LEEP of Faith? No, Death, Definitely Death

So, results back from the doc...

Not bad enough for the insurance to cover the hysterectomy, but enough to cover a LEEP procedure...which yay! Not cancer.  But boo! I could have to possibly have to get this done AGAIN down the road, and let's be honest, it sucks ass trying to get time off from my job, and really not looking forward to seeing the gyno every six months, so quite frankly, I was hoping to get everything ripped the fuck out.

I'm never having kids, no plans to EVER, so why not? Stupid insurance; Doc Awesomesauce says that it wouldn't cover a hysterectomy at this point; test results were abnormal, but not THAT abnormal (obviously there are levels of abnormal in the medical field) which is too bad;  I was looking forward to 4-6 weeks off from work, with people taking care of me, and pain pills.  No such luck.  Back to work in a day or two, which sucks, because I have no sick time left, and trying to schedule off time from work from what is basically a call center is hard as shit.

But whatever.  I'm going to ask Dr. Awesomesauce to recommend that I'm off at least 6 days for recovery...that way I will get paid.  Yes, I'm  working the system, but I'm also a big fat wimp when it comes to pain, so knowing me, I will be wallowing in bed for that long after this procedure.  Because IT SOUNDS HIDEOUS.

But it's not cancer. So that's a plus.


Pre-surgery: Oct 10, actual surgery Oct 15.  Whining and moaning about it: for weeks and weeks after.

Meanwhile, it's almost Friday, and College Football Saturday is almost upon us, so just one more day until the weekend.  It's weird, I've been feeling strangely sad and alone and missing the Rottenator, which is VERY weird, because he's been here and stuff, but I don't know...maybe it's his preoccupation with Grand Theft Auto 5 or maybe it's just the state of mind I've been in, but I've been feeling VERY alone lately.  Doesn't help that we work different shifts, I guess, but it is truly an odd sort of feeling for me, because I usually love my alone time.  Ah, well. Hormones, I guess.  Zoloft cannot take care of everything.  But I'm feeling okay.

Oh, and seriously, why do I like Nicki Minaj? Someone explain to me why I find her so catchy because she is my:

Mood Ring(Tone) Of the Day:

This also brought me great joy this week; it's just fun, and I adore Stephan Merchant.

Thanks for keeping up with me; I'll now go lurk around and keep up with all of you...

Happy Birthday to me Goddammit

It's about this time:

And of course I didn't hear back about my test results so I will spend the entire weekend exploiting the whole "really? Well, I may have cancer!" angle until it's worn the hell out and everyone who knows me tells me to go fuck myself, which will be entirely understandable.

Hopefully I will find out on Monday or Tuesday; still leaning towards the hysterectomy; everyone I've talked to: "You don't want kids? Get that shit taken out, what are you waiting for?"

In the meantime, looking forward to a good day with the sis and the fam tomorrow; will try to tone down the "C" talk in front of the kiddies, but make no mistake: I'm riding this sucker out.

Incidentally, have any of you ever thought about a will or an obituary or things like that? Kind of morbid, I know, but I'm currently composing a pretty killer (no pun intended) obituary, because I tend to lean towards the morbid anyway, and I would have done this with or without the possible cancer diagnosis.  This just gives me an excuse.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Dysplasia...Leukoplakia....say what?

That's the first thing I thought about when the doctor handed me a pamphlet with the word "Dysplasia" at the top of it...

Yes, my first thoughts were of a much beloved and underrated movie from 1986 called Lucas wherein I was first introduced to the term " Leukoplakia".

Why, I don't know; just one of those things.

Sooo...had my Colpol today and needless to say, the doc was not satisfied with the results.  So after much scraping, and sample taking and pamphlet giving, looks like I may have to have a minor surgery called a "LEEP"  .  We'll find out for sure on Friday...possibly Monday or Tuesday of next week, but in the meantime, I am going to milk this possible cancer thing because it is my birthday weekend, and if there is any way that I can feel more special, I'm going to exploit it.

With things like this:

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/122371314848308086/

 

 

Does that not look like the most delicious thing ever?  I have demanded it of my sister....because I can... because possible cancer.  Don't hate, I'm taking it easy on her, I could have demanded this!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/gale-gand/croquembouche-recipe/index.html

 

 

 

 

But I didn't because she is a mother and does have a life and doesn't have multi-hours to spend on creating a spectacular dessert...besides, if she mastered this before I did, I could never live with myself.

And now off to sleep to prepare for another day at work....even though....screw you work I possibly have cancer!

Anyway, for whatever reason these two Dwight Yoakam songs have been in my head...don't know why...perhaps it's the cancer....

 

Hey Aunt Flo? You Suck!

So, after two and a half months of not having a period, my body decides it's time to have one the DAY before my colposcopy (which I still can't pronounce by the way...colonoscopy...colscopy...copocetic...Coldplay...you know what I mean!) so it's been rescheduled for a month from now because my doctor is on summer vacay for a few weeks.

All is well, though.  I'm still surprisingly okay about it (thank you, Zoloft), as well as my "pass this test or you'll be fired" work assignment.  The first part of the assessment was today and I feel pretty confident about it.  Turns out I finally figured out that this job sets you up for failure, but despite that, I'm still pretty darn good at it.  Not perfect, but still...at least I actually care about doing a good job, and even though I'm not perfect, I do try, and although it is a job that is completely opposite of everything that comes naturally to me, I have adapted to it relatively well.  And I do have a bit more confidence in myself.  Which is a weird feeling for me;  it's odd: I have low self esteem, but I also think I'm brilliant and awesome.  Is there a defined medical condition for that?  Please don't say bipolar because that means I would just have to get on more medication.

Meanwhile, this is my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day, and don't judge me; it just so happens that I was taking a bathroom break at work and no lie, the chick in the next stall was singing this (don't even get me started about people who talk to themselves and/or others while taking care of business, I don't get it)...

Abby Normal

So, finally got my lab results back from the gyno appointment I had last Monday.  Good news: blood work came back fine; thyroid, cholesterol, blood sugar, blah blah blah, all awesomesauce.  However, there seemed to be some concern with my pap smear:

The first words out of the nurse's mouth: "Now, I want you to put all thoughts of cancer out of your head."

Me: "Oh my fucking god, I have cancer."

She assured me that this was more common than one would think; in fact, she's already called three other patients and given them the same news.  Which only means to me: "Great...we are the three out of five that have cervical cancer."

So, I'm due back in on the 16th for a colposcopy (not to be confused with colonoscopy but near about in the same nether regions), and I'm actually okay with this; much better mine frame than one would think because, hey, cancer: it's old news in my family.  Meaning, it runs rampant throughout my relatives both here and in the beyond, so I feel more than prepared to handle any news they give me after the results.  Even though it did concern me a little when I told the nurse I would "see if I could get off from work" on the 16th and she said: "Um...yeah...see what you can do about that."

Hmm...okay...well, done then.

Nothing else to report except that I started watching Homeland and it's SOOO good!  I forgot how much I loved Damian Lewis. The show is brilliant; good summer watching since there's fuck all else on except for Top Chef Masters.

Meanwhile, I'm still planning on going to Dragoncon with my sis and fam, and she has ordered a dress from Lameasaurus on Etsy.

The dress she ordered was this one:

How absolutely adorable is this?  Now to decide...to dress up or not...

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day: