Like My Life, This Blog is All About Me: style

Showing posts with label style. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Sometimes It's Hard To Be A Woman

So one of the girls I work with stopped by to talk to me and took one look at my hands and said, "Oh wow...I don't think I've ever seen your nails like that."

Like what? Not manicured? Yeah, I suppose you have not, heifer. Thanks for noticing.

Did I mention that the Rottenator and I are saving up to buy a second car so we've cut out the "extras"?

And extras mean nails and haircuts and perfume and food other than Hamburger Helper and Beans and Rice...

But it's for a good cause. And I'm on board...kinda...though I do miss my nails.

I don't miss the process, however. I always enjoyed the look of my nails after a manicure, but I never enjoy the sitting and making conversation with complete strangers. Just do my nails, okay? No time for chit chat, not necessary.

Different from a pedicure. I do love a spa pedicure, I have to say. I'm all about massages and pedicures and that sort of pampering.

But nails and haircuts; those I see almost as doctor's appointments: necessary, but not exactly enjoyable.

I do miss my perfume, though. I've recently discovered Jo Malone, who is a "perfumer" I guess, I don't know the technical term for it, from London, and every scent she has is deliciously yummy! I ordered a samplers pack of her fragrances from Ebay before the lockdown on the cash, and fell in love.

She makes me feel girly. I'm not the girliest of girls but I do like to feel pretty on occasion. I find it's more and more difficult the deeper into my 40s I get.

It's weird: a part of me, especially when I was really heavy, wanted to be someone that just disappeared into the crowd and was barely noticed, but that's an odd feeling, too. Because now I am just a middle-aged generic woman who is easily forgotten, never gets a second look, and is just kind of...there.

First world problems, right? That being said, I do miss the days of being able to dye my hair purple, wear Doc Martens and Hello Kitty, and have my tongue pierced.

Those were the days...but I wasn't any happier then. It's funny how the older we get, the more we romanticize our past instead of remembering how it really was.

All being said, life is okay right now. And if skipping a few nail appointments and hair cuts means that I can see Harry Potter and we can get another car, I'll make the sacrifice.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

God Doesn't Like Stubby

Every day when I arrive home and ease my bloody stumps out of my dress shoes, I am reminded of the following episode of Modern Family:


http://www.movieweb.com/tv/TEIT4dC4EJneLP/jay-gets-gloria-new-shoes

Why can't we all just wear comfy shoes at all times? The world would be a much happier place.

But then again, the world would also be a place filled with eye sores like this:

And this:

Incidentally, it's scary how much that damn cat looks like the Nooge...very.

So, I ask you, is it really worth it? On most days I would say hell no, but today...I'm torn.

But not that much.

My Mood Ring(tone) Today:

Dedicated to the Rottenator.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Spanx For Nothing

Well, the Rottenator is off to work, so you know what that means: par-tay up in herra! Actually, what that normally means is "cleaning frenzy for Kathleen" but I'm caught up on my cleaning, so I'm bored and I decided: "Hey, what better way to cure this boredom than to add a little dash of self-loathing to the mix to spice things up a bit?"

So, in preparation for my new career, which begins on Tuesday, I decided to give my Spanx a test drive. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what Spanx are; there's probably no woman on the planet who doesn't know someone who owns a pair if they do not in fact own one themselves.

Incidentally, the woman who created Spanx, Sara Blakely, is one of my heroes along with JK Rowling. She's a fucking BILLIONAIRE, yo. That's with a "B". That's not why she's my hero; she's one of my heroes because she came about being a billionaire all on her own, from nothing, sewing panty hose onto underwear in her little place in the ATL (holla!) while supporting herself as a single mom. That's fucking amazing. JK Rowlings has much the same story, only she was a single mum. I love these women.

That's what makes this so painful, not as painful as trying on my Spanx, but close.

See, I've been hearing what a miracle this garment is, so of course I had to try it. I have a lot of imperfect anatomical parts, but the one that's bothered me the most, even since losing weight, is my tummy. I still have a muffin top no matter how much dieting and exercising I avoid doing, so I thought Spanx would be a great way to help out in that area until I get my membership to the Y, which is dependent on my first pay check in three weeks. I opted for this little number right here .

So tonight, I tried them on...I would insert a photo here of me in said Spanx but I don't think you're ready for that. Hell, I'm not even ready for that. And I don't want to get sued for sexual harassment or personal injury to eyeballs, so I'll just spare you that image. I'll leave the sexual imagery to my sister, who is cultivating a very disturbing but possibly profitable interest in Uniporn© (copyright pending).

Yeah, so Spanx. They were not entirely what I was expecting. First of all, they are not as comfortable as everyone raves. No, they do not bind like a girdle, but they do fit like pantyhose, in that the crotch is somewhere around my knees, and even after a great deal of pulling and twisting and other gymnastic quality motions they still only ended up approximately in the general area of my nether regions.

Okay, fine, whatever. I'll add an extra 15 minutes to my getting ready for work time (time that I can subtract from my exercise routine) so I could live with that. Especially because once I actually pulled them up, I did notice that my stomach appeared flatter, and my pants fit better, so okay. I was willing to put up with them to the point that I wore them around the house for a minute, doing various chores.

And then I sat down. And they rolled down past my stomach to my hips. Defeating their purpose completely. So what the hell is the point of buying a pair of undergarments to help flatten your stomach when all they do is bunch up at your waist, making you look bulkier than before?

I still may give them a try; we shall see. I definitely will not attempt them with a skirt because I don't think it screams "we hired the right girl for the job!" when that girl is adjusting herself more often than a baseball pitcher.

Spanx, prior to experiment:

Spanx, post experiment, crumbled into a ball of rage:

How I'm Feeling Today (embracing my inner geek with a little bit of Dr. Who):

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Ready for the Beach!

Ready for the Beach! by ainslee921 featuring summer bags

Forte Forte full length skirt
$334 - matchesfashion.com

Sport tankini swimwear
$29 - sportsauthority.com

Ralph Lauren Collection espadrille shoes
$295 - ralphlauren.com

Rachel Comey summer bag
$322 - gargyle.com

Mali Sabatasso 24 karat gold jewelry
$170 - maxandchloe.com

White winter hat
$14 - target.com

Monki retro shades
€10 - monki.com

Burts Bees lip treatment
£3.49 - debenhams.com

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Quelle est cette chose appelée shopping?

So, yeah, I bought clothes yesterday! Grown up professional clothes and shit. Did I purchase any of the items above? Of course not, don't be silly. In fact, the lip purse itself was probably more than my entire allotted clothes buying budget.

Nevertheless, $75 later (including thrifted items from the Mother, Grandmother & the good folks at Goodwill with a side trip to Payless and the Wu-mart), check it, I have a brand new wardrobe that will last me at least two weeks of mixing and matching without too many repeats.

Do not mock the Goodwill, Payless, or the Wu-mart, thank you very much. An extra bonus of being significantly smaller than I have been previously in life is that it opens up an WHOLE NEW WORLD (cue Ariel the Little Mermaid here) of clothing opportunities that I never previously knew existed.

I've always hated shopping...as one does when faced with the limited selection of muumuus and elastic waisted jorts that are available to encompass one's expanded girth. EXPENSIVE muumuus and jorts, I might add. Talk about sticking it to the "healthy" girls: not only will we mock you by making impossibly hideous clothing that you will be forced to wear, we'll also make you pay out the ass for anything that doesn't make you look like Jabba.

However, being in the comfortable 12-16 size range, I can now find a pretty decent selection of slacks, skirts, and yes, even buttoned down shirts (gasp!) for cheap. Cheap, cheap cheap, without looking it.

Example: I bought a pair of St. John gray dress slacks WITH the tag still on them for $1.75 at Goodwill. Beat that, bitches.

They are currently between seasons at apparel stores, apparently (see what I did...nevermind), at least they are at Wal-mart, so a lot of their long sleeved but still lightweight shirts and sweaters are significantly reduced. Seriously, 50-75% off. I will be working in an air-conditioned environment, so needless to say, I benefited greatly from this; on average, my shirts cost between $5-$7 a piece.

This just made me realize that if Walmart was doing this then probably other stores, like Target or even (gasp!) Macy's or Nordstrom or Neiman-Marcus...dammit!

Well, I'm not there financially (YET!) but that just gave me even MORE incentive to keep working on this body thing. Because one day, oh, yes, I will have the $ to shop at high-end department stores. And I will want to have the figure to continue to enjoy the wide selection of choices that will be available to me.

And I will still shop between seasons, because nothing excites me more than a bargain. Only now, instead of putting my financial abilities to work at the grocery store...I shall apply them to refilling my wardrobe.

I'm already excited about shopping for upcoming birthdays and holidays. I need to let my sister know to get her lists in order...though I'm sure her chirren already have gifts in mind.

How I'm feeling today: