Hey Aunt Flo? You Suck!

So, after two and a half months of not having a period, my body decides it's time to have one the DAY before my colposcopy (which I still can't pronounce by the way...colonoscopy...colscopy...copocetic...Coldplay...you know what I mean!) so it's been rescheduled for a month from now because my doctor is on summer vacay for a few weeks.

All is well, though.  I'm still surprisingly okay about it (thank you, Zoloft), as well as my "pass this test or you'll be fired" work assignment.  The first part of the assessment was today and I feel pretty confident about it.  Turns out I finally figured out that this job sets you up for failure, but despite that, I'm still pretty darn good at it.  Not perfect, but still...at least I actually care about doing a good job, and even though I'm not perfect, I do try, and although it is a job that is completely opposite of everything that comes naturally to me, I have adapted to it relatively well.  And I do have a bit more confidence in myself.  Which is a weird feeling for me;  it's odd: I have low self esteem, but I also think I'm brilliant and awesome.  Is there a defined medical condition for that?  Please don't say bipolar because that means I would just have to get on more medication.

Meanwhile, this is my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day, and don't judge me; it just so happens that I was taking a bathroom break at work and no lie, the chick in the next stall was singing this (don't even get me started about people who talk to themselves and/or others while taking care of business, I don't get it)...

Confidence, I Needs Some

So tell me..what does it feel like to be semi-successful at a job that you hate? Is it worth it? All of my reviews and call monitoring have been positive (aka "Kathleen is awesome say what?!") but still..the calls they don't hear are filled with self doubt and upper lip sweat.  *sigh*

I hate that this job is affecting me so deeply, but on the other hand, I blame it on the weather and the lack of vitamin D.

That's right people, it has rained 43 fucking days in a row.  No joke; it's probably rained 2 inches in the time it took me to compose this sentence.  How do you lot in the Pacific NW of NA or in the UK even deal with this?  My hair is protesting.

Anyhoo, I know that I should post more often, but there is actually nothing going on other than my daily routine.

I guess I should say:

New Girl: It's on Netflix now; I really REALLY wanted to like this show, but alas, I do not.  It is no Buffy or even Freaks and Geeks...or even Bones...or god forbid, How I Met Your Mother.

 PS for the last one: I forgive you, Willow...and Doogie...moving on...

I'm going to Dragoncon in Atl in September with my family and I need to pick out an appropriate costume. We are going as characters in the Whedonverse, so if you have any suggestions for any costumes for middle-aged overweight red headed women, I'm all ears...and fat rolls.

Meanwhile the Rottenator recently reminded me of this song because he stated that the Animals were the best British-invasion group to ever hit the US...above the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, but you know what, I could not fight him too much because the Animals did rock...

Thus behold, my Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:  and btw, is it just me or does the lead singer Eric Burdon remind you of a young Gary Oldman?  I'm just saying..of course, I also think that Gary looks like Sid Vicious so who am I to judge....

Long Weekend...

So, I have a much needed four day weekend break from work thanks to the Memorial Day holiday on Monday, and my forward thinking to request Tuesday off as well, so woo hoo!  Good thinking on my part, because I am much in need of an extended break.

I won't know the results of my "pass or you get fired" test until early June, but things did not go well.  At least the first day.  I felt better about the second day, but there were math problems involved, and as we all know:

It tends to stagger me.  But we'll see.  I'll know whether or not I passed a stupid test that has nothing to do with my day-to-day job in order to keep said job in early June. Until then...I ain't bothered.

Other than that, despite my crushing depression that keeps me from even wanting to wake up in the morning, the Rottenator has been spectacular in supporting me the best he can.  I cannot say it enough: there is something to be said for someone who loves you unconditionally.  Yes, you may get angry when they leave the seat up...don't take the garbage can to the curb...play NBA basketball on Xbox non-stop, but seriously...then they spend a whole day taking you out to eat, enduring your shopping for clothes, feigning interest in the things you're interested in...it means a lot.

So you deal with the minor problems when it comes down to the fact that they are loyal, love you unconditionally, and do whatever they can to make you feel better...even when there's nothing that they can do.  That makes me sad for him, actually.  Because there is no logical reason for me to feel so down right now and he is scrambling to do everything he can to make it better, but he can't.  Stupid chemical imbalance.

But it's okay; I'm soon to get everything sorted;  tomorrow is my mother's birthday, and I made her a strawberry pie...I will post pictures tomorrow, once it's all decorated with the whipped cream and whatnot, and share the recipe IF it gets the approval.  It's a homemade version of a Shoney's strawberry pie, y'all.

In the meantime, I am losing myself in a marathon of "Arrested Development" on Netflix because it is one of my most favorite shows every, and they are debuting 14 new episodes tomorrow.  God love the internet.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Do not go gentle into that good night...

And I don't plan to, motherfucker.  Oh my god, I'm old.  I'm so old, I'm like, "what the fuck, you're over 40?" old.

No, I'm sorry.  I am not embracing the whole "grow old gracefully" theory.  I hate it.  I hate every wrinkle, every thinning and gray hair, every fat dimple on my body.

What brought this on is that one of my acquaintances in my former life in Atlanta just posted about how she turned 50...

.http://www.atlantamagazine.com/hollisgillespie/2013/02/01/scene-stealers

(BTW, I love her, she is hilarious, and you should check her out...)

But still...she just turned 50.  I don't know why this struck me harder than seeing Facebook pictures of my college friends sporting gray hair and having 20 year old kids, but it did.

Maybe because she's always been a role model of mine: slightly older, always glamorous, witty, and smart, and she's accomplished what I always wanted to in life...she's being paid for her wit and humor and writing ability and is still fashionable and beautiful and stylish.

As she well deserves, because from knowing her in the "old days", she's been through her struggles as well.  And she had the guts to hang in there through the struggles, and continue with what she was passionate about and is finally successful at doing something she loves.  Writing...for a living...successfully.

I wish in my younger years I'd been more self-confident, with a higher self-esteem, and the courage to just go for it.  But I didn't.

And so now I'm here...not a terrible life, but not a spectacular one either.

Incidentally, have you ever seen the movie "Defending Your Life"?  Because it is my favorite movie of all times and pretty much sums up how I feel about my existence on this earth.

Albert Brooks...you are the only one who gets me.

And Now I Feel Guilty...Like I Need More Of This In My Life....

So the Nooge has an equally annoying and sweet habit of "making biscuits" on any part of my soft and cushy body that he can.

It's very sweet, because it means that he was probably weened too soon, and that he recognizes me as his "mama", so that part is comforting.

The other part is...it hurts like hell because his claws are sharp as fuck, as he is wont to keep them.

Well, tonight he was a little too enthusiastic about his contentment and when he dug in particularly hard, my natural reflex was to smack him away and yell...as one would an annoying and unexpected insect that was causing extreme pain.

And his little face at that reaction when he leapt from my lap and turned back to stare at me with big Puss'n Boots eyes.

And of course I burst into hysterical tears.  Because I am PMS-ing, (I think, maybe, who knows), and because I'm equally annoyed with everything in my life.

My job, where every time you turn around, there's another vaguely threatening email about how you will get fired if you step out of line in anyway; my home life, where I have no energy to clean, so my Virgo side is freaking the fuck out about the dustbunnies and floors that need vacuuming, and the eating of craptacular food because we're saving up for another car.

Incidentally, the Rottenator and I did go to PF Changs the other day, which has been our "go-to-mid-range-not-exactly-authentic-but-always-delicious-Asian-restaurant" and they had updated their menu...which included no-more Wok-Seared lamb, which devastated the Rottenator, and they'd added "Shaking Beef"...which made me violently nauseous at least three times during "Jurassic Park 3-D in Imax".  Highly disappointing for our one and only date-night in quite a few months.

Just another thing to mark on the list of things that are irritating the fuck out of me in my life.

My Mood(ring) Tones of the Day:

Incidentally, did you know that the Violent Femmes did a cover of this song?  Me either!

Which brings me to this:

Flames...

Seriously, how do you guys with kids do it? Because I can barely spend a day with the Nooge without wanting him to die in a violent "accident".

Oh, yeah, sure, he looks innocent, but trust me, he is not.  He is 20 lbs of furry evil. I don't think it's a coincidence that his birthday is April 20th.

You know who else was born on April 20th?

I'm just sayin'...we have not had a good weekend together.

Also, the pollen is out of control down here.  Have you ever seen pollen underneath a microscope?

This is why I can't breathe and my eyes are red and burny.  And yes, I feel sympathy for those of you who are still experiencing an ass-load of snow when it's supposed to be spring, but our very mild winter means that the pollen is out of control.

The following videos express what we're experiencing down here; just imagine billions of those little fuckers invading your sinus cavities and clinging on for dear life.

So, due to unforeseen complications such as not being able to breathe, and PMS-overload, I'm taking a day off from work to sit.  Not that I haven't just spent a weekend of sitting, but I think one more day might do me...so I don't end up like this...

My  Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Bananas in Pyjamas

So my mate Birdie is recovering from a bit of major surgery, and after reading her post, and I hope she's not offended, but it immediately brought me back to memories of this:

Mostly because she spelled it like "Pyjamas" in that wonderfully British/Canadian/Australian way.

And also because I remember weekends at my first job in Atlanta, at WUPA, way back in 1996, when the world was my oyster.  I was working the overnight shift, Master Control, as in, controlling what people saw on their TVs if they happened to be up at 7am on Saturday mornings, or up at night watching infomercials.

Those were the days.

I worked in television for quite a long time.  Hell, I went to the University of Georgia to major in Journalism and my first job in my "field" was playing country music videos overnights at a local station in Athens, GA.

I still have a soft spot in my heart for Dwight Yoakam because of this, but even more so for Lyle Lovett, because his videos tended to run for at least 8-9 minutes and would afford me a brief nap on the couch in the studio in between commercial breaks.

I miss working in television and media.  My current job is so...blah.  Just as I miss working in a big city.  Yes, there are benefits to living in a smaller Southern town: less traffic, closer to my family, more laid back, etc, but I also miss the advantages of the bigger city...and the excitement...and the making near $60k a year when I make half that now.

But life is what it is, and I've done it to myself.  And life isn't all that bad...just a little on the boring side.

But despite what it looks like, I am not complaining, because I much prefer this life to what it was about three years ago.  Every day is another step forward.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

PS: I especially love this clip from "Little Miss Sunshine", one of my most favorite movies ever, because I totally relate to the Steve Carell character, and his line in this scene pretty much sums up my feelings about people in general if they dare to cross me or one of my loved ones:

"Those fuckers...I will kill them..."

Random...

Don't know why, but was just thinking about the movie "Slum Dog Millionaire" tonight and how much I really loved it.

And this always puts me in a good mood...

And this is one of my all time favorite songs...

I personally love MIA though she tends to be a divisive figure.  But she had me the moment she sported this awesome outfit:

Off to bed.  This Tuesday wasn't as bad as last Tuesday, but still and all...this is not the most favorite job I've ever had.

I think my Mood Ring(tone) Of the Day speaks for itself...

This Bitch is Bitching Again

So, I still haven't gotten my nails did, but I did manage to clean my bathroom somewhat, so minor success on the not-being-lazy front.

So work, yes, well, today wasn't a bad day, but still I feel like it's killing my soul a little bit more every day.  I really wasn't meant for this line of work.  Sensitive people with low self confidence who take everything personally have no business being in a call center environment where they are trying to help people with a subject that they know little to nothing about.

Oh, and the politics.  As my friend Meryl likes to say, "I've never been good at drinking the company kool-aid" and I am right there with her.  My department is currently going through a restructuring that is not to my liking, full of more responsibilities with the same pay, and I find that it is not in line with my "do the bare minimum" philosophy of just picking up my paycheck every other Friday and sliding beneath the radar.

Here is the scary part of this job: even though I manage to do well on a daily basis, there is that fucking test they make you take which they use to decide whether you are worthy to continue to be employed at this corporation.

The girl who sits in the cube next to me: well she just failed it.  And she's been in payroll for two years.  And she has her CPA. And she finished the test early and actually felt pretty confident about it. Oh, and works part time at H&R Block preparing people's taxes.

My turn is probably coming up in May.  It's funny in a way; I still am not overly worried about it.  I have a feeling I may do fairly well, but you never can tell.  I just think it's bullshit that it doesn't matter whether or not you are good at your job on a daily basis, this company judges you on your score of a single test comprising of 50 questions on a single day of whether or not you'd be a good "fit".

On the plus side, they give you three fucking chances to pass.  And, even though this girl has more experience and probably better training than I have had, I have heard her ask questions that I know the answer to off the top of my head.  So that makes me more confident.

I just wish that part of this thing was over already.  Even though I bitch and moan about this job, don't get me wrong: I am eternally grateful for being gainfully employed in today's economy and I feel very blessed to have been given a second chance.

So here's to passing tests...and a bit of self-confidence...and realizing that you may actually be good at something you never thought you'd excel at.

And once again, I am inspired to present to you my two (!!!) Mood Ring(tones) of the Day:

And this one, a personal fave.  This actually reminds me of my Dad,who loved this musical which is kind of amusing when you actually pay attention to what they're saying and the fact that he was a devout Catholic.

 

Mental Block

Remember not too long ago when I was complaining about NOT having a job and having no $?

Well, now I have a job and we have a bit of $ and now I'm complaining about my job, and my weight and my lack of motivation to clean my house so seriously, when am I going to stop whining and complaining and start counting my blessings?

Not today, kiddo, I can promise you that.

This job, OH-EMM-GEE, this job.  Well, not this job as much as this fucking whoremouth passive aggressive bitch from hell instructor I have who doesn't know her ass from a hole in the wall and treats a group of fairly intelligent women like children is driving me batshit crazy.

Completely.  She's awful, GOD awful, I couldn't stress that more.  But I'll sure as hell try.  Let me just say this much: Meryl is consistently making top scores in the class and SHE is going to her manager complaining about this woman.  'Nuff said.

The part I hate the most is that she makes me feel stupid and incompetent.  Not only is she not teaching us the important tools we need to be successful at our jobs, she is teaching us INCORRECT information.  She's twisted and dangerous and not in a fun, exciting way.

I shouldn't let it affect me like it does, but I can't help it.  I don't like feeling stupid, or having people treat me condescendingly.  I'm used to being the condescending, smart one.  So I guess this is karmic payback.

Well, enough already.  Of the karmic payback, that is.  October 1st.  10/1/12 is freedom; we move onto the next phase and have a new instructor.  And I can't fucking wait.  Maybe I'll have the motivation to clean my house by then.  Wouldn't it be nice if the Rottenator would do it for me?

Smiling is a sign of weakness

Doesn't that look like an enthused, strapping young man capable of washing a dish or changing a light bulb or, god forbid, scrubbing a toilet just ONCE? 

I guess not.  That's the face of a weak-stomached individual who got nauseated at the sight of the green goo coming out of a Cadbury's Screme Egg and couldn't finish it after one bite.

I ate two!

His loss, btw.  These things are delicious; another sign that Fall is coming, and not soon enough.  The weather is also getting cooler, which I'm enjoying.

So what am I complaining about anyway?  Not anything of importance, obviously.  But still I do.

Stupid birthdays.

Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Boo! On Many Different Levels...

First off, that whole passing tests and doing well at my job experiment?  Yeah, well, no one informed my brain of the decision to continue with this mission, so yeah, I failed my test.  By one freakin' question.  Just one more correct guess, and I would have been like Proactive: useless, but managing to just barely slide under the radar enough so that my incompetence wouldn't be noticed.  Good for him.

Retest in two weeks; at least this time I'll know a little more about what to study even without the help of my evil heifer of a trainer.  Much like last time.  So, not much has changed. Only now, I'm a failure.

Which was confirmed by a recent motivational message posted at my job:

 

Whatever.  I'm tired.  One thing that is not a failure of an experiment:

Verdict: cute and delicious: like me! Despite outward appearances.

Another discovery: the Nooge has proven not to be useless (though still a nuisance as he is currently chewing through the power cord of my laptop): he is a fearless roach trapper.  I would say killer, but he loses interest about halfway through his mission, which is when I swoop in and trap the hideous monster (no, not my kitten, the other one) in a tissue and flush it down the toilet with only a minimum of hysterical shrieking.

Teamwork, we has it!  I would insert a picture of said dead roach here, but that would entail me stopping my panic long enough to snap a photo and that would entail even more shrieking, so you'll just have to imagine it.

**I started this post about two weeks ago; not much has changed except work is still sucking, I really need to go to the dentist, and my house is even dirtier than it was two weeks ago. I'm in a funk, and not in a cool. Funkytown kinda way. I miss having friends.  I miss going to nice restaurants and trying new foods, and seeing movies and watching interesting television shows and discussing them ad nauseum. I miss spending time with people I have common interest with, not people who try to support me in my interests, and hobbies, but deep down, don't "get them"...or me. I'm tired of eating at restaurants with buffet, corral, or barrel in their names and gagging down mediocre or outright disgusting "food". I'm tired of feeling middle-aged, though I guess I technically am.

Yes, first world problems, I have them. Or the birthday blues. Whatever.  Oh, and I'm tired of hearing "things could be worse".  Yeah, I know, I remember, I was there.

Things could also be better.



Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Count Blah

Glad to know I'm not the only one in a funk.

And also good to know it's not entirely period, job or life related.  It's those god dang planets.  And the weather.

So you know how you start a new job and you have high hopes that this is going to be the ONE? The life changer, the new career path?

Yeah, me neither.  Well actually that's not entirely true. I had a job once where I had high hopes that it was the ONE.  Well, it turned out (through both its fault and my own) not to be, so I floundered around for a while (you know, almost dying, wasting my life, working retail...actually those three things could be one in the same couldn't they?) until I found this one and I thought...

Okay.  I can do this.  It's a job, pays pretty well, good benefits, kinda-sorta similar to what I've done before, low key and low pressure, I'll take it.

Well, it's kicking my ass.  And it's not even the job yet; it's the training of the job that I'm finding hard to deal with so what the HELL is going to happen when I actually start the job itself?  I dunno...I hope I can handle it.  I'm filled with self-doubt, not necessarily about my abilities...well, that's not true.  I do doubt my abilities.

I hear all the time "you're smart, you'll get it, you'll catch on, you'll be fine" but I'm not as young as I used to be kiddos, and my brain realizes this.  Unfortunately.

It doesn't help that my trainer sucks and even the people who claim to be struggling and not "getting it" seem FAR more advanced and further along in their knowledge and abilities than I.

And it doesn't help that the one guy who started with me, Little Man Tate, certified idiot, has done better on our assessment test than myself.  It sucks.  He sucks, he doesn't give two shits about this job, and is excelling.  What...The...Hell...I don't get it.

I have my second test next Tuesday.  And I hope I'll be fine. It's not the "if you fail, you get fired" biggie exam, but it's still pressure.

So I'm glad to know it's the planets working against me.  And I'll be happy for the long weekend...that I'll probably spend studying.

Is it Friday yet?

Here's this, which I thought of when I titled this post; I'm probably the only person on the planet who remembers and loved this show (Seth Green can do no wrong).

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Quick aside: this is my 100th post.  A minor milestone of sorts.  Hurrah.  Wish it wasn't such a downer.

I was a part of it...

The only good thing about this god-awful business trip to New Jersey was the one night and few hours I got to spend in NYC.  It's been about 13 years since I've been there and I've been anxious to go back so I was happy for the opportunity.

Not much about the city has changed; however, I have.  The hustle and bustle of Times Square, the endless suffocating crowds and the brusque, hurriedly rude pace of the New Yorkers no longer appeals to me.  Yes, I will go back, but whereas before, I always thought I could live happily in the big Apple, I realize at this age that...nah, I'd prefer not to. 

Plus, I don't have the zillions of dollars it would take to sustain my ideal urban lifestyle.  I am no longer young enough to be satisfied with a 12 story, roach infested, walkup closet as my domicile.  And as I cannot yet afford a Wall Street or Olson twins type of penthouse apartment, I'll live happily in my two bedroom house with Bella Cucina quite happily.

And drag the Rottenator into the city for a vacation at least once during Christmas time.  He did promise, after all.

In the meantime, here are some stereotypical but very representative pictures of Times Square. which included my own personal Hello Kitty Graceland.

Yes, I stood and stared in awe with my mouth hanging open at all the adorableness. I may have even drooled a little. But I also restrained myself.  Only $60 spent to indulge my psychotic endearing obsession hobby.

Requisite Black and White cookie, natch

Lincoln Tunnel drive in courtesy of Meryl

Time Square

And...the Holy Mecca...

Couldn't you almost DIE of the cuteness?  I almost did...

Doesn't this guy look excited to be working around all of the 4 and 40 year old females who were shrieking with delight?

And this is what awaited me upon my return home.

My own personal Hello Kitty terror.  It is good to be home.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

What's New, Pussycat?

So, this happened:

Luckily, I did indeed pass my own work test, so I can relax now for about six weeks until the next one...whatever, but it's over.

Speaking of work, my new BFF work buddy Meryl* is also a smoker, but has started the transition to E-cigs and she let me test smoke one of hers for a few days and let me just say...I really love it.

http://www.volcanoecigs.com/inferno-kit-1041.html

It's semi-stylish, and it gets the job done.  A quick little nicotine buzz without all the nasty smell, smoke, and carcinogenics, just as bad (good?) for you as a diet cherry pepsi...which I am also trying to phase out in the form of water.

Soon, I will have no more vices...with the exception of peanut butter & jelly ice cream.

So, my sister has introduced me to MyFitnessPal which I'm going to give a try; it's a free calorie and exercise tracker so I hope to lose this extra 30-40lbs before my regaining gets out of control.  It seems reasonable enough; now all I have to do is really get serious about counting my calories and doing something about this because I'm really getting angry with myself.  I've been eating so much, and so often, I've almost forgotten what it's like to feel really hungry.  I'm more accustomed to what it feels like to be uncomfortably full, which is certainly not healthy.

You know what's also not healthy?  Cats on kitchen counters.

Oh, hai, welcome to Kitty Yoga!

 

 

 

Let me just clean up a bit first then we'll get started!

The Rottenator is already talking about having second thoughts about the "snip snip".  I, however, am counting the days.  I wonder if they offer a two-for-one deal (or would it be considered four-for-two?)


*not her real name, but she's as fabulous and dramatic as a young Meryl Streep, so that's how I shall refer to her.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Take Me Down To Funky Town

Not quite the same thing, but you get the idea.  I have been in a funk the past few days.  Without going into specific details, it probably has something to do with this which is all I can attribute to the unbearable pain I've been in.  Yes, it's all fun and games until it becomes a big pain in the butt..ba da bump.

I have been under a lot of stress lately.  First world stress problems, but still.  Between the Nooge, who is completely out of control, the Rottenator who has not yet recognized that I'm now working full time too and he needs to step up his contributions to keeping up the house, and the new job, which is scary, unknown territory that is punctuated by tests.

That's right, tests.  As in "pass this test or get fired" kind of tests.  My first one is tomorrow, and although it's not the one that could lead to my unemployment, it is still worrisome because I hate to fail anything.  And, it's been about a million years since I've actually had to take a test that didn't involve blood sugar levels, blood pressure, drugs, you get the idea.

Not that I don't test well, I do, but this material that we're learning is not something that I'm comfortable with; it doesn't come second nature to me, translation: it has to do with math, and forms and figures, all things that I've avoided at all costs my entire life because math is hard, y'all.

So all of this combined stress is leading to the physical breakdown of my body which is leading to the mental breakdown of my brain, which is not good for tomorrow, and is not good for my psyche, because when I don't feel good physically, I tend to get depressed.  I tend to get maudlin and reflective ("I'm so old, what have I done with my life, look at where other people are at my age, why have I fucked up so badly, put myself in such a hole I'll be struggling to get my way out until I'm dead, why haven't I accomplished a damn thing, or made a difference, or been important, why did I let my dreams die?").

Et cetera.

And btw, Facebook does NOT help with this, because when I get in this kind of a mood, I do the worst possible thing which is to look up all my old friends and acquaintances from high school and college and check out their status updates...and compare my life to theirs...and comparatively, my life sucks ass (there it is again).

And when I'm like this, there's really nothing that anyone can say that will make me feel better...well, that's not entirely true.  There probably is something that someone somewhere can say only they haven't said it to me yet.  And God knows the Rottenator, bless his heart, is the WORST at offering words of comfort (and wisdom, for that matter):

"You just can't let it get to you."

Really?  REALLY?  THIS from the boy who has been known to throw an Xbox controller across a room and stomp off because he lost a stupid football game.  A VIDEO football game.  Okay, yeah, I'll just let it go and "not let it get to me".

And the Nooge...*sigh*. It has been a loooong time since I've had a kitten, and now I remember why.  My last cat, Chairman Miao (angel) was big, fat, lazy, and super chillaxed.  This...kitten...is insane.  Like, insane to the point that he's taking me with him.  He is one big bitey clawy mess of spastic energy that gives me a nervous tick whenever I look at him.  It is constant.  He will not leave me alone for anything.  3am, he's in my face, he sleeps on my pillow, he eats my feet, he's all over my computer, my food, everything.  It sounds cute, but the state that I'm in, I want to open the door and just let him barrel out of it.

I'm so stressed out this 3 lb. furball has me in tears...literally.  He just...has...to...calm...down.  I can't take it.  There's a reason I never have children...I don't like babies.  Of any kind, obviously.  Too much trouble and mess.

So, there's all that.  And instead of studying, I'm writing this blog.  Because at least writing will help me find the humor in some of this right now.  And life with the Nooge isn't all bad....there is at least a 15 minute period of the day when it's actually pleasant.

Yes, this entry is indeed asstastic..asscentric, even.

And because I'm feeling nostalgic (translation: old and broke down), I've picked a video to match.  It reminds me of the kind of high school I always wanted to go.  The kind of high school that only existed on movie screens and in the mind of John Hughes (RIP).

My Mood Ring(tone) Of the Day:

Everything's Hotter In Texas...

supposedly.  Tell that to the SC/GA border, because it sucks balls to leave 104 degree weather to return home to 106 degrees.

I've long told people that the whole "dry heat" thing was bullshit: hot is hot. But oh, how I was wrong.  No, it really is different.  It really is the humidity that kills you.  And I am definitely feeling near death.

But I am home!  Finally, after a frantic near-miss of a connecting flight at Atlanta Hartsfield/Jackson, which my thighs are still screaming at me about after my two terminal sprint towards my final destination.  And I have to tell you...this business trip was much better than I expected.  It was, dare I say, actually fun.

I don't know if it's my age or my relatively "normal" weight which made this the most comfortable business trip I have ever taken but whatever the combination, I am grateful for it.  Never in my life have I felt so at ease meeting new people but this time I have felt a peace about it that I have never before experienced.  I think the weight thing definitely played a part because for once I have clothes that I am relatively comfortable wearing and I don't fear being in cramped spaces or having to squeeze into a desk or breaking a chair.  I would like to say age is a factor because I do not give a fuck what people think but I don't believe that could be completely it because let's face it: what is the age where a woman honestly doesn't give a fuck about her looks?  I don't think I'm quite there yet because as I sat with a 35 year old (who expressed surprise when I revealed that I was 40) and a 25 year old (who said "yeah no wonder you feel old") the age thing was obviously still a factor.

Whatever the reason I enjoyed myself immensely in the great state of Texas and I was reasonably relieved to arrive home to find that my own house wasn't in complete disarray after the Rottenator and the Nooge enjoyed a week of unsupervised bacherlorhoodness together.  Though there was an unsettling lack of tp that almost ended my relationship (when will boys learn that girls wipe EVERYTIME they use the bathroom?  And what do boys use as tp when they run out of tp?  I don't even want to know...)

Bottom line: I was social, I did not lock myself in my hotel room as is my usual habit, and I remained steely in my resolve to avoid any forbidden temptations even though I was surrounded by them on numerous occasions.

Oh, and the hotel...oh, the hotel.  With the 65 degree thermostat, daily cleaning, and king sized bed with adjustable mattress firmness...I think I shall miss you most of all.  *sniff*

I was also surrounded by mountains.  Who woulda thunk it?  Texas has mountains!

For your viewing pleasure:

Texas mountains!

Me photobombing a Texas mountain!

Me taking pics of mountains while on a social shopping excursion!

Me being social by taking dinner pics!

Me watching others partake at dinner and judging socially!

Me taking pics of a loud mariachi band while being social at dinner!

 

 

 

    

The Nooge, gazing at me adoringly upon my return to being anti-social.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cankles and Fat Rolls and Muffin Tops Oh My!

Perhaps if I'd stuck to my original plan of trying to limit my food intake for about a week before my flight, I wouldn't feel like this today:

Oh, well.  Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  The two sausage biscuits this morning probably didn't help either.  And now my jeans are screaming for mercy.  Oh, but if only this weren't a business trip and I could travel comfortably in my fancy pants.

But alas, I cannot.  So I will endure, and pray that I won't need a seatbelt extender.  And hope that I miss the Rottenator and the Nooge, because right now, they are both on my last nerve.  Kathleen needs a break!

Until next time, my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day (natch):

Oh, but if I could channel Audrey Hepburn today!  And I'd forgotten that John Denver wrote this song originally, but I felt it bad luck and/or karma to post a video of him performing it, no?

God Doesn't Like Stubby

Every day when I arrive home and ease my bloody stumps out of my dress shoes, I am reminded of the following episode of Modern Family:

http://www.movieweb.com/tv/TEIT4dC4EJneLP/jay-gets-gloria-new-shoes

 

Why can't we all just wear comfy shoes at all times?  The world would be a much happier place.

But then again, the world would also be a place filled with eye sores like this:

And this:

Incidentally, it's scary how much that damn cat looks like the Nooge...very.

So, I ask you, is it really worth it?  On most days I would say hell no, but today...I'm torn.

But not that much. 

My Mood Ring(tone) Today:

Dedicated to the Rottenator.

 

Kicking My Ass...Life, That Is...

Between work and home, I am stressed and exhausted, but not unhappy.  Stressed, because work is...challenging.  Bottom line, the old adage "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" is especially true when that old dog is me, and me is not good at math (or English, apparently).

Work is like going to school again...and I wasn't that motivated the first time around, but this time, there is a check waiting for me at the end of the day, so I suppose that is serving as motivation enough.

You know that other old cliche "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" well we'll see how true that is in a few weeks when I'm shipped off to Texas in the middle of summer.  I have a feeling that hot is damn hot especially since I've checked the weather and it's going to be 100 fucking degrees when I'm there.  I'm going to wilt like a delicate little southern flower...actually, I'm going to be a big beet faced sweaty middle-aged pig panting her way around the city, but the flower image is much nicer than reality.

In other uneventful news, because of this...

someone found himself in time-out.  No, not the Rottenator (though he deserves to be), but the other aggravating male in my life.

Now, before you get all "Awww, but he's just a baby" sympathetic on me, let me just say that mere moments after this picture was taken and I was washing the blood from my wound, I returned to my living room to find this:

Yeah...you can see how concerned he is about his mama's pain and suffering.  Little asshole.

How I'm Feeling Today...well, for no particular reason, this song just popped into my head.  So, maybe this should be entitled "My Mood Ring(tone)":