A riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma...

So no pie pictures because I could not find one that was pretty enough, but the Mominator declared it a success so I will share this recipe with you:  btw, it's way easy if you follow this recipe and use a prepared pie crust...and Reddi-whip.  I guess you could use Cool Whip, but what's the fun in that? It doesn't even come in a can that you can squirt directly into your mouth.  Much like Cheese Whiz...which I am also not embarrassed to admit that I find delicious...straight out of the can.

So, in other news, we're getting a new TV:

50"; the Rottenator is happy, he has been wanting one forever.  I am happy because now I will be able to record and watch all of my television programs at will while SOMEONE is distracted by their Xbox games.

I will never have to miss an episode of Top Chef again.  This is awesome.

And I'm also exploring the Wellbutrin thing; just something to take the edge off.  And I don't mean to sound arrogant or anything like that, but let's just say that I find it very interesting that most of the most brilliant and intelligent people I know are all on something "to take the edge off".

I think we think too much.

Why can't we all be like Homer Simpson?

Anyway, nothing else to report on this front other than I have one more day of sitting on my ass that I'm going to take complete advantage of.  Guilt free, no less, because the house is clean clean clean!

AND no work tomorrow means I have extra time to share more than one Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Yeah...I'm kinda all over the place tonight.

Ass Cat!

If the couch has a permanent indentation of your ass, you may have a weight problem.

Though who am I to judge; the same could be said for the recliner that I am currently residing in.

Incidentally, I need to post that little turd's picture on http://shameyourpet.com/ because in the brief hour that the Rottenator and I were out today, he managed to somehow swipe down one of the Moroccan lamps I have on the mantle, and now it sits there all wonky and fractured. but I can't bear to throw it away because I love symmetry.

 And now looking at that photo, I realize that I need another framed picture on the right side of my mantle because the symmetry is totally off...and the photo is crooked.  God!

Meanwhile, have you been following the Masters coverage?  No?  Me either, which is a shame because it is happening 15 minutes away but I can't bring myself to care because let's face it, golf is not high on my list of fascinating things to watch.

That being said, the Rottenator bought a Tiger Woods XBox Golf Game today.  You know what's more boring than golf?  Watching someone play a golf video game...badly.

Is it college football season yet?

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Hilarious Ironical...

This is my Aunt (pronounced "Ant") Bettie:

She consistently cracks me the fuck up.

Mostly because she is a born again Christian, and she consistently "likes" most of the inappropriate posts I ever post on Facebook ever.  She even comments on them.

Cases in point:

This is just a small sampling; now here is a sampling of Aunt B's daily posts:

It just kills me that she can be so religious, yet so accepting of her family, no matter what.  I think it must come with age, and quite frankly, facing your own mortality.  See, Aunt Bettie has the "C", the "cancer", and she's currently going through chemo, and, I'm sure, looking at her past and thinking: "Life's too short, man."

I flirt with that philosophy myself.  I had my own near-death experience about two years ago (even though I didn't realize it at the time), and find that I am more accepting of other people, much less judgemental than I used to be (although I still have my moments, believe me).  You just appreciate people who you find are loyal and loving, and you start to see more of the good in them more than their flaws.  Even though you may not have the same beliefs, agree with their life decisions, share their interests, you still love them.  Because they love you.

And if they recognize your greatness, they can't be all bad, can they?

And check out this accent; this is the true south, I love it!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4954237786329&set=vb.1610464180&type=2&theater

Which brings me to my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day (because the Rottenator has been extra sweet since my recent mental meltdown about work)...and believe it or not, he is one of the most accepting and least judgemental people I have ever met...if he loves you, that is...

I dearly hope we make it to a game this year...

Lazy...so lazy...

So, I have stuffis to do but I am not feeling up to it.

I have to get my nails did, these claws are out of control; I have to clean my bathroom, I have to make dinner, but fuck it...I don't feel like it.

Sad, old ass hand

What I feel like doing is watching old (old meaning 80s and 90s) movies on Netflix and sitting here like a blob.  So I shall.

Even God rested on the 7th day, right?

The Rottenator and the Nooge are both asleep, so I am going to sit on my ass and enjoy the relative peace and quiet...until work tomorrow.  *sigh*

I just want to say that although I an grateful for the opportunity and the paycheck, I am just about over this job.

I was not meant for payroll and they have just restructured my department so now instead of just reporting to one manager, I have to answer to five.  Seriously, five.  No more hiding under the radar for me.  It's fine, I'm going to put in my time and maybe move onto something more rewarding.

First world problems, right? I know. I get it.  But still, I can't help wondering if I was meant for something better in this world.

I need to find my purpose.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Chicken Soup is Good For the Soul

So, I would post a picture of this latest and greatest recipe, but my cell phone never does my food justice, so I won't.  Let us just say I made a chicken soup in the crockpot tonight that was awesome.  And, better yet, delish!

To start: everything is chopped up into bite-sized pieces, and this meal is very economical if your grocery store is having a sale on chicken breasts, and you feel up to deboning and skinning the breasts yourself...which I was:

4 lb. chicken breasts
1 can Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup with Garlic
1 can Campbell's Cream of Chicken with Herbs
6 Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled, chopped
6 carrots, peeled, chopped
6 celery ribs, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
1/2 c. chicken broth

Lawry's seasoning salt, pepper, garlic powder, Italian seasoning mix, season to taste.

Throw everything into a crockpot and 6 hours later...ta dah!  Yummy chicken soup.  I served it with some of those Pillsbury frozen biscuits and it was a perfect effortless meal for a cold day.

Chicken soup: it's good for what ails you.

I've been using my crockpot more than usual because my oven is on the fritz..  I'm totally pissed about it because it's an older oven, and it seems the temperature is slightly off but I can't figure out if it's running too high or too low.  My biscuits get burned, and my casseroles aren't cooked through so bottom line: I look like I don't know how to cook, which is a complete outrage. We're currently renting our house, so technically, it is our landlord's responsibility for having something like this fixed, but short of it breaking, or me taking a sledgehammer to it,  I don't see the situation being remedied anytime soon, so I'll make do, I suppose.

You see, I am a really good cook.  I mean, it's one of the few things I excel at, and enjoy.  I find it relaxing and rewarding to lose myself in a recipe and forget about all life's other annoyances while I focus on combining ingredients in such a way that the end result is something that will bring enjoyment and pleasure to others.

I think I was an Italian grandmother in a former life.

It's one of the few things in my life that shouldn't feel like such a challenge.  Work is challenging enough.

Haven I mentioned that I cannot wait until Feb. 1 which is the end of tax filing season?

Bottom line: what does this have to do with me going to Orlando to see The Wizarding World of Harry Potter?  Not a damn thing.

I'm currently watching season 2 of American Horror Story (I highly recommend!) so:

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

What Can I Say, Bitch Can Cook...And Clean

So, my traditional Southern New Year's Spread turned out to be a smashing success, if I do say so myself.

Ham, Hoppin' John (with black eyed peas and sausage), cornbread and collard greens.  Assured to bring good luck and wealth in the New Year.

It'd damn well better because I cooked and cleaned my ass off today.

I am the superstitious sort and so I succumb to the ritualistic portions of the holidays, in this case, being you should ingest some sort of greens and corn to ensure wealth (dollars and cents), the black eyed peas for luck, and the pork...well, everything tastes better with a little pork, doesn't it?  Though surprisingly, chicken isn't part of this holiday tradition.  I guess it's because fried chicken is part of every Sunday southern supper, so you switch it up with pork on special occasions to get all fancy.

No champagne toast, those are a thing of my past, but a day's worth of cleaning because this signifies a clean sweep of the year before and starting off the next one brand new, as it were.

And I vacuumed and swept and laundered my heart out today, which is why I am exhausted and it's only 6:30pm.

But I feel better looking at a clean house; in the past I never really understood the phrase "cluttered surroundings, cluttered mind" but it makes sense.  There's less stress when everything is neat and tidy.

So I enjoyed my mopped and swept floors for a few hours until the Rottenator and the Nooge awoke and then, inevitably, chaos and mess ensued.

The Rottenator spent the day watching football and playing video games.  I hope he's enjoying the last day of his vacation because I sure as hell am ready for him to go back to work.  It's frustrating when his version of a vacation is exactly that: not doing a damn thing.  Literally.  On my few and far between days off there seems like there's always something to do: cleaning, grocery shopping, there's always something.  Must be nice to have someone else worry about those things so you are free to sit on your lazy ass all day playing with yourself and your controller.

A part of me is glad the holidays are over, a part of me is not.  Because now it's back to the same old mundane routine of work, cook, clean, sleep, and so forth.  Nothing really exciting to look forward to unless you count Harry Potter and Universal but September seems so far, far away.

But until then, there's only one thing left to do I guess.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

So here's the thing...

Two more days of work this week and then I'm off for a lovely Thanksgiving holiday.  I'm really looking forward to it this year, possibly more so than Christmas even.  This probably has something to do with the fact that since my change of career, I won't get much time off for Christmas this year.  And by much, I mean barely any other than Christmas day.

However, I was lucky enough to score the Friday after Turkey Day off so not only am I looking forward to an extended weekend off, this year marks the first time that this guy...

will meet these people...

Needless to say, I am uber excited.  The Rottenator is less enthused.  I believe his comment was, and I quote, "I'd rather poke my eyes out with a dull butterknife."

He is not a social person.  Sociopath, maybe.  Sociable, no.  But it's high time he meet the fam.  I mean, it's pretty obvious he's not going anywhere any time soon and I am very close to my family, so he just needs to suck it up.

Besides, he's gonna be watching a day of college football with a fellow SEC enthusiast who has testicles, so that's gotta be fun, right?  Even though their two teams may just be playing each other for the championship game, but thank God, that's not until December, so that definitely lessens the possibility of smack talk that gets deadly serious.   And luckily we don't own guns. And the alcohol supply will be limited.

And there will be food.  Oh, yes, there will be.

Turkey
Ham
Mac and cheese
Mashed potatoes
Green bean casserole
Stuffing (or dressing, as the rednecks like to call it)
Cranberry Sauce
Cheesecake
Artichoke Dip
Little smokies in bbq sauce

And though the turkey may not be stuffed, I sure as hell will be.

I just hope it doesn't turn out like this.

But if it turned out like this, that would be pretty awesome.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day...

PS: the only version I could find of this was in Italian but if you've seen this movie as many times as I have, you'll know the English by heart.

30 Days of Thanks...in one post or less

Tis the season...

1. My family
2. My job
3. Money
4. Normalcy
5. The Internet
6. Cable
7. Top Chef
8. Brit Pop
9. Razors
10. Makeup
11. Hair Color
12. Bras
13. Insight
14. My Brain...most days
15. The Rottenator...some days
16. E-cigs
17. Buffy
18. New York City & London
19. Cell phones
20. Diet Cherry Pepsi
21. Electricity
22. Freedom of religion, or the freedom not to have any religion at all
23. My country
24. Cars, and the ability to drive them
25. Forgiveness
26. Christmas
27. Snow
28. The ability to appreciate beauty in almost anything
29. Inner peace
30. Spell Check

I'm Not Sayin', I'm Just Sayin'

Don't get me wrong, I do love the Rottenator, but at times...a lot of times, actually, that mofo gets on my fucking nerves more than any other creature in existence on the planet.

Other than the Nooge.

This may or may not occur predictably at a certain time on a monthly basis (how dare you even insinuate this may be hormonal), but I'm just saying there are times when I can put up with his shit, there are other times when I want to suffocate him in his sleep.

And not just to stop his snoring.

So today, I'm making a list of Things that the Rottenator May Do or Say that Continually Threaten His Existence on this Planet.

In no particular order.

1. Sneezes loudly, and randomly, without covering his mouth or nose and thereby simultaneously frightening me, pissing me off, and disgusting me when I unexpectedly encounter the remnants of his nasal explosions on bed covers, blankets, bathroom mirrors, and car windows.
2. Rarely or barely tips.  Hair stylists, waiters, waitresses, taxi drivers, delivery people, charity workers, no one is immune to his cheapness.
3. Commandeers the television and watches nothing but ESPN, old football games on YouTube, prison reality shows, or  Xbox.
4. Refuses to accept the fact that WE NEED TWO WORKING VEHICLES to transport ourselves to and from OUR JOBS.
5. Will blow $40 on one meal, yet has a conniption fit when $100 is spent at the grocery store on 7 days (i.e., 21 separate meals) worth of food.
6. Instigates fights because he's bored.
7. Expects a parade when he (gasp, shock) washes a single glass, or reassembles bedsheets after he has qwopped them up.
8. Grows irritable and tired of a project after 5 minutes and slaps together an entertainment center backwards without taking the time to read the directions then yells when it isn't praised as the most beautiful thing in the world.
9. Can't bring himself to spend $400 on a new tv, then manages to make it my fault that we don't have one.
10. Manages to be more sensitive than any 16 year old girl I've ever met then accuses others of being the "overly sensitive one".
11. Refuses to do even the most menial traditionally "male" jobs around the house, forcing me to be the one to take the trashcan to the curb, change the lightbulbs, or pick up pinecones from the yard.
12. Uses the excuse "I'm just not good at that kind of stuff" when being "forced" to buy me a birthday present while not exactly appreciating the thought and care it took into buying him a commemorative 1982 Bear Bryant coca-cola bottle or an authentic Trent Richardson Nike Alabama collegiate jersey.
13. Considers buying necessities for the house such as toilet paper, cleaning products, or cat food, me spending money on myself.
14. Acting like the world, including myself, "owes" him something, when he hasn't done a damn thing to earn any of it.

And the list could go on...and on...but I'm tired tonight, because I worked all day.  Yes, I work a full time job, 5 days a week, yet still manage to cook, and clean and run errands instead of laying around on my ass all day bitching and moaning about how hard my job is and I shouldn't have to do anything on my day off.

Really?!?!?!  Really.

Suffice to say, I'm a little tired of the whole fucking thing.  Perhaps I'll feel differently tomorrow.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Money Can't Buy...what, exactly?

Whoever said "Money can't buy happiness" was obviously an obnoxiously rich depressed fuck or some hairy arm-pitted hippy, because, lemme tell you, having a little bit of scratch does make the world better.

No, the Rottenator and I are not rolling in it yet, but our financial situation is more stable than it has ever been in the entire time we've been together, and although we still have our quibbles and squabbles, our relationship is better too.

Because you know what?  Money can buy a reliable car, dinners at mid-scales buffets, a little peace of mind, and lots of cat treats and e-cig accessories.

Which leads to less stress.  And less stress = less violently angry Rottenator which makes the world a more enjoyable place.

The way to a man's heart truly is through his stomach...and his love of football.

Which why this jersey:

And tickets to this game this weekend:

are probably the best purchases of my life.

Other than this:

In other me related news, I had a great time at my sister's house this weekend, babysitting her chirren:

who are just the most hilarious and beautiful children in the word.  It was my sister's birthday, so I purchased these for her (she's a Gamecock and Bill Murray fan, obvs):

In fact, I don't believe I would be exaggerating if I were to say that Bill Murray needs to hire extra security.

Just sayin'.

So anyhoo, things are still going well.  New trainer at work, hurrah!  Which makes it a lot better.  Speaking of that, I think that the US of A needs to rethink it's work schedule.  Or at least my company does, because 4 days on/3 days off leaves me much more motivated.  In fact, even after a weekend away from home, I still managed to do laundry, clean the house, go to the grocery store, and post some mail.  Having a free day during the normal "work week" should be a routine...for me, of course, not for everyone else, because then I wouldn't be able to get my shit done, which would defeat the purpose.


To recap:

New car...

New washer and dryer...

New accessories for the car...

Life is pretty darn okay right now.  Only two things would  make it complete...

New Rottenator and new Nooge?  Say what!??!

I kid...kinda...

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Episodes

So, I'm watching the Emmy's and realized that I no longer watch enough television to relate to the Emmy's or even really enjoy them anymore.  I blame television programming more than I blame myself.


Even though I did take the advice of a friend and finally caught up on this show called "Episodes" on Showtime starring Matt LeBlanc from, ironically enough, Friends.  Of course, it's on Showtime, so I guess all television is not bad...just network television.


Here's a clip from the episode I related to the most because it dealt with LeBlanc's growing old and getting fat.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip of the very end, where he's watching old footage of himself while eating an entire cheesecake, but this was funny too.

This was my birthday weekend, and overall, it was a success. My sister did a particularly excellent job of celebrating the wonder that is me by providing a Pinterest worthy spread of Japanese food, including crab rangoon dip, pb & j sushi rolls, beef skewers with yum-yum sauce and a Hello Kitty cake!

As my brother-in-law said, "just what every adult needs".  Indeed.  I even shared my rings with my nieces...some of them.

Oh, and when I arrived back at Bella Cucina, I found two big boxes awaiting me and they contained these wondrous delights:

Purple retro diner barstools!  They are totally awesome sauce, and expertly put together...by me...alone.  Which is why they are put together correctly...unlike our new entertainment center...which is put together assbackwards...with unpainted particle boards staring out at me like ugly scars that haunt my nightmares.  Yes, I'm looking at you, Rottenator.  With your non-direction reading, no-patience having ass.

These chairs, however, are perfect and beautiful and I've made myself nauseous and almost barfed numerous times by spinning around in them and sitting up really high so I can pretend I'm tall.  They're also Nooge-approved.

More angles from which to attack.

I also got two lovely cards; one from my niece, the Artist-Futurally-Known-As-Victoria:

And even the Rottenator showed he had a heart:

Though this doesn't make up for the fact that he also ate the leftovers of my birthday dinner behind my back and polished off the White Chocolate Reeses but left the empty bag in the candy drawer.  WTF, doesn't he know me and my food issues by now?!!! Whatever.

I also bought myself some birthday goodies.

Finish date TBD

Shark Footie Pajamas!

Cute, right?

These are not, unfortunately, Nooge-approved.

Protective gear

And I'm finally joining the Smart-world; only 1 gig too late, but I'm still excited...

I'm purple, biatch!

So perhaps I'll soon be able to post pics with better quality than these:

Let me help you with that typo.

All in all, a successful birthday, so there's no reason to feel depressed and anxious...none at all...

My Mood Ring(tone) of the day:

The Little Things...

So, even though I didn't get something accomplished yesterday that would be a BIG deal for me while taken for granted by a lot of other people (i.e., people who can drive), I'm okay today.

For now; it's still early. Things that are okay today:

1. I got some sleep yesterday.
2. The Rottenator and I are one step closer to getting a new car.
3. I got a comforter for $17!  And it's nice.
4. It's fall which means the weather is nice and the holidays are getting closer.
5. I ate a double Whopper yesterday and lost four pounds...in one day.

Which brings me to this point; I shall link to my sister's blog because we have the same problem.  Our bodies are endlessly fascinating, but not in the cool "oooh, look at that, it's so sparkly and lights up and awe-inspiring and beautiful" way like this pumpkin:

I'm purple and sparkly and light up, say what?!?!

But more in a WTF is going on!?!? kind of way.  I can eat ice cubes and celery for a week or eat ice cream and pizza and my body only deviates 5-8 lbs.  The only problem with this is that my body is comfortable at a weight that I am not comfortable with it being...at.

I'd be much more comfortable minus 25-30 lbs, frankly, but I think this would entail exercising and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet.

So I'm going to have to deal with this for now.  Oh!  I just realized something!  I had half a bottle of water yesterday so maybe that's why I lost 5lbs.  Take note, sis!  Half a bottle of water is the magic exlir.  Now watch, I'll drink a whole bottle of water today and either wake up 10 lbs lighter, or have gained 15.  Who knows.

But that will not concern me today.
     6. I got a new vacuum cleaner.
     7. I found this in my mother's yard:

Not near a sewer...possibly still a ninja

Just chillin' in her front yard.  You can't see it in the picture, but he had evil orange eyes which prevented me from picking him up despite my sister's urging because she "wanted to see what happened".  Mom says it's a box turtle.  I figured it probably escaped from the teenager who lives next door who probably bought him about 10 years ago when he was the size of a teaspoon and he finally managed the 30 steps to the front yard.

I highly doubt he is a river cooter.  That would have been too cool!  Then I could have totally texted this pic to everyone I've ever met with the title "Check out my cooter!"  And then laughed hysterically because I'm so fucking hilarious.
     8.  I haven't thought about my birthday once today...until now...dammit.
     9.  I got nothing.
    10. I have to end my list in a even number of 10 because not doing so would disrupt the natural order of things.

My  Mood(ring) Tone of the Day:

          

I was a part of it...

The only good thing about this god-awful business trip to New Jersey was the one night and few hours I got to spend in NYC.  It's been about 13 years since I've been there and I've been anxious to go back so I was happy for the opportunity.

Not much about the city has changed; however, I have.  The hustle and bustle of Times Square, the endless suffocating crowds and the brusque, hurriedly rude pace of the New Yorkers no longer appeals to me.  Yes, I will go back, but whereas before, I always thought I could live happily in the big Apple, I realize at this age that...nah, I'd prefer not to. 

Plus, I don't have the zillions of dollars it would take to sustain my ideal urban lifestyle.  I am no longer young enough to be satisfied with a 12 story, roach infested, walkup closet as my domicile.  And as I cannot yet afford a Wall Street or Olson twins type of penthouse apartment, I'll live happily in my two bedroom house with Bella Cucina quite happily.

And drag the Rottenator into the city for a vacation at least once during Christmas time.  He did promise, after all.

In the meantime, here are some stereotypical but very representative pictures of Times Square. which included my own personal Hello Kitty Graceland.

Yes, I stood and stared in awe with my mouth hanging open at all the adorableness. I may have even drooled a little. But I also restrained myself.  Only $60 spent to indulge my psychotic endearing obsession hobby.

Requisite Black and White cookie, natch

Lincoln Tunnel drive in courtesy of Meryl

Time Square

And...the Holy Mecca...

Couldn't you almost DIE of the cuteness?  I almost did...

Doesn't this guy look excited to be working around all of the 4 and 40 year old females who were shrieking with delight?

And this is what awaited me upon my return home.

My own personal Hello Kitty terror.  It is good to be home.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day: