Tuesday, July 31, 2012


Just one of those days where I'm in a bad mood for no reason.  Actually, I'm probably in a bad mood because I'm tired and more than likely PMS'ing, but I find it much easier to blame my mood on the Rottenator, because god knows, he probably deserves it for some reason.

For example, tonight, as I was washing dishes after making dinner, doing some serious pondering (my other pondering place is my shower, but I'm usually pondering over what I'm going to wear to work that day, so I have less time to harbor resentments) I just started thinking...what have you done for me lately?

As I'm typing this, he just let out the most horrendous fart, so that, in itself, is reason for me to loathe him completely.

Another reason is that...seriously, I was thinking, when has he ever done anything completely, selflessly, entirely for me without expecting some sort of reward, or without getting...

So, I started this post last night and I'll leave off there for authenticity's sake but I'm not in a much better mood tonight.  I really shouldn't post when tired, but a lot of my emotions are still the same. We had a big fight again tonight about the yard, which is growing up to my eyeballs, and the trashcan, which needed to be taken to the curb and which I have done the past few weeks.  What's the point of having a big strapping young man around if they don't take care of these things for you?  Good question, no answer.

But he did it tonight after my incessant bitching.  But the yard:  "I'm not motivated to get out there and do it."  Really?  REALLY!?!?!  Like I live to clean the bathroom and mop the kitchen, but I fucking do it. Whatever.

This is not going to be a good post because I didn't stick to my diet today and I'm frustrated.  Of course I'm going to blame that on him, too.  The mall and the food court.  He forced that gyro wrap down me...and the curly fries...and the frozen yogurt (nutella frozen yogurt, is amazing btw, I highly recommend it, especially when swirled with peanut butter, oh...my...goddess.

This is where I'm frustrated with myself because I could have been fine with just the wrap but of course I had to order the curly fries too and even though I was full by the time I finished the wrap, I forced down a few fries.  The more is more philosophy that I can't seem to get out of my head when it comes to food infuriates me.

But still I faithfully logged all of my calories as honestly as possible on MFP but GOD do I still want to stuff myself with cheetos slathered in dill dip before I go to bed.  Definitely PMS.  So, I will drink my water, finish up my computer stuff and go to bed.  Today is not a complete wash and I will hold onto my 10 lbs. lost as a win.

And I won't kill the Rottenator or the Nooge in the meantime...if all are lucky.  Yes, the Nooge who is insane because he was left alone for a few more hours and climbing all over me, knocking over water and slamming doors and walking across computer screens.

They should thank my friend Meryl at work for introducing me to E-Cigs. But my nerves are still fucking shot.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the day:

Saturday, July 28, 2012

CROSS: A Thing They Nail People To

My comment on the opening ceremonies in London:

"Despite the lack of indigent Indian children, zombies, or heroin addicts, I found Danny Boyle's Olympic opening ceremonies to be a rousing success."

**And there is silence**

Look up Danny Boyle on imdb, people.   See his filmography?  Get it?  No?  Well, that would explain why I sometimes feel like Bill Murray (that's feel "like", not "up"; that would be my sister).

I amuse myself endlessly; case in point: this is my favorite board on Pinterest.

One of these days, I will find my soulmate who gets me completely, and shares my impeccable sense of humor.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just have to settle for the Rottenator and my sister, who at least appreciate some of, and accept most of my hilariousness.

Beginning day 3 with no cigarettes, and still down 7 pounds; might even try my hand at swimming today while doing chores.

And the Nooge has gotten into the habit of waking me at 5am every morning by milking me, or making biscuits as we in the South sometimes refer to it.

The video above accurately portrays our morning routine, except for the fact that there are no boobs and less facial hair and more sunlight because it is not 5 fucking AM.

I'm also calling around to vets today; next week it shall be snip snip time for the Rottenator Nooge.

My Mood  Ring(tone) of the day (in honor of the Olympics; this song always does send shivers down my spine in a good way)...


Thursday, July 26, 2012


So, obviously, I can only diet when the Rottenator is at work, because on his days off, he likes to frequent the buffets which I do not enjoy on the whole, but I am powerless to resist any offer of food, especially when it is in abundance.


I'm also unable to resist free food, and there was an ice cream social at work today, so of course I partook. 

Did I stop with one scoop of vanilla ice cream?  Did I bypass the ice cream in favor of the fresh fruit which was also being offered?

Oh, please, honestly?  Don't be silly; of course I made a big ass sundae complete with strawberry, chocolate, and caramel sauce, topped by Butterfinger bits, peanuts and whipped cream.

I am weak.  I can't wait to step on the scale tomorrow and see my weight-loss of seven pounds being stripped away in a matter of seconds.

But I didn't dissolve into true madness after counting up my calories on My Fitness Pal and come home and devour pepperoni slices, Tostitos Hint of Lime chips with dill dip, or even an Oatmeal Cream Pie.  I was even honest with my 350 calorie surplus and my lack of water intake. 

And I stopped eating for the night.  I also have not had a cigarette today, so I can officially say this is my first day of not smoking.  Yes, I vaped to get my nicotine fix, and although it is not a perfect solution it is certainly better than the alternatives.

Which are lung cancer, emphysema, heart disease, and murder (of loved ones and innocent strangers).

So, I consider today a relative success.

Also, my tulip tree is blooming again, which is a wonderful surprise, because it bloomed once over the spring, then we had a hard freeze, which turned all the beautiful flowers black with a quickness.  I didn't expect to see them again until next season, but here is proof that this god forsaken summer hasn't killed all of nature's beauty.

I really wish I had a better camera and a better cell phone, but you get the idea of how pretty this bloom is I hope.

All for now, long day, but tomorrow is casual day at work so I get to dress comfortably, and it's Friday, yay!

My Mood  Ring(tone) of the day:

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Clean Sweep

It's funny, when I first started this entry, the opening line was going to be: "Man, I wish there was a Batman premiere every day!" but the I was quickly reminded by my brain of how inappropriate this would be considering what happened in Colorado, so I had to take a step back and rethink my intro.

Because, yes, despite outward appearances, sometimes there is a bit of thought that goes into these entries.

To clarify what I originally meant, my ill-timed and inappropriate phrase has not so much to do with the film (although it was AWESOME with a capital SAUCE, more on that later), but the mood of the Rottenator since then.

It's like he's a whole new person.  A pleasant person in a good mood who is actually...helpful, and generous, dare I say.

Oh, believe me, I know that this is temporary insanity on his part, but damn, I have been enjoying the hell out of it.  After the movie, we went to eat at PF Changs (again! I love that place, so this was fabulous, and we got great service and free food...again!), then hit the mall, where I got a new pair of kicks.

Reeboks; on clearance, 50% off, and cute to boot!

Then Sunday, it was laundry day, but we went out again(!) and I got three new shirts, and he didn't even bitch (that much) about the amount of $ I spent at the grocery store, AND he made dinner Sunday, AND he washed a sinkfull of dishes, AND he vacuumed the living room.

(Of course, he expected to be thanked profusely and worshipped for performing these three chores that I perform without anyone noticing on a daily basis with hardly any thanks whatsoever, but hey, it's cool, because his participation really was appreciated).

This change in personality can only be attributed to the release of this movie he's been waiting a year to see combined with our recent two-income household (relative) wealth, so on the whole, it was a good weekend.

That being said, I have come to recently realize that if I don't get at least one chill day on my days away from work, I am freakin' exhausted come Monday.  I mean, seriously, yesterday, I fell asleep at around 9:30pm and was a zombie at work.  All because Saturday, we had an activity filled day, and then Sunday, it was chore day.

I don't know whether to attribute this to my advanced age, my lack of in-shapeness, or my mental instability, but it is not cool.  I'm still a little wiped out today, quite frankly, and I find this unacceptable.  How to change it, I don't know.  This weekend will be better, because the Rottenator has to work, so I will have at least Sunday to chill.  Maybe this just means that my relationship to God is getting closer, because even He needed a break on the 7th day, right?

So, I mentioned PF Chang's and the free food, right?  Okay, check it: again, yesterday, me, exhausted, I knew the Rottenator was covered food-wise with his leftover stew, and we had a whole meal of Wok-Seared Beef with my name on it waiting for me in our fridge last night.  I was practically salivating, because I didn't have to cook dinner, I didn't have the energy to cook dinner, and all I wanted was to go home and nuke my delicious PF Chang's and enjoy a delicious meal.  I had been thinking about it since, oh, noon, when I had a very unsatisfying Lean Cuisine that did more to piss me off than it did to fill me up.

So, I get home.  I ask the Rottenator: "So, you're having stew for dinner, right?" 
Rottenator: "Yeah."
Me:  "Oh good, then I'm going to change into fancy pants and heat up that PF Chang's."
R: "Uh..."
M: "What, did you eat it?  You said you were having stew!"
R: "It smelled funny...I threw it out".

Again, I would like to direct your attention to this clip of Ross from Friends:

Um...so...yeah.  The Rottenator has a thing about food.  And it's totally fucked up when you think about it.  He doesn't like leftovers, it's like he was poisoned in a former life or something, and he won't eat anything that's a day old, or has been sitting out for more than 30 seconds, or that has an expiration date less than 30 days away.  What doesn't make sense is that this boy will also happily stuff his face at any buffet with the words Golden, Ryan's, Duke's or Eastern in front of it and not think twice about how long it's been sitting there festering on a hotplate under lukewarm lights, or how many booger filled hands have played with the cookies and dove face forward into the chocolate fountain.

OH, and the boy doesn't throw ANYTHING away.  We have collections of empty deodorant bottles, body spray, baby powder (yes, he uses baby powder; he has delicate skin and "chafes easily") and crockpots sitting in the fridge with two tablespoons of beef stew broth sitting in it.

Yet he throws away my Chinese food.  Mine.  Despite that I have tried to explain to him on numerous occasions that I am a fat girl with deep-seeded food possession issues (translation: all the food on the planet is mine, whether it's yours or not, whether I want to eat it or not, it's mine.  You may borrow or ask for it and I will give it to you, as long as I am promised a replacement ASAP.  I know, it's a problem.  I'm working on it).  It would be okay if I could make sense of his mindset at all, but I can't.  Other than to explain it away as:
  • He doesn't care because it doesn't directly concern him so fuck it, chuck it.
  • He is lazy and does not like to clean, and that far outweighs his need to throw away things that offend him.
Whatever, it was a minor irritation during what was an overall success of a weekend so I'll overlook it...once again.  But that doesn't mean his precious Little Debbie snacks were not threatened.

Back to Batman:  the film is amazing.  Absolutely brilliant, and I love Christopher Nolan, not only for his eloquent and heartfelt statement about the tragedies in Colorado but also because in this film, which could have easily been a testosterone fueled joy-ride, he let the heroines shine.

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman is so bad ass Buffy-level fierce, I adore her. And highly recommend seeing this movie if for nothing else, to take some power away from the truly insane and evil events that transpired in our country.

And now for the unnecessary pictures of the Nooge, who is driving me batshit crazy as usual.

Attached to the curtain (note that I am taking pictures, yet offering no assistance):

Watching Maru, because everyone loves Maru:

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Friday, July 20, 2012

Flower Power

Remember this?  Yeah, well, this is the result of all my blood, sweat & tears:

That's it.  Out of the hundreds, nay, thousands, of seeds I planted a single flower bloomed.

I'm not even gonna post a picture of my disgusting mosquito-infested swamp pond.  Needless to say, the incessant heat and lack of rain this season has not been kind to my garden.


Maybe next year.

So, the new Batman movie opened last night:

and unless you've been living under a rock for the past 24 hours, you know about what went down in Colorado at the midnight premiere. And all I have to say about that is...what the fuckity fuck America?  Jesus Christ, seriously?!?!  Other than that, words fail me.  Everyone from the news media to the person sitting in the cube at work next to you has a theory/thought/opinion on this and what should happen next, and how it should be handled to the point that I'm not even going to get into it here because this is not that kind of blog or forum for dealing with something so horrific and tragic.  And, obviously, it has nothing to do with me, so, therefore, I shall move on.  Other than to say that I just...don't...get...it.

That being said, the Rottenator and I are going to see the movie tomorrow (what's that you say?  Two date nights in two three weeks?  That must be some kind of record?  It is!) and I am still looking forward to it mostly because the Rottenator doesn't have a lot of things he gets excited about (other than Alabama football) but this is one of them, so it should be a good day...and I will try to ignore the very slight feeling of apprehension I'm getting over the thought of possible copycats hanging outside the theatre waiting to mow us down.  If it's our time to go, it's our time.  If it's my time...I shall try to use the Rottenator as a shield as much as possible.

I hope you all have good weekends, too, and I wish you many happy date nights of your own.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day: (is totally random, but this song just popped into my head while I was at work today and I remembered how much I love it).

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

What's New, Pussycat?

So, this happened:

Luckily, I did indeed pass my own work test, so I can relax now for about six weeks until the next one...whatever, but it's over.

Speaking of work, my new BFF work buddy Meryl* is also a smoker, but has started the transition to E-cigs and she let me test smoke one of hers for a few days and let me just say...I really love it.

It's semi-stylish, and it gets the job done.  A quick little nicotine buzz without all the nasty smell, smoke, and carcinogenics, just as bad (good?) for you as a diet cherry pepsi...which I am also trying to phase out in the form of water.

Soon, I will have no more vices...with the exception of peanut butter & jelly ice cream.

So, my sister has introduced me to MyFitnessPal which I'm going to give a try; it's a free calorie and exercise tracker so I hope to lose this extra 30-40lbs before my regaining gets out of control.  It seems reasonable enough; now all I have to do is really get serious about counting my calories and doing something about this because I'm really getting angry with myself.  I've been eating so much, and so often, I've almost forgotten what it's like to feel really hungry.  I'm more accustomed to what it feels like to be uncomfortably full, which is certainly not healthy.

You know what's also not healthy?  Cats on kitchen counters.

Oh, hai, welcome to Kitty Yoga!   

Let me just clean up a bit first then we'll get started!
The Rottenator is already talking about having second thoughts about the "snip snip".  I, however, am counting the days.  I wonder if they offer a two-for-one deal (or would it be considered four-for-two?)

*not her real name, but she's as fabulous and dramatic as a young Meryl Streep, so that's how I shall refer to her.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Take Me Down To Funky Town

Not quite the same thing, but you get the idea.  I have been in a funk the past few days.  Without going into specific details, it probably has something to do with this which is all I can attribute to the unbearable pain I've been in.  Yes, it's all fun and games until it becomes a big pain in the butt..ba da bump.

I have been under a lot of stress lately.  First world stress problems, but still.  Between the Nooge, who is completely out of control, the Rottenator who has not yet recognized that I'm now working full time too and he needs to step up his contributions to keeping up the house, and the new job, which is scary, unknown territory that is punctuated by tests.

That's right, tests.  As in "pass this test or get fired" kind of tests.  My first one is tomorrow, and although it's not the one that could lead to my unemployment, it is still worrisome because I hate to fail anything.  And, it's been about a million years since I've actually had to take a test that didn't involve blood sugar levels, blood pressure, drugs, you get the idea.

Not that I don't test well, I do, but this material that we're learning is not something that I'm comfortable with; it doesn't come second nature to me, translation: it has to do with math, and forms and figures, all things that I've avoided at all costs my entire life because math is hard, y'all.

So all of this combined stress is leading to the physical breakdown of my body which is leading to the mental breakdown of my brain, which is not good for tomorrow, and is not good for my psyche, because when I don't feel good physically, I tend to get depressed.  I tend to get maudlin and reflective ("I'm so old, what have I done with my life, look at where other people are at my age, why have I fucked up so badly, put myself in such a hole I'll be struggling to get my way out until I'm dead, why haven't I accomplished a damn thing, or made a difference, or been important, why did I let my dreams die?").

Et cetera.

And btw, Facebook does NOT help with this, because when I get in this kind of a mood, I do the worst possible thing which is to look up all my old friends and acquaintances from high school and college and check out their status updates...and compare my life to theirs...and comparatively, my life sucks ass (there it is again).

And when I'm like this, there's really nothing that anyone can say that will make me feel better...well, that's not entirely true.  There probably is something that someone somewhere can say only they haven't said it to me yet.  And God knows the Rottenator, bless his heart, is the WORST at offering words of comfort (and wisdom, for that matter):

"You just can't let it get to you."

Really?  REALLY?  THIS from the boy who has been known to throw an Xbox controller across a room and stomp off because he lost a stupid football game.  A VIDEO football game.  Okay, yeah, I'll just let it go and "not let it get to me".

And the Nooge...*sigh*. It has been a loooong time since I've had a kitten, and now I remember why.  My last cat, Chairman Miao (angel) was big, fat, lazy, and super chillaxed.  This...kitten...is insane.  Like, insane to the point that he's taking me with him.  He is one big bitey clawy mess of spastic energy that gives me a nervous tick whenever I look at him.  It is constant.  He will not leave me alone for anything.  3am, he's in my face, he sleeps on my pillow, he eats my feet, he's all over my computer, my food, everything.  It sounds cute, but the state that I'm in, I want to open the door and just let him barrel out of it.

I'm so stressed out this 3 lb. furball has me in tears...literally.  He just...has...to...calm...down.  I can't take it.  There's a reason I never have children...I don't like babies.  Of any kind, obviously.  Too much trouble and mess.

So, there's all that.  And instead of studying, I'm writing this blog.  Because at least writing will help me find the humor in some of this right now.  And life with the Nooge isn't all bad....there is at least a 15 minute period of the day when it's actually pleasant.

Yes, this entry is indeed asstastic..asscentric, even.

And because I'm feeling nostalgic (translation: old and broke down), I've picked a video to match.  It reminds me of the kind of high school I always wanted to go.  The kind of high school that only existed on movie screens and in the mind of John Hughes (RIP).

My Mood Ring(tone) Of the Day:

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Shades of Ginger

"Come hither, Woman."

"What did we say about you on the bed?  Get down!"

"Why can't you be more like Him?  Him carries me in here and places me me gently on the pillow so I don't lose a claw in the mattress as I'm climbing up the side."

"If it were up to me, you'd lose all of your claws when you lose two other unnecessary things in a few weeks.  Snip snip!"

"What are these these 'things' and this 'snip snip' that you speak of?"

"Nevermind.  Bed...You...Off...Now!"


"No buts.  In fact, it's because I'm tired of waking up with fuzzy butts in my face that I demand you sleep somewhere else.  Go!"

"God Dammit.  Just promise not to qwop it up."

"I promise nothing."

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Oh hey, Aunt Flo, how have you been?

Let's just go ahead and file this post under TMI, mmmkay?

So, yeah, while I'm still convinced that I'm suffering from the early onset of Alzheimer's Perimenopause, I did have a surprise visitor this past holiday which was a not so much a pleasure as it was a relief.  The main reason I'm documenting this is so that I'll be able to accurately track my monthly cycles, because unlike when I was younger and could pinpoint my body's timeclock to the millisecond (every 28 days right on cue), now these visits are few and far between and I'm in that weird stage of "is this menopause or am I pregnant?"  Kinda like Blanche Devereaux from the Golden Girls.

And the fact that I'm even referencing the Golden Girls makes it pretty obvious to me which one it probably is.

In any event, as is often the case, this was really inconvenient timing on my body's part because I actually got to have a date night with the Rottenator this past Friday which in itself is a miracle (not unlike the miracle of childbirth, which is also painful and only occurs every 9 months).

We went to eat at Carrabba's which was fantastic, and saw the movie Brave, which was also enjoyable; surprisingly enough the Rottenator didn't hate it too much either.  And he let me refer to it as our "date night" which is something he NEVER does because in his mind "we're way past the dating stage".

Really?  Huh...cuz my thinking is that with a few more date nights and a bit more help around the house, perhaps I wouldn't be so fucking exhausted all the time and I would actually feel like going through the motions of practicing that people usually do in order to have a baby, and that might not be an issue that much longer anyway, so WTF, stop sitting on your ass playing online football all the time and perhaps get up and change a lightbulb for Christ's sake if you want a piece of this!

But I digress.  What I mean to say is that it's truly amazing the difference having two full-time incomes makes in determining someone's frame of mind.  Yeah, I know that money is not supposed to buy happiness, but NOT having money is a sure fire way to ensure a ton of stress and strain on an already volatile relationship, lemme tell ya.

Bottom line:  things are going very well for us right now, and I do thank the higher powers for that every day and I am appreciative and grateful even though I tend to bitch about everything.  But I wouldn't be me if I wasn't a bitch.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy Christmas! No...wait...

Not yet, but today means Xmas is that much closer, so with that in mind, Happy 4th of July!!!

Today signifies an important event in our nation's history in that it marks the anniversary of when we declared independence from Rule Britannia and dropped the superlative "U's" from all of our words, such as colour, flavour, and favour and also ensured that I would spend extra dollars ($) versus pounds (£) on things such as Walker's Prawn Cocktail Crisps, McVitie's Jaffa Cakes, and copies of the NME.  Alas, pip pip and whatnot.

Today also marks an anniversary of sorts for the Rottenator in that a year ago he made an important decision to get healthier, and has stuck with it, and for this, I am very proud of him.  He's come a long way, baby.  Hell, we both have, so pass the chips!

To celebrate, he bought himself some fancy new underwear:

Against my better judgement, and to the horror of fashion experts every where.  Here he is showing them off while posing in his Coca-cola fancy pants (what else?)


And dress blues:

Hey, you never know when you might be invited to dinner with the Queen, or the President even.  It's important to always be prepared.

And because I am the most awesome of the awesomest people ever, I made him holiday chicken and dumplings.  My gesture has nothing to do with the fact that I am now dieting due to returning from El Paso about 5 lbs (not British) heavier (which was lovingly pointed out by a caring family member, thanks, mom!) and hate c&d so therefore I won't be tempted to eat them, and everything to do with the fact that I'm just so damn sweet.

And because I'm sweet, I will share this crockpot recipe with you.  It's very easy in that like most crockpot recipes, you throw everything in at the same time.  Now, you will find other recipes that will tell you to add the biscuits in towards the end, but I always find that doing that leaves the dough raw and uncooked, so I put everything in at once.  Might have something to do with the fact that our crockpot is a fast cooker (recipes that say 6 hours on low take 4 hours in ours, etc.) so all I can say is that this works for us, and the c&d connoisseur in our house says that it's one of the best, so take it as you will.

Crockpot Chicken and Dumplings


2 lbs boneless/skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite sized pieces
1 half onion, chopped
Two 10.5oz cans condensed cream of chicken soup
Two 14.5oz cans chicken broth
1 small can (about 6) refrigerated buttermilk biscuits (like Pillsbury Grands Jr), cut into bite sized pieces
salt & pepper to taste (I use a mix of salt, lemon pepper, garlic powder, and Lawry's seasoning salt)

Lightly grease crockpot with cooking spray (like Pam), add chicken and onions, and season with salt & pepper mix.  Give it a good stir to coat everything.

Add in two cans of condensed cream of chicken soup and one can of chicken broth. Drop in torn biscuit pieces, then add second can of chicken broth.  Carefully spoon liquid over dumplings to ensure that they are covered, then pop on the lid and set to low.

In our crockpot on low, this is usually done in about 6 hours, if on high, it's done in four.

Enjoy!  Or, if you're like me, watch someone else enjoy while you passively-aggressively digest your Lean Cuisine.

Have a Happy Holiday!

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day: