yesterday!  Grown up professional clothes and shit.  Did I purchase any of the items above?  Of course not, don't be silly.  In fact, the lip purse itself was probably more than my entire allotted clothes buying budget.

 

Nevertheless, $75 later (including thrifted items from the Mother, Grandmother & the good folks at Goodwill with a side trip to Payless and the Wu-mart), check it, I have a brand new wardrobe that will last me at least two weeks of mixing and matching without too many repeats.

 

Do not mock the Goodwill, Payless, or the Wu-mart, thank you very much.  An extra bonus of being significantly smaller than I have been previously in life is that it opens up an WHOLE NEW WORLD (cue Ariel the Little Mermaid here) of clothing opportunities that I never previously knew existed.

 

I've always hated shopping...as one does when faced with the limited selection of muumuus and elastic waisted jorts that are available to encompass one's expanded girth. EXPENSIVE muumuus and jorts, I might add.  Talk about sticking it to the "healthy" girls: not only will we mock you by making impossibly hideous clothing that you will be forced to wear, we'll also make you pay out the ass for anything that doesn't make you look like Jabba.

However, being in the comfortable 12-16 size range, I can now find a pretty decent selection of slacks, skirts, and yes, even buttoned down shirts (gasp!) for cheap.  Cheap, cheap cheap, without looking it.

Example: I bought a pair of St. John gray dress slacks WITH the tag still on them for $1.75 at Goodwill.  Beat that, bitches.

They are currently between seasons at apparel stores, apparently (see what I did...nevermind), at least they are at Wal-mart, so a lot of their long sleeved but still lightweight shirts and sweaters are significantly reduced.  Seriously, 50-75% off.  I will be working in an air-conditioned environment, so needless to say, I benefited greatly from this; on average, my shirts cost between $5-$7 a piece.

This just made me realize that if Walmart was doing this then probably other stores, like Target or even (gasp!) Macy's or Nordstrom or Neiman-Marcus...dammit!  

Well, I'm not there financially (YET!) but that just gave me even MORE incentive to keep working on this body thing.  Because one day, oh, yes, I will have the $ to shop at high-end department stores.  And I will want to have the figure to continue to enjoy the wide selection of choices that will be available to me.

And I will still shop between seasons, because nothing excites me more than a bargain.  Only now, instead of putting my financial abilities to work at the grocery store...I shall apply them to refilling my wardrobe.

I'm already excited about shopping for upcoming birthdays and holidays.  I need to let my sister know to get her lists in order...though I'm sure her chirren already have gifts in mind.

 

How I'm feeling today:

Festive for the 4th

Festive for the 4th by ainslee921 featuring long skirts

Sonia Rykiel short sleeve t shirt
$235 - repertoirefashion.co.uk

Enza Costa long skirt
€259 - jades24.com

Red, White, and Blue Velvet Flag Bow
$1.99 - celebrateexpress.com

Balenciaga platform sandals
$363 - bluefly.com

Resin ring
$8.99 - macys.com

Ellis Faas red lips makeup
£22 - liberty.co.uk

Deborah Lippmann glitter nail polish
$18 - neimanmarcus.com