I Don't Get It...

I mean, I get the controversy, okay, whatever, there's always controversy, but the ad in itself:

Maybe because I didn't see the concept from the very beginning, but still and all...I don't get it.

I'm normally not an easily offended person, but I find this ad disturbing....highly disturbing and not at all humorous...but perhaps it's because it's advertising a soft drink that I find offensive in itself.

And speaking of offensive...

The Rottenator and I are quarreling because I desperately need new summer clothes and his laughably $40 budget for a new wardrobe just wasn't going to cut it, so when he saw my $75 Wal-Mart order of, check it, 3 skirts, and 2 shirts, he had issues.

Just wait until he finds out I'm not even done yet.  AND the fact that I'm even buying clothes from Wal-Mart sends me into all sorts of conflicting levels of rage.  I hate this store and everything it stands for on so many levels.  I don't even want to talk about it.

OH, and so my sister and brother-in-law are down at my mother's beach house this weekend, and my brother-in-law (God Bless him) took it upon himself to put together some of the beach furniture that the Rottenator & I couldn't get done in one weekend.

My thoughts: that is freakin' awesome, less work for us, yay!  The Rottenator's thoughts:

"So...even though I didn't want to do it, I would have done it, but now it's been done, and so now I look like I'm not handy,and I never claimed to be handy around the house so I use that as an excuse to not pick up pine-cones in the yard or properly replace glass panels in our kitchen windows that our stupid cat knocked out on his quest to escape this torture chamber and attack every living creature that existed on this planet."

I have my own low self-esteem to deal with without coddling the ego of an almost 30 year old man.  My immediate reaction: "Stop being so defensive and suck it the fuck up and start performing manly duties around the house so you don't look like such a pussy when your 'woman' is actually the handy-man in the relationship."

You should be fucking embarrassed.  Man the Fuck Up.  And don't give me your arguments about sexism, or anything like that.  If I'm the one who is cleaning and cooking and making the house look pretty, your ass better be the one changing lightbulbs and checking the air pressure on car tires.

I'm just saying...

The Alabama duct tape is not a "nailed it" situation, let's go ahead and get this taken care of, mmmkay?  Because I'm two seconds away from calling a professional handyman to take care of all of the little chores around this house, male ego be damned!

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

My Magical Crockpot of Deliciousness: Beef Stew

The Rottenator does love his stew.  And I welcomed the opportunity to cook something other than Hamburger Helper or Beans and Rice so today's meal of Beef Stew was a happy change of pace.

Behold...

My apologies to Riot Kitty; this one ain't for you ;-)


What you'll need:

2 lbs of stew meat
1 lb red potatoes, cubed, skins on
2 celery hearts, roughly chopped
1 large sweet onion, roughly chopped
1 pt cherry tomatoes, sliced
1 pkg baby carrots, pre-washed and peeled
1 envelope Lipton's Onion Soup mix
1 can cream of mushroom and roasted garlic soup
2 T. flour
2 T. olive oil
1/4 c. Worcestershire sauce
1/4 c. Dale's steak sauce
Seasonings to taste (I'm not giving measurements, because we are a family that loves salt, but really between the soup mix, sauces, and soup you really don't need anymore...but you can't be Southern and not add some Lawry's...)
salt
pepper
garlic powder
non-stick cooking spray (like Pam)

Heat 2 T. olive oil in a pan; sprinkle flour, Lawry's seasoned salt, pepper, and garlic powder over stew meat and toss to coat.

Lightly brown stew meat in pan for seriously, 2-3 min, just enough to seal in those delicious juices.

Spray crockpot with non-stick cooking spray, and throw that stew beef in there.

Chop veggies and throw them all in a big tupperware bowl, lightly salt and pepper and stir to mix them all up.  Or pop a top on that bowl and turn it upside down and shake until they're all mixed up and pretty.

In another bowl, pour in worchestershire sauce and Dale's; add soup mix and whisk together.  Next, add can of soup, whisk some more until it's smooth.

Throw half of the veggies into the crockpot on top of the stew meat.  Add half of your soupy mixture.

Throw the remaining half of veggies into the crockpot, and the rest of the soup sludge.

Top on top of crockpot, cook 6-8 hours, depending on your crockpot.  This is my first time trying out my sister's hand-me-down crockpot and she says it's a fast-cooking one, so I'm going for six. It actually took about 8 hours for the potatoes and carrots to get completely done...

Now, a lot of people love crockpots because you can just leave it.  I like to check on it every two hours and give it another stir, but that's me.  And that's why this meal is best made on a weekend.

Back to work tomorrow, blech!  But it's a paycheck that brings me that much closer to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter so I will endure...

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day...and this one is dedicated to Riot Kitty because she recently reminded me of one of my favorite movies, and what it is like to grow old gracefully and fabulously.

An Ode To Two Assholes

And for once I am not talking about the Rottenator.

1. My tulip tree.

But, let me clarify, and I just found this out!  What we call "tulip trees" in the south are actually these:

Saucier Magnolias.  It makes sense, southern, magnolia, etc.  But this paragraph in particular struck me:


Saucer Magnolias flower here in early March, and flowers appear before the leaves. I call these trees "frost trees" as they always seem to flower and bring on a killing freeze. This habit is their primary disadvantage, as the flowers are blitzed by freezes in one out of every four to five years.  

Yes they god damn do.  The day after this stupid fucking tree bloomed, we were hit by 20 degree weather and the damn blossoms turned brown and fell off.  I didn't even have the heart to take a picture of it, I was so depressed.

This is what it is supposed to look like in full bloom.

But mine never does.  It is the bane of my existence, because I fucking love this tree, it is my favorite type of tree of all times, and it never fails to disappoint.

Maybe because it is delicate and fragile...like me.

Anyway, one hard freeze later, and the damn thing is dead.  I'm super pissed.  That's why this tree is an asshole.

Asshole # 2:

This is only a minor example of the damage the Nooge has inflicted on Bella Cucina in the two days that the Rottenator has started training on his new schedule at his new job.  Which means that he is not here during the day and there is a slight disruption in the Nooge's routine and he has not reacted favorably.

This picture does not include opened cabinets, bottles of spices overturned, cans of diet coke spilled.

Really, cat?  Two days of being left alone and this is how you react?  Aren't you supposed to sleep during the day anyway?

Well, the Rottenator returns to an overnight shift Sunday night so maybe the Nooge will stop acting out and destroying my house which I am too tired to clean at the moment.

He is currently in quarantine because he has overturned our lamp and busted a light bulb for the umpteenth time and has attacked me every time I dared to move.

I think my friend Birdie had the right idea when she suggested crating.  It can't just work for dogs, can it?

And speaking of, the Rottenator desperately wants one. I am more hesitant.  Mostly, because I am not a dog person.  And they smell.  And I cannot even fathom the amount of damage that will be inflicted upon my house should we disrupt the Nooge's routine even more by introducing a sibling.

He is definitely the ruler of all he surveys and don't you forget it.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

God, I will never not love Britpop.  It will always speak to my soul.

 

My Bloody Valentine

My philosophy on Valentine's Day (and feel free to disagree if you dare)...

1. It is a manufactured holiday created by Hallmark.
2. It is for women only.
3. It is a peer pressure competition.
4. It should mean nothing but it does.
5. It is the one day of the year where men actually have to take two seconds to think about the women in their lives and appreciate them.
6. If you claim that you don't want anything for Valentine's Day then you are a female who has obviously had amazing Valentine's Days in your past and that is the only reason why you feel free to not celebrate it this year. Or, you are a big fat liar.

Suffice to say, I did not receive anything for Valentine's Day this year.  And because I have always been the loser fat girl loner who never had an amazing Valentine's Day, I was pissed.

Because this time should be my time, I have a fiance, we just got a bulk of our lost money back, and therefore, I was primed and ready for a semi-decent celebration of my awesomeness.
 

Alas.  There were no gifts for Kathleen this year; there were no roses or chocolates, or, quite frankly, any celebration whatsoever of my awesomeness. Because the Rottenator was "tired" and he "meant to, but not today, maybe this weekend, it was on his list of things to do..."

Whatever.  Meanwhile I was dealing with a day full of balloons, flowers, chocolates, and edible arrangements confronting me around every corner by every female that ever existed in my office building.

And the endless postings on Facebook by luckier women than I who had the nerve to post pictures of the fantabulous gifts bestowed upon them by their grateful partners.

I believe my breaking point was when I read the post on Facebook by that really annoying girl that I've known since highschool.  You know the one who is still the most useless creature that every existed on this planet whose claim to fame is the fact that she used to eat her own hair?

Yeah, so even she received a beautiful bouquet of roses from her clueless husband. And all that would have made me happy would have been a plastic gas-station purchased rose.  And perhaps a Reese's Cup.  King-sized.

So, okay.  After much suffering, heartfelt apologies and grovelling in general, the Rottenator was forgiven.  And I have been promised that this error in judgement will never happen again.  And that every holiday from Easter until the day I die will be splendiferous.

So, come March 31st, I'd better have a Hello Kitty Easter basket bigger than my head.  And positively overflowing with live bunnies and chicks.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Chicken Soup is Good For the Soul

So, I would post a picture of this latest and greatest recipe, but my cell phone never does my food justice, so I won't.  Let us just say I made a chicken soup in the crockpot tonight that was awesome.  And, better yet, delish!

To start: everything is chopped up into bite-sized pieces, and this meal is very economical if your grocery store is having a sale on chicken breasts, and you feel up to deboning and skinning the breasts yourself...which I was:

4 lb. chicken breasts
1 can Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup with Garlic
1 can Campbell's Cream of Chicken with Herbs
6 Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled, chopped
6 carrots, peeled, chopped
6 celery ribs, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
1/2 c. chicken broth

Lawry's seasoning salt, pepper, garlic powder, Italian seasoning mix, season to taste.

Throw everything into a crockpot and 6 hours later...ta dah!  Yummy chicken soup.  I served it with some of those Pillsbury frozen biscuits and it was a perfect effortless meal for a cold day.

Chicken soup: it's good for what ails you.

I've been using my crockpot more than usual because my oven is on the fritz..  I'm totally pissed about it because it's an older oven, and it seems the temperature is slightly off but I can't figure out if it's running too high or too low.  My biscuits get burned, and my casseroles aren't cooked through so bottom line: I look like I don't know how to cook, which is a complete outrage. We're currently renting our house, so technically, it is our landlord's responsibility for having something like this fixed, but short of it breaking, or me taking a sledgehammer to it,  I don't see the situation being remedied anytime soon, so I'll make do, I suppose.

You see, I am a really good cook.  I mean, it's one of the few things I excel at, and enjoy.  I find it relaxing and rewarding to lose myself in a recipe and forget about all life's other annoyances while I focus on combining ingredients in such a way that the end result is something that will bring enjoyment and pleasure to others.

I think I was an Italian grandmother in a former life.

It's one of the few things in my life that shouldn't feel like such a challenge.  Work is challenging enough.

Haven I mentioned that I cannot wait until Feb. 1 which is the end of tax filing season?

Bottom line: what does this have to do with me going to Orlando to see The Wizarding World of Harry Potter?  Not a damn thing.

I'm currently watching season 2 of American Horror Story (I highly recommend!) so:

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

What Can I Say, Bitch Can Cook...And Clean

So, my traditional Southern New Year's Spread turned out to be a smashing success, if I do say so myself.

Ham, Hoppin' John (with black eyed peas and sausage), cornbread and collard greens.  Assured to bring good luck and wealth in the New Year.

It'd damn well better because I cooked and cleaned my ass off today.

I am the superstitious sort and so I succumb to the ritualistic portions of the holidays, in this case, being you should ingest some sort of greens and corn to ensure wealth (dollars and cents), the black eyed peas for luck, and the pork...well, everything tastes better with a little pork, doesn't it?  Though surprisingly, chicken isn't part of this holiday tradition.  I guess it's because fried chicken is part of every Sunday southern supper, so you switch it up with pork on special occasions to get all fancy.

No champagne toast, those are a thing of my past, but a day's worth of cleaning because this signifies a clean sweep of the year before and starting off the next one brand new, as it were.

And I vacuumed and swept and laundered my heart out today, which is why I am exhausted and it's only 6:30pm.

But I feel better looking at a clean house; in the past I never really understood the phrase "cluttered surroundings, cluttered mind" but it makes sense.  There's less stress when everything is neat and tidy.

So I enjoyed my mopped and swept floors for a few hours until the Rottenator and the Nooge awoke and then, inevitably, chaos and mess ensued.

The Rottenator spent the day watching football and playing video games.  I hope he's enjoying the last day of his vacation because I sure as hell am ready for him to go back to work.  It's frustrating when his version of a vacation is exactly that: not doing a damn thing.  Literally.  On my few and far between days off there seems like there's always something to do: cleaning, grocery shopping, there's always something.  Must be nice to have someone else worry about those things so you are free to sit on your lazy ass all day playing with yourself and your controller.

A part of me is glad the holidays are over, a part of me is not.  Because now it's back to the same old mundane routine of work, cook, clean, sleep, and so forth.  Nothing really exciting to look forward to unless you count Harry Potter and Universal but September seems so far, far away.

But until then, there's only one thing left to do I guess.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Episodes

So, I'm watching the Emmy's and realized that I no longer watch enough television to relate to the Emmy's or even really enjoy them anymore.  I blame television programming more than I blame myself.


Even though I did take the advice of a friend and finally caught up on this show called "Episodes" on Showtime starring Matt LeBlanc from, ironically enough, Friends.  Of course, it's on Showtime, so I guess all television is not bad...just network television.


Here's a clip from the episode I related to the most because it dealt with LeBlanc's growing old and getting fat.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip of the very end, where he's watching old footage of himself while eating an entire cheesecake, but this was funny too.

This was my birthday weekend, and overall, it was a success. My sister did a particularly excellent job of celebrating the wonder that is me by providing a Pinterest worthy spread of Japanese food, including crab rangoon dip, pb & j sushi rolls, beef skewers with yum-yum sauce and a Hello Kitty cake!

As my brother-in-law said, "just what every adult needs".  Indeed.  I even shared my rings with my nieces...some of them.

Oh, and when I arrived back at Bella Cucina, I found two big boxes awaiting me and they contained these wondrous delights:

Purple retro diner barstools!  They are totally awesome sauce, and expertly put together...by me...alone.  Which is why they are put together correctly...unlike our new entertainment center...which is put together assbackwards...with unpainted particle boards staring out at me like ugly scars that haunt my nightmares.  Yes, I'm looking at you, Rottenator.  With your non-direction reading, no-patience having ass.

These chairs, however, are perfect and beautiful and I've made myself nauseous and almost barfed numerous times by spinning around in them and sitting up really high so I can pretend I'm tall.  They're also Nooge-approved.

More angles from which to attack.

I also got two lovely cards; one from my niece, the Artist-Futurally-Known-As-Victoria:

And even the Rottenator showed he had a heart:

Though this doesn't make up for the fact that he also ate the leftovers of my birthday dinner behind my back and polished off the White Chocolate Reeses but left the empty bag in the candy drawer.  WTF, doesn't he know me and my food issues by now?!!! Whatever.

I also bought myself some birthday goodies.

Finish date TBD

Shark Footie Pajamas!

Cute, right?

These are not, unfortunately, Nooge-approved.

Protective gear

And I'm finally joining the Smart-world; only 1 gig too late, but I'm still excited...

I'm purple, biatch!

So perhaps I'll soon be able to post pics with better quality than these:

Let me help you with that typo.

All in all, a successful birthday, so there's no reason to feel depressed and anxious...none at all...

My Mood Ring(tone) of the day:

Sealed With a K.I.S.S.

So...more about my life with a 10 year old's tastebuds.

God knows I love the Rottenator. But God also knows that I love cooking.  Hence the dilemma.

I adore cooking.  I spend hours planning meals, grocery lists, scouring the internet and Pinterest for the best recipes that I lovingly prepare with my own little hands in Bella Cucina for our little family of two (soon to be three, but more on that later).

So imagine my dismay when I proudly present my latest masterpiece and it is met with a tepid response.  Or, even worse, a visible shudder.

My delicate little heart is broken.  Especially because the meals I research are not for me, oh, no, they are intended to delight a certain individual who, despite outward appearances, is a picky eater.

Oh, yes. The Rottenator does not have what I would call a refined palate, but he has a definite list of likes and dislikes.

Likes: chicken, cheese, bbq sauce, bread, with an occasional ground beef or pork chop thrown into the mix, and all-you-can-eat generic buffets.
Dislikes: everything that makes life worth living sour cream, cream cheese, Ranch dressing, mayo, soy sauce, anything healthy.

Therefore, my options are limited, and my creativity is stifled.  And I feel frustrated and stabby instead of appreciated and cherished.

Fine.  I'm making a decision and taking a stand.  If I do continue to feel like cooking after my full-time employment begins, I will implement the following plan: K.I.S.S.  Keep It Simple (for) Stupid.

Yes, I am a little bitter.  That tends to happen when you steal someone's joy.

How I'm feeling today (yes, three videos, one for every letter in PMS):

I'll Settle for those Beans

So, lately I've been scouring the internet on my ongoing quest to create delicious, cheap, not necessarily nutritious dinners that are a winner with all the members of this household (the boy doesn't eat sour cream, ranch dressing or mayo and calls himself Southern, wtf), and I've come across another one that is indeed, a hit.  And like all of "our" current success stories, luckily it is easy enough while still satisfying my joy of cooking and spending time in my favorite room in the house, Bella Cucina.

Behold:  Old Settlers' Baked Beans.

Click here to observe the original recipe for this meal which I've heavily borrowed from but slightly modified in order to suit our tastebuds.

Side note: I don't know why I've never thought of this before, but just because a recipe has a 5 star rating doesn't mean it's an overwhelming hit.  Reading the reviews is actually quite helpful, though I must say, this one sounded pretty darn good on its own.  The main differences that I made after following the review suggestions are cutting the sugar quantity slightly, frying the bacon separately, and using 1 lb. versus 1/2 lb. of ground beef.

So here it is; serves 4.

Ingredients:

1 lb. ground beef
4 strips bacon
1 med. onion, chopped
1/4 c. sugar
1/4 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. ketchup
1/4 c. bbq sauce (store bought; I used a hickory smoked flavor)
1 T. yellow mustard
1 tsp lemon-pepper seasoning
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp seasoning salt
2 T. chili sauce
1 16 oz can pork and beans, undrained
1 16 oz can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 16 oz can Great Northern beans, rinsed and drained


Preheat oven to 350°.  In a large skillet, fry bacon strips until crisp; set aside on paper towel to drain.

In same skillet, brown together ground beef, onion, Worcestershire sauce & seasoning salt until beef is done through, and onions are soft and translucent. Drain all fat.

In a bowl, mix together both sugars, ketchup, bbq sauce, mustard, lemon-pepper seasoning, garlic powder, & chili sauce.  Add beef mixture and stir thoroughly.

Crumble bacon into bits and add to beef/sauce mixture.  Add all beans, and fold together gently, taking care not to mush the beans.

Grease a two quart casserole dish.  Add beef/bean mixture to dish and cover with tinfoil.  Bake for 1 hr.

I served mine with cornbread muffins (what up, Jiffy!) and it was a success!  I think the key was cutting the sugar, and using a smokey bbq sauce and bacon to add another taste dimension.

Enjoy!

I Got the Chicken Cordon Bleus

So, I mentioned yesterday that I was looking for a chicken cordon bleu recipe to replace the original one I was going to make after reading the reviews on it, and I think I came up with a winner.

It's not the prettiest casserole ever, but it did turn out pretty dang tasty if I do say so myself.  Before I get to the recipe, since this was my first time making it, these are the modifications I will make when preparing it again.

• use a cream of chicken (or any cream of something) soup with seasonings added (to give it a little extra flavor)
• remove the tinfoil cover and let the casserole cook for about 10 min more so the stuffing topping turns out crispier (I thought it was fine, but the fiance found it too "soggy"...whatever)
• reserve more of the stuffing mix for topping so that it covers the entire top of casserole, and make the layer of stuffing on the bottom thinner.

Other than that, here is the recipe as is, and again, it was quite yummy.

Easy Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole (serves 4)

4 boneless/skinless chicken breasts
1 10.5oz can cream of chicken soup
1 cup milk
8 oz pkg sliced deli ham
8 oz pkg sliced swiss cheese
8 oz pkg herbed dressing/stuffing (I used Pepperidge farm)
chicken broth (apprx 1/2 cup)
butter
seasoning salt (I'm southern, so I used Lawry's, natch)
pepper
onion powder
garlic powder

Preheat oven to 325°. 

Season chicken breasts liberally with SPOG (salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder)

Liberally grease a 9x11 casserole dish with butter.  Pour stuffing package into a bowl and add enough chicken broth to lightly moisten (I just eyeballed this and added it gradually until the stuffing was just mixed; I'd estimate maybe 1/2 cup, you might want to use less depending on how soft/crispy you like yours).

Spread a thin layer of stuffing into the bottom of casserole dish;  place seasoned chicken breasts on top.  Reserve remaining stuffing mix for topping.

On top of chicken breasts, layer ham followed by a layer of swiss cheese.

In a separate bowl, mix together cream of chicken soup with one cup milk.  Pour over chicken breasts, covering completely.

Use remaining stuffing mix to spread over entire top of casserole.

Liberally butter one side of aluminum foil.  Place on top of casserole, butter side down.

Bake for 45 min.  At this point, remove foil and continue to bake 5-10 min to ensure crispy stuffing topping.

I served mine with mashed potatoes on the side as the sauce from the dish, and it would probably be wonderful with roasted asparagus as well.

Enjoy!

I like glass cups and I cannot lie

So, out of the blue (get it? see image above), I realized that I no longer like drinking out of plastic cups.  I hate it, in fact.  This thought struck me today as I was unpacking the last of our kitchen (which is now amazingly clean & tidy, tyvm), and found this one...lone...blue...plastic monstrosity.

It's the only plastic cup in the house.  Which is amazing, because not even a year ago, I was the girl who would refuse to let go of any fast-food supplied beverage holder, no matter how old, warped, or faded it was.  I would hold onto a Big Gulp until it was cracked and permanently lipstick stained no matter what ("it's still good!")

Maybe it happened on my 40th birthday, I went and got all growed up, high falutin' and elitist.  But I honestly cannot stand plastic kitchenware of any kind.

What's next?  No more buying Diet Cherry Pepsi in plastic two liters?  Ha!  That's just crazy talk...even though I have been thinking about switching to cans.  If I could find it readily supplied in bottles...ah, but those are pipe dreams.  Until then, I'll be perfectly fine with pouring it into my lovely glassware, and sipping it delicately...while fanning myself and discussing poetry and art condescendingly.  Because I'm all fancy and shit.

New/Old House = New Retro Kitchen

So, this is the first time I'm moving into a house with a strapping young man, so you know what that means: home improvement projects with a free & always available, albeit unwilling, workhorse that I shall exploit for my own personal gain.

Of course my ultimate dream house would look something like this:

with interior furnishings along these lines:

(notice a pattern?  Yep, you got it, green is my favorite color!)

However, the reality is that I have a 1950s house, so it looks more like this:

with a kitchen that looks more like this:

**Actual pic of me in said kitchen; like my dress?

Not that I'm complaining, far from it, I love my little house, and j'adore my big ass kitchen.  But I would love, love, LOVE to update it while keeping the retro feel, so that is going to be my new project.  Much like my lifestyle diet change, the remodel is still in the planning phase, and consists of me gathering together pictures of kitchens to draw inspiration from.  Like this one:

Or this one:

Considering that this is the current state of my "dream" kitchen:

I have a lot of work to do.  Hey, I just moved in, don't judge.  But definitely feel free to give ideas and suggestions...or free labor or supplies.  Or just plain old hard cash, whatever, I'm easy.

**UPDATED:  Ikea, you read my mind, how awesome is this? Design your own kitchen, why thank you, I will!