Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I'm Not Sayin', I'm Just Sayin'

Don't get me wrong, I do love the Rottenator, but at times...a lot of times, actually, that mofo gets on my fucking nerves more than any other creature in existence on the planet.

Other than the Nooge.

This may or may not occur predictably at a certain time on a monthly basis (how dare you even insinuate this may be hormonal), but I'm just saying there are times when I can put up with his shit, there are other times when I want to suffocate him in his sleep.

And not just to stop his snoring.

So today, I'm making a list of Things that the Rottenator May Do or Say that Continually Threaten His Existence on this Planet.

In no particular order.

  1. Sneezes loudly, and randomly, without covering his mouth or nose and thereby simultaneously frightening me, pissing me off, and disgusting me when I unexpectedly encounter the remnants of his nasal explosions on bed covers, blankets, bathroom mirrors, and car windows.
  2. Rarely or barely tips.  Hair stylists, waiters, waitresses, taxi drivers, delivery people, charity workers, no one is immune to his cheapness.
  3. Commandeers the television and watches nothing but ESPN, old football games on YouTube, prison reality shows, or  Xbox.
  4. Refuses to accept the fact that WE NEED TWO WORKING VEHICLES to transport ourselves to and from OUR JOBS.
  5. Will blow $40 on one meal, yet has a conniption fit when $100 is spent at the grocery store on 7 days (i.e., 21 separate meals) worth of food.
  6. Instigates fights because he's bored.
  7. Expects a parade when he (gasp, shock) washes a single glass, or reassembles bedsheets after he has qwopped them up.
  8. Grows irritable and tired of a project after 5 minutes and slaps together an entertainment center backwards without taking the time to read the directions then yells when it isn't praised as the most beautiful thing in the world.
  9. Can't bring himself to spend $400 on a new tv, then manages to make it my fault that we don't have one.
  10. Manages to be more sensitive than any 16 year old girl I've ever met then accuses others of being the "overly sensitive one".
  11. Refuses to do even the most menial traditionally "male" jobs around the house, forcing me to be the one to take the trashcan to the curb, change the lightbulbs, or pick up pinecones from the yard.
  12. Uses the excuse "I'm just not good at that kind of stuff" when being "forced" to buy me a birthday present while not exactly appreciating the thought and care it took into buying him a commemorative 1982 Bear Bryant coca-cola bottle or an authentic Trent Richardson Nike Alabama collegiate jersey.
  13. Considers buying necessities for the house such as toilet paper, cleaning products, or cat food, me spending money on myself.
  14. Acting like the world, including myself, "owes" him something, when he hasn't done a damn thing to earn any of it.
And the list could go on...and on...but I'm tired tonight, because I worked all day.  Yes, I work a full time job, 5 days a week, yet still manage to cook, and clean and run errands instead of laying around on my ass all day bitching and moaning about how hard my job is and I shouldn't have to do anything on my day off.

Really?!?!?!  Really.

Suffice to say, I'm a little tired of the whole fucking thing.  Perhaps I'll feel differently tomorrow.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:


  1. Have I said this to you before? I tell my daughter often.
    "Boys are dumb."

  2. This might sound a bit confrontational but, why are you with him?
    Try writing a list of his good points, and if the list isn't as long as this one, seriously - ask yourself why you're with him.


Enough stalking, start talking!