That's good enough for me; however, it is not good enough for the Rottenator. Mr. "We need to save money for a second car and Harry Potter blah blah blah" would not touch a left-over even if it slapped him in the face and demanded to be eaten.
I don't get it. I can make a beef stew on Sunday, and still be snacking on it for lunch on Tuesday.
The Rottenator, however, is convinced that bacteria starts forming on meat within two hours of it being prepared so he won't touch it.
HOWEVER, he will chow down on a chocolate peanut butter Reeses bunny like it's nobody's business if it's left in a cabinet for more than one day.
He ate the face first. Then finished off the rest of it with abandon.
I relayed this information to my mother who happened to mention that I may possibly have food issues (duh!) and this particular "all the food in the universe is mine don't touch it or I'll cut you" impulse is heriditary.
Good to know I'm crazy for a reason. It seems my father was the same way. In fact, the Mother relayed an incident wherein my father and my godfather left their chocolate bunnies in the refridgerator for more than one hour and she devoured them both and my dad freaked the fuck out. With good reason. My mother's explanation:
"Well I warned them." Are you kidding me? THAT IS NO EXCUSE!!!!
It was MY chocolate peanut butter bunny and there will never be another one like it and you took it from me and now you must suffer and possibly die.
Those are the consequences of touching MY food.
Tell me people, who is right in this situation? And if you say that it's anyone other than me, believe me, I know how to cut a bitch.
Back from Easter vacation at Edisto Beach, SC, and am very sad to be back, I must say. I love the beach. The relaxation, the wind, the waves, the smells, the food...oh, yes the food...
There is no more appropriate place than the beach to enjoy a uniquely southern dish known as "Shrimp and Grits". And oh my God, if you've never had it, then you are missing out:
I decided to indulge this weekend, and had a taste test between two local restaurants (not that there are a lot to choose from on this humble island) and tried out the shrimp and grits at the Sea Cow and the Waterfront...which doesn't have a website, which is so stupid, because they are awesome. And they won this taste test.
Though both were amazeballs. You know what else is amazeballs? Pimento Cheese burgers. Those were enjoyed courtesy of McConkey's Jungle Shack.
So, tomorrow, the diet and the dreaded workweek start again, but in the meantime, I will share with you the best recipes I have ever found for Pimento Cheese and Shrimp and Grits and just a few pics of my lovely holiday weekend.
Pimento Cheese:
6 ounces cream cheese
1/2 cup Vermont extra sharp white cheddar cheese, grated
3/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese, grated
1 cup Monterrey jack cheese, grated
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon red wine vinegar
4 ounces pimientos (in a jar), chopped
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1 dash hot sauce (or more!)
fresh ground black pepper, to taste
Directions:
1
Using a hand held mixer, beat cream cheese until soft.
2
Add the remaining ingredients and beat until creamy and combined.
3
Cover and refrigerate for about an hour.
Ta-da! Then smother it on everything: burgers, fries, celery, crackers, your face, the possibilities are endless!
Bring chicken broth to a boil over medium-high heat; stir
in grits. Cook, stirring occasionally, 5 to 7 minutes or until
thickened. Remove from heat; stir in salt and next 3 ingredients. Set
aside, and keep warm.
Cook bacon in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat 3 minutes or until crisp; remove bacon from pan.
Cook shrimp in same pan over medium-high heat 3 minutes or until
almost pink, stirring occasionally. Add lemon juice and next 4
ingredients, and cook 3 minutes. Stir in bacon.
Spoon grits onto individual plates or into shallow bowls; top with shrimp mixture. Serve immediately.
Trust me, you'll love them both. And if you ever happen to find yourself at Edisto Beach, if you find a shark's tooth while walking the shore at low tide, I hope you'll think of me...because I didn't find one this time around, dammit. I'm usually a pro at that sort of thing.
Happy Easter everyone! And despite whatever anyone else says, it IS all about the bunny...
And the Godiva truffles...thank you,Rottenator!
Meanwhile, the Nooge survived his first overnight alone. Although he did greet us like this at the door...
Obviously, he has very short term memory and forgot who we were for a few minutes. Oh, he was not happy with us being gone, and greeted us with fluffy tail and mohawk. The Rottenator says it's because it was he was prepared to protect the house against strangers. My thoughts are that he was so fucking pissed that he'd been abandoned he was ready to rip our throats out.
Nevertheless,all was forgiven. Never...leave...again...
They both had a hard weekend
I like this pic because it's kinda abstract
This let's you know that you've really arrived; famous decorated Edisto "tree"
This pic does not accurately show how fucking cold it was
2nd place winner in the Scrimp & Grits contest
Awesome pimento cheese burgers
Oak trees, wisteria and spanish moss...telltale signs you're hitting the low country
Improved service and awesome food...preview of my Tripadvisor review...
One way in...one way out..."THE" bridge onto the island
My Mood(ring) Tone of the Day:
Just to add, the main purpose of the trip was to put together
furniture for my mom's beach house. Whilst the Rottenator excelled at
this task...
He
put together two of these bad boys, plus two other chairs
lickety-split, whilst I was not so fortunate. My mother ordered a
microwave cabinet that was supposed to look like this...
And I gave her an end product that looked like this....
Needless to say, JC may have been a carpenter, but Kathleen definitely is not.
Leaving crumbs on the newly cleaned kitchen counters
Tracking in sand across the newly mopped and swept floors
Brushing your teeth and leaving the toothpaste in the shower
Eating my food
Using my shit in general
Picking fights with me for no reason just because you're "bored"
Monitoring my monetary spending habits
Not throwing away empty containers of anything...ever.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
Wake up grumpy
Cigarette and diet cherry pepsi and silence
Shower
Wash dishes, or clean up various rooms of the house if needed
Check Facebook
Check Pinterest
Check email
Watch taped shows on television
Plan dinner
Look at stuff on internet I can't afford to buy
Make dinner
Clean kitchen
Wait for death
(Hopefully I'll soon have more exciting activities to fill my day...fingers crossed)
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
Ankles
Low self esteem
Extra sensitivity to criticism
Extreme non-confrontation
Red velvet anything
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
My intellect
My compassion
My cooking
My fiscal budgeting...though this took YEARS to develop
My ability to make very thorough lists
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
A shark, because every other living thing on the planet would fear me, and I could eat whatever I wanted, and be at the top of the food chain
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
Recovering from near death
Spending New Year's Eve in London
Being in NYC around Christmas time
Successfully stalking many celebrities
Waking up every morning and not completely giving up hope that it will get better
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Any athletic activity of any kind
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
Myself, for my past mistakes...still working on it
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
New York City...that has never changed. I would need lots of $ to live there, but I've always been drawn to that city. I used to think London, but there's an intricate part of Americana in me that I won't give up. I'd travel to London, but not live. New York is just...it has a bit of everything, and speaks to me.
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
I don't know how significant these are, but these are the first memories that came to mind when thinking about this question.
Getting dressed for Sunrise Service one Easter at my grandparents' house at the Beach. It was SO cold & dark, we got dressed in front of their old pot bellied heater
Getting lost in the mall while under the watch of my Godfather...I think it's the only time I ever saw him mad at me
Shooting a BB Gun into the lake with my father
Final 10 coming soon to a blog near you...probably really soon, actually. I'm particularly bored and anxious today...not an ideal combo.
Again, Pinterest, I'm a slave to it. So much so that much like one will check a horoscope to find out how their day will be, I check Pinterest to see if there's something I need to add to my imaginary "to do" list. True fact.
However, I am becoming more of a Pinterest expert, if you will, and along with the recent revelation that some of my followers are not actually interested in me, they are only interested in me clicking on their stupid fake boards to sell me shit, I have come across a few pins that made me pause for a minute and think..."that's not...that's just not right..."
Again, as I noted in my previous Pinterest fail entry, I have decided to critique them on my own blog to protect the innocent or, more like, to avoid possible hostile comments and unfollows.
First up, I give you Puffy Paint Ghost:
Not only is this your hideous end result, the creator warns that this is not a "neat craft". You use glue and shaving cream, and it takes hours to dry. I guess you'll have plenty of time to clean up the mess your children made creating this monstrosity in the time that it takes it to dry. Enough time, I'll wager, that your children will have lost complete interest in this project, and Halloween will be over, and you may as well start on your puffy paint pumpkins for Thanksgiving. Serious fail.
Easter is the time for chocolate goodies, cute little bunnies and chicks ready to be devoured by children and adults for that sugar rush which will provide much needed energy for the Easter egg wars hunts that take place in front yards and in churches all across America. I love chocolate aminals as much as the next person, but seriously people:
Let's leave the Easter treats to the professionals at Hershey's and Brach's shall we? Nothing is more depressing than biting into an alien head or a lazy-eyed bunny on Easter morning. It's just sad, and I can promise you, if your children found either one of the above in their baskets on Easter morning, they would be pissed. And they would curse you. And be scarred for life. Do you really want that on your conscience?
"Hey Kathleen!" you say.
"Yeah what?" I answer (I'm often brusque and suspicious when being addressed).
"Wanna come over for dinner? We're having steaks!"
"Hell yeah, I'm broke and always hungry; be right there!"
"WHAT...THE...FUCK..."
"It's cauliflower steak, silly! It's supposed to be delicious!"
"And you were supposed to be a good friend inviting me over for a god damn real dinner because you have sympathy for my plight, but I guess we've both been betrayed, me by you, and you by whatever idiot told you that you wouldn't get punched in the face by serving me this deceptive crap!"
As if that weren't bad enough...
The creator of this next dish claims it to be the "World's Best Tofu Recipe":
No, sorry, I've had tofu masquerading as meat in many Asian dishes, and I can almost guarantee you that any of them was better than the above bowl of brown, uninspired dog puke. Actually..it wouldn't be dog puke at all because YOUR DOG WOULDN'T EAT IT BECAUSE IT'S NOT REAL MEAT AND TOFU SUCKS!!!!
I don't know why this recipe inspires so much hatred in me; perhaps because I take my food quite (too) seriously, and this whole...plate of crap just personally offends me. Although a sprinkling of parsley wouldn't improve the taste of this dish, it would at least make it feel like less of an eye rape. FAILURE...on every level, Pinterester who dares call yourself a cook.
Yes, I know. I have food issues. I'm working on it.
So, I'm making Chicken Cordon Bleu for the first time for dinner tonight, and after reading the reviews of the original recipe I intended to use which did not portray it in such a favorable light, I'm currently perusing the internet, cobbling together the most interesting & tasty sounding bits from other dishes to make my own unique creation.
Which I shall then be able to pin onto my boards as a Kathleen original and receive gratification from the numerous repins that I'm confident it will incur.
Because the level of my self-esteem directly corresponds to the number of repins I receive. No, seriously.
And although I consider myself a fairly confident amateur cook, I'm still VERY careful about my chicken. The salmonella threat has not escaped my attention, and though I'll play it loose and easy with the doneness of my beef, I don't fuck around when it comes to preparing chicken.
I should put that on my resume if I ever attempt to apply for a job in a restaurant, or with a catering firm. Special qualifications? "I don't fuck around with my chicken".
That should be reassuring to any employer on many different levels.
So, although I know the proper temp & length of time that it takes to safely bake a chicken breast (325° for 45 min is a good estimate) to perfect doneness, I still like to reassure myself because I am very OCD. Not quite bordering on Rainman-like (we've already got one of those in this house), but I am pretty damn thorough when it comes to checking...and rechecking...and checking a third time for doors being locked and appliances and lights being turned off. I like to call it being careful & frugal.
Anyway, so as I was mentioning, perusing the internet for recipes, and double checking my chicken cooking time & temp, and I stumbled upon Yahoo Answers, which is like the Wikipedia for people with dumb ass questions and the stupid responses that they receive. Someone else was also looking for chicken cooking advice, and this was the answer:
The best way to cook chicken in the oven doesn't depend on the oven temp or time.
Purchase a Digital Cooking Thermometer. Insert the probe into the
meatiest of the Breast (Do not touch Bone). Set the thermometer for 155
degrees and bake until the Thermometer signals you. Remove the Breasts
and loosely cover the baking dish with Foil. Let the Breasts rest 10-15
min. The foil will keep it hot and the chicken breasts will continue to
cook until the internal temp reaches 165 degrees. This is the safe temp
to cook chicken. Do not cook in the oven to 165. By the time you eat it,
well, you might as well take off your shoe and eat it.
Using the internal temp method is better and safer. The oven temp,
whether 250 or 375 doesn't matter as long as the internal temp reaches a
high of 165 degrees. This method works with any kind of meat. Temps
vary so check with someplace like Food Network web site for temp tables.
Cooking the Breasts without a thermometer:
Boneless: 325-350 degrees for 15-25 min.
Bone in: 325-350 degrees for 30-45 min.
The reason for the time variation is because all ovens are different. This is why the temp method is best.
Source(s):
Me. Raised by my dad to be a Chef. Then I disappointed him. Still like to cook at home.
You can also check with any good Cooking Web Site and see the same info.
See that highlighted & underlined thing up there as the source? Totally unnecessary, and unrelated to the answer, but this person just felt like sharing, probably never thinking that six years later, some chick would happen upon their post and derive so much pleasure from that one little fragmented sentence. Humor from unexpected places is my favorite kind of humor. And also, it makes me love random strangers, and chips away a little bit of my cynicism about society in general. People can be pretty awesome-sauce.
On that note, Happy Easter everyone! My Easter consisted of a singular mumbled "Happy Easter" from the fiance as he crawled into bed from a 12 hr overnight shift, and my response was the appropriate "Unless you have one of the following in your hands:
don't be reminding me it's Easter, fucker!"
It's not about the Bunny, my ass. It's all about the chocolate. To see an Easter celebrated properly, check out my sister's blog. Isn't it the best Easter ever? She's a pretty awesome mom, and her kids are pretty awesome sauce too. This is one of the two times a year (other is Xmas, natch) that I actually wish I had kids, so I must live vicariously through her fam.
And give her brilliant ideas like the planting of the jellybeans. Though I found the original idea on Pinterest, I was the one who brought it to her attention, so of course, I'm claiming credit.
Okay, so I was perusing the internet recently as I am wont to do on occasion, and came across the following article from Gawker which had me going all John McEnroe "you can NOT be serious!" all over the place. Like, I thought it was a mocked up Onion piece at first but alas, no. This shit was real.
Tiny Til...the world's cutest, and uh, ONLY, apparently, earless bunny was trod upon by a German cameraman on the day of his world debut, thereby crushing his (vertebrae) and Germany's dreams of fame for this fantastically adorable mutant of nature.
A month before Easter. I mean...seriously? So this got me thinking...are Germans just inherently evil? History backs up this theory obviously. Or, is this actually an act of a vengeful God who is so pissed off by the modern day commercialism of such a Holy day that he takes it out on a harmless little auditorily impaired rodent and blames it on the one race that is already known as being kinda sinister and shit. "Don't blame me, blame those Hitler loving Nazi freaks! Peace out."
Personally, I've got my own theory about God being a particularly diabolical prankster with a pension for torturing pathetic 40 year old women who are just trying to rebuild their lives and become normal productive citizens and are trying really fucking hard to do the right god damn thing and he's just giving them false hope and then yanking it away and can't I just catch a break, you evil overlord, what the fuck more do you want from me, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do already...
But I digress. Moral of the story: don't count your chickens before they hatch. Or prematurely plan the fame of your squee-inducing mini earless bunnies before instructing German cameramen on where and where not to walk. Or quit your lousy retail job based on a preliminary offer from a better one before your background check clears. Hey, what was that last part? Um...nothing. Move along now.
