Well, that went well

So, Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I have to say...it went better than expected.

Not that the Rottenator wasn't horrible.  Lemme tell you, that one was trying to get out of going to my fam's house until the very second we were in the driveway and he was pouting: "You don't care, you don't care, I don't want to do this and you just don't care!"

Well, it's too late now, buddy, get out of the fucking car.

And though he would never admit it, he actually had (dare I say it) a good time.  At least a good time for him.

But the weeks leading up to it, his impending doom, were god awful.  He was like a petulant child, a loud bully, and a grumpy old man all balled into one.

I really wasn't sure if our relationship was going to handle it.  He did not understand how important him meeting my family was to me, and I had no idea of the sheer panic and terror coursing through his veins at the very thought of spending the day with a "bunch of strangers".

He honestly almost had a heart attack.  I have been known to suffer from a bit of social anxiety myself, but never had I witnessed someone about to have a full blown panic attack over the thought of, in my eyes, hanging out with people who are basically going to be a part of our lives for a long, long time.

Sickly green, clammy, sweaty, riding in silence, I was beginning to wonder if it was really worth it.  But I also knew that once he got there, it would be fine.  It would be good for him, and it was completely necessary if we were going to be together.

Melodramatic on both of our parts, I know.

But it was such a good time.  My sister and brother in law were the perfect hosts, and by the time the day was ending, there was smack talk about upcoming football games (thank God everyone's teams won), and the Rottenator was helping himself to food and walking around, and my niece, the 6 year old flirt, was flinging stuffed animals in his direction.

All signs of a successful gathering.  And the best part?  I didn't have to suffer any consequences!  In fact, I was told that even though it certainly wasn't going to be an every weekend kind of a thing, the Rottenator wouldn't be completely opposed to attending such an event again!  And no, I do not have any photographic evidence to prove that this momentous event actually happened, because I didn't want to push my luck, so you'll have to just take my word for it.

Needless to say, I am thrilled.  I can't promise a Christmas reunion this year, but the possibilities are endless.

Speaking of Christmas, what the fuck is this?

Sacrilegious, that's what it is.

Also speaking of Christmas, because of this:

We will not be having a tree this year.  Bummer.  I love a Christmas tree, but I also don't want to spend every second of every day keeping a certain someone from knocking it over or climbing up it.  So, plans are in the works to have a tree outside on our side porch.

In the meantime, I've got this on our front door:

And I've decorated every inch of our house with lights.  I took most of these pics in the dark, because the lights are so much glowier that way (except the first one, obvs...)

And now...to the worst part of the holiday season.

We ventured forth to the 9th circle of hell (aka Walmart) to witness the spectacle of Black Friday because the Rottenator had never witnessed it before.  As he watched with open-mouthed shock at the dregs of humanity that knocked each other over for $5 video games, I stood out of harms way and took horrified pictures.

This is the exact opposite of what I think the holiday season should be about.

See, I love Christmas.  The Rottenator does not understand this because he does not have happy memories of Christmas.  To me, Christmas is not just about giving gifts, or getting great bargains, or Santa, or Jesus, or the lack thereof.

I still hold onto the belief that Christmas is the time that we, as people, (in general), treat each other as we should treat each other every other day of the year.  Yes, I have worked retail during the holidays, and, yes I have been yelled at or cursed out because we didn't have the newest or hottest toy in stock at rock bottom prices for parents consumed with the obsession of fulfilling their little spoiled brat's every superficial dream.

But still I manage to hold onto the feeling that at Christmas: everything is beautiful and sparkly, and magical, and if it makes just one more person treat another a little better than they normally would on an average day, then it's worth it to celebrate.  No matter what religion you follow...or don't follow.

Cheesy?  Probably.  Sappy and sentimental, absolutely.  And I don't care.

I mean, seriously, watch this video and tell me you don't feel a little bit happier today.

My  Mood Ring(tones) of the Day:

And this.

Happy Christmas Month, mother fuckers!




 

30 Days of Thanks...in one post or less

Tis the season...

1. My family
2. My job
3. Money
4. Normalcy
5. The Internet
6. Cable
7. Top Chef
8. Brit Pop
9. Razors
10. Makeup
11. Hair Color
12. Bras
13. Insight
14. My Brain...most days
15. The Rottenator...some days
16. E-cigs
17. Buffy
18. New York City & London
19. Cell phones
20. Diet Cherry Pepsi
21. Electricity
22. Freedom of religion, or the freedom not to have any religion at all
23. My country
24. Cars, and the ability to drive them
25. Forgiveness
26. Christmas
27. Snow
28. The ability to appreciate beauty in almost anything
29. Inner peace
30. Spell Check

Sacrilicious

So, I woke up in a pensive mood today.  Actually, I stepped off the scale in a pensive mood, which, actually, is quite a different feeling than I normally have when dealing with that monster.  Pensive because my weight had fluctuated by 5 lbs from yesterday, so I was immediately like..."what the fuck..." but not in an angry or confused way, more like a calm acceptance of the fact that the scale really is not an accurate tool in which I should judge my success or failure at this diet experiment because I seriously have not adjusted my caloric intake by the extreme amount that it would take to make that much of a difference in my heft...or lack thereof.

And this got me thinking...sure, I originally started this lifestyle change to achieve what most women want...physical perfection.

Even though I lie to myself and say it's because I want to get healthy.  Or lied, I should say, as in the past tense.

See, I work with a very sweet girl that I like very much who lives with lupus. It is a horrible, debilitating painful disease for which there is no cure.  She lives in pain every day, and never complains, is warm, friendly, funny, kind, and spiritual.  In a very non-annoying way, because normally, these are qualities that I disdain in a person (Kidding! I joke!  Kinda...)

And it got me to thinking about my own health and how blessed I really am that I don't wake up every day in pain, that other than a few extra pounds, an occasional backache, or a bloody stump of a toe, I am relatively healthy and pain free.  So what the hell am I bitching about?

The fact is that I have been so lucky to enjoy relative good health in my life, other than illnesses caused by my own foolish behavior.  And how easily have I forgotten that a little over 18 months ago I was in an intensive care unit while this amazing body that I detest and deride every day fought as hard as it could to keep going.

This body that I take for granted, that I criticize for sagging or bulging or wrinkling has actually served me very well these past 40 years and still I complain about it and treat it like shit.  I have pushed it to the very limits of its endurance, and still it carries on, gives me very little problems, and keeps me going.  Literally.

While I was recovering, after one of my numerous blood tests, my doctor informed me that he was concerned about my thyroid levels.  They were a low, and he wanted to keep an eye on them because he was hesitant to put me on any medication to treat it because he wasn't a fan of taking that serious of a step and he wanted to see if the problem would correct itself.

Well my body was like:

And boom, it took care of business.  Next visit...perfect thyroid levels.

Even during the times I didn't want to go on, it never gave up, and kept fighting.

So, my philosophy has changed.  I'm not going to berate myself or it by denying it when it wants a piece of chocolate, but neither am I going to torture it by forcing down a double whopper with cheese because of misplaced anger or frustration.

And I'm not going to stare in the mirror making fun of it, degrading it, or humiliating it any more.  Quite frankly, I'm going to work hard at showing it the respects it deserves, and cherishing it for everything it has done for me.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of the Day:

Intro-perspective

This post was originally going to be a lengthy discussion about how I think organized religion really is just a crock of shit.  About how those self-righteous old fogies and bitties sitting in the front pews telling you that you're going to hell for not accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior are actually the same ones cheating on their spouses, stealing money from the collection plate, gossiping about their neighbors, and passing judgement on the rest of the world.

But actually, one of the few things I have come to realize in my 40 years on this earth is that you never argue religion or politics with anyone.  Because all reason flies right out the window, and you just end up frustrated, full of rage, and stabby.

Which is ridiculous because it all boils down to one thing, and I think this scene from the immortal Saving Private Ryan sums it up perfectly:

How I feel today: see above.  Am I a good person?  I continuously ask myself this same question  and unfortunately, I still don't have a definitive answer.  But at least I do ask the question.

The Final Fron...ten

Let's wrap this bad boy up, shall we?

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

This is a tough one...I went through the various options: mind control, reading people's minds, the power to making people's brains explode, flying.  But I don't know...

• mind control: I would be WAY too dangerous to be entrusted with this shit.
• reading people's minds: I don't think I really want to know how people feel about me...after all, that's why I avoid confrontation now.  Besides, I saw that Buffy episode; that shit will drive you nuts.
• flying: I used to think I wanted to fly because then I could travel ALL around the world, but what's the point of being able to fly and travel if you don't have the $ to enjoy yourself?  Which leads me to my superpower of choice: 

Invisibility.  Because if I could make my self invisible at will, then I could steal all the $ I needed to travel wherever I wanted to.  Win/win.

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

• I can't even fathom thinking about this one.  I've learned my lesson about even thinking about where I'll be tomorrow, much less 5 years from now.

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

• Cooking: it relaxes me, and I love to feed people and make them happy because that's how I show my love.  It's a very unhealthy relationship with food, I recognize this.
• Gardening: I like creating things that are pretty.
• Pinterest: it really does make you feel productive and creative though you're doing nothing but sitting in front of your computer.
• Reading: escaping into a fantasy world for a few minutes is always a nice diversion.
• watching TV: it serves as pleasant background noise.

 24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. 

• Huh...I'm not quite sure how to answer this one.  Depends on your definition of family.  I live with a member of the opposite sex now, which, growing up with nothing but girls in the house, adds a whole new ick factor that I'm not accustomed to because boys are messy and gross no matter what age they are.  Oh!  I guess the question means your "original" family, like parents and siblings.  Well, we're not all crammed into one house together anymore, so that's different.  The good part about that is that I think we're closer now because of it.

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

• King Henry VIII of England; I could totally go for one of those big ass royal banquets.

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

• That any "one" religion is the ONLY religion.  That you can't be a kind, decent, spiritual, loving, respectful person unless you conform to their particular belief system.  Organized religion, and I include all faiths in this, has really fucked the human race up.

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

• My eyes.  I've got really good eyes.  You really can tell a lot about somebody by the look in their eyes.

28. What is your love language?  

• What the fuck is a love language?  Is it a foreign language that I love?  In that case, Italian.  A language that I love in my native tongue?  In that case, vulgar.  This is a stupid question.

29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?

• I think that most people, especially those that don't know me very well, think that I am a lot nicer than I actually am.  I'm really quite the intolerant bitch.

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

• I'd be happy just being remembered at all.

Germans Ruin Everything

Okay, so I was perusing the internet recently as I am wont to do on occasion, and came across the following article from Gawker which had me going all John McEnroe "you can NOT be serious!" all over the place.  Like, I thought it was a mocked up Onion piece at first but alas, no.  This shit was real.

Tiny Til...the world's cutest, and uh, ONLY, apparently, earless bunny was trod upon by a German cameraman on the day of his world debut, thereby crushing his (vertebrae) and Germany's dreams of fame for this fantastically adorable mutant of nature.

A month before Easter.  I mean...seriously? So this got me thinking...are Germans just inherently evil?  History backs up this theory obviously.  Or, is this actually an act of a vengeful God who is so pissed off by the modern day commercialism of such a Holy day that he takes it out on a harmless little auditorily impaired rodent and blames it on the one race that is already known as being kinda sinister and shit.  "Don't blame me, blame those Hitler loving Nazi freaks!  Peace out."

Personally, I've got my own theory about God being a particularly diabolical prankster with a pension for torturing pathetic 40 year old women who are just trying to rebuild their lives and become normal productive citizens and are trying really fucking hard to do the right god damn thing and he's just giving them false hope and then yanking it away and can't I just catch a break, you evil overlord, what the fuck more do you want from me, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do already...

But I digress.  Moral of the story:  don't count your chickens before they hatch.  Or prematurely plan the fame of your squee-inducing mini earless bunnies before instructing German cameramen on where and where not to walk.  Or quit your lousy retail job based on a preliminary offer from a better one before your background check clears.  Hey, what was that last part?  Um...nothing.  Move along now.

Bunnies...Bunnies, It Must Be Bunnies!!

I've been sitting here trying to formulate my thoughts into words to express how I'm feeling at this moment in life and I'm coming up with f-all.  It's just so difficult because I don't even know how I'm feeling myself.  I'm not sad or depressed, far from it, in fact, everything seems to be going really well, actually.  But I'm not...happy or content.  I'm more like: "So this is my life...okay...I can live with this, I guess."  But I'm not excited about it.  Because what does it all matter, really?  The end result is still the same...nothingness.

Well, (you say to yourself imaginary reader), that certainly sounds like depression.  But it really isn't.  I'm okay, I really am.  I just feel like I'm sleepwalking through my life.

But then I realized...why struggle with putting all of this onto paper (so to speak) when Buffy and Joss Whedon have already expressed so eloquently EXACTLY how I'm feeling at this moment in my life.  God bless BTVS, man.  There is an episode, a scene, or a quote for everything, isn't there?  Kind of like the television version of Pinterest. And yeah, I know that the credits are backwards, but this was the clearest video clip I could find, so deal.

 

Ooh!  I just figured out how to express my feelings in one succinct little sentence: I feel like I'm in purgatory (non-catholic readers feel free to go here to find out what that is).  It's like God's little waiting room.  That's where I am...except I'm still alive...or AM I?  I could trip out on that thought for days...