Pretty much sums it up...

I am not necessarily political, but seriously Republicans, get the fuck over yourselves. The Affordable Healthcare Act is a fucking LAW.

I have never been embarrassed to be an American until now.  These fuckers that run our country have shut down our government (whilst getting paid their own salaries mind you) and 800,000 federal workers are either furloughed or being told they are going to work without pay.

Blows my fucking mind how obviously racist and classist this country still is.

Just see this, people.  And do it if you can.  The Bloggess puts it together so much more eloquently than I ever could.

On a personal note, went to visit my sister this weekend to celebrate what my niece claims is her 8th birthday, but you never know with this child, everything that comes out of her mouth I take with a grain of salt.

Don't trust those baby blue eyes

It was a good visit.  It's been a good week, actually.  Good to have one before the pre-op (boo!) stuff next week.

Oh, and we had a potluck at work, and I took the infamous pickle dip, and it went over like gangbusters, so here is the recipe.  You can thank me afterwards.

8 oz cream cheese, softened
16 oz sour cream
1 tsp garlic salt
1 jar refrigerated pickle spears (preferably Claussen)

Whisk together room temp cream cheese and sour cream until smooth.  Roughly chop pickles (do not use a processor; hand chop into bite sized chunks).  Add chopped pickles to sour cream/cream cheese mixture.


Refrigerate overnight; serve with sturdy plain potato chips.  Stand back and prepare to be in awe.

Cheapest, best potluck recipe ever.

Until next time, here is my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Occasionally, I watch the news...to my dismay

Normally I would not comment on things in the world that do not concern me, but I do feel a bit moved to express my opinions on a recent topic of interest:

Oh, I have such mixed feelings about Ms. Paula Dean.  I loved her whole story when she first started: she had the whole agoraphobia, abusive husband, made her success on her own (which I still admire, btw) thing going for her, and sincerely, her recipes are the shit.  As in, her food is fucking delicious, and I own many of her cookbooks...because I am Southern...and engaged to a very Southern boy...and I like my fried foods.  And a lot of Paula's recipes satisfy that very comforting "food I grew up on" hole that occasionally needs to be filled.  Sometimes you just crave peach cobbler with a gallon of butter, or a dinner of deep fried everything, you just do.

So I was torn when Mr. Tony Bourdain, who I have also LONG loved...(as in "have a huge crush on, and had Kitchen Confidential long before he became a Food Network/Travel Channel/CNN "star" yes, I am one of those "I knew them before" people) attacked her...via Twitter, no less (even though he was SO right, damn you Tony!)

But I understood.  I mean, Paula was kinda shifty/shady when it came to the whole diabetes revelation thing.  And Tony also reminds me of one of those angst-ridden "takes his craft so seriously everyone else is just a sell-out and I'm still edgy and holding on to my youth, man" people that I now, as a middle-aged ex-goth, want to punch in the face.  Grow up.  You are a sell-out. But at least I can admit that I admire you with no shame or embarassment.

Since moving back from the big city of Atlanta, back home, to my own Southern roots, and living with a VERY southern man, I've come to reevaluate a lot of things in my life.  I'm not nearly as cosmopolitan as I used to be.  I embrace biscuits and gravy, fried chicken, peach cobbler, all of that ultimately Southern "soul" food that would as soon stop your heart as look at you.

So Paula's recipes have come in quite handy.  That, I appreciate.

This whole new thing that's happening with her.  It is a mess.  If it is true that she said the things that she said, it is wrong, and it is offensive, but the woman did not lie.  The only difference between Paula Dean and a lot of southern women her age who live down here is that they are not in the public eye when they used that word.  My own grandmother, who spent the last years of her life in a nursing home being tended to by the kindest, most generous attendants on the planet, referred to them with such the same word.  Of course, she was in her 80s, and Paula is in her 60s, so is that an excuse?  No.  But it is a reality.

I agree that Paula should be called out for the things that she has said; she should know better.  And it pains me to know that things like this still happen; actually, I am quite appalled.  But not surprised.

Delving deeper into the whole affair, and reading Paula's transcripts, it is no better or worse than anything else you'd ever hear down here on a normal every day.  Take that as you will.

All I can say is that she is of the old school.  Not that that's any excuse, because there are also other people her age who were born and raised in the South who have realized the error of their ways, but then again, there are those that don't.  But I also feel that prejudice exists everywhere.  And it is not more predominant in the South; just a bit more reported.

But moving on:

I have mixed thoughts about Edward Snowden, and I my one wish in life is that I go out like James Gandolfini: good food, good wine, quick heart attack, boom, peace out.  And it kind of freaks me out just a little that he was only 10 years older than me when he did check out.

 My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

It's Chicken, Mate

Incidentally, do you know how difficult it is to post anything with 20 lbs of solid cat wallowing all over you?  Actually...some of you probably do...

Moving on...

Look at this fine slop of mess we have right here!

Okay, so we took a welcomed break from our current Hamburger Helper/Sloppy Joe/Rice and Beans diet to splurge a little on one our favorite meals.

Behold...Alice Springs Chicken...copy cat version!

This is in no way healthy, or low in calories, or in any way good for you, but ehrmagerd, it is sooo good!

It's a homemade version of the excellent Outback dish, and bonus, it will allow you to order a steak or the prime rib at Outback without wasting your money on a chicken dish...at a steakhouse.  That is ridiculous in itself.

So, there are many versions of this recipe online, and I have combined a few to make my favorite...well, that's a lie.  It's not really my favorite, because my favorite entails homemade honey mustard dressing, but this one is quick and easy, and thus, it has become my new favorite, especially during the week, when I am exhausted and time is of the essence.

Okay, that's also a lie, because you do kinda have to start this recipe the night before, but not too much prep, I promise.

Ingredients:

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1/2 c. Worcestershire sauce
8 oz button mushrooms (or any mushrooms, really), sliced
8 slices of bacon
1 bottle honey-mustard dressing (I used Ken's, 16 oz)
8 oz Monterrey jack cheese
non-stick cooking spray
1 T. butter

The night before, place chicken breasts in a plastic Ziploc bag and pound the hell out of them until they're about 1" thick.  Pour in Worcestershire sauce, and let the chicken marinate overnight.

The next day:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Get a 9x11 baking dish (glass or metal, whatever).  Spray that bad boy down with the cooking spray.  Set aside.

In a non-stick pan, melt butter and saute mushrooms until nice and soft, about 5 min.  Set aside.

In same pan, fry 8 slices of bacon until crisp, set aside.  When it's cooled down, crumble up into bacon-bit sized pieces.  Let it remain...aside.

Next, pour off excess marinade from chicken and brown in same skillet where you just fried the bacon (told ya it wasn't healthy), 3-4 min each side.

Place chicken breasts in baking dish.

Pour honey mustard dressing over each breast.  Next, add sauteed mushrooms. Next, add bacon. Next, cover with cheese.

Cover with tin-foil and bake about 25 min.

Ta-day!  Deliciousness! Enjoy; we certainly did.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

God, how I love Angel...I mean Booth...I mean, David Boreanaz...well, not so much the last one.

Incidentally, this is "our" song; I'm talking about me and the Rottenator...although, he's probably not as sentimental about it as I am.  I've been a bit irritated with him lately; I'd like to say it was because he was being an asshole, but it's more likely that I've just been in a bitchy mood.

My Magical Crockpot of Deliciousness: Beef Stew

The Rottenator does love his stew.  And I welcomed the opportunity to cook something other than Hamburger Helper or Beans and Rice so today's meal of Beef Stew was a happy change of pace.

Behold...

My apologies to Riot Kitty; this one ain't for you ;-)


What you'll need:

2 lbs of stew meat
1 lb red potatoes, cubed, skins on
2 celery hearts, roughly chopped
1 large sweet onion, roughly chopped
1 pt cherry tomatoes, sliced
1 pkg baby carrots, pre-washed and peeled
1 envelope Lipton's Onion Soup mix
1 can cream of mushroom and roasted garlic soup
2 T. flour
2 T. olive oil
1/4 c. Worcestershire sauce
1/4 c. Dale's steak sauce
Seasonings to taste (I'm not giving measurements, because we are a family that loves salt, but really between the soup mix, sauces, and soup you really don't need anymore...but you can't be Southern and not add some Lawry's...)
salt
pepper
garlic powder
non-stick cooking spray (like Pam)

Heat 2 T. olive oil in a pan; sprinkle flour, Lawry's seasoned salt, pepper, and garlic powder over stew meat and toss to coat.

Lightly brown stew meat in pan for seriously, 2-3 min, just enough to seal in those delicious juices.

Spray crockpot with non-stick cooking spray, and throw that stew beef in there.

Chop veggies and throw them all in a big tupperware bowl, lightly salt and pepper and stir to mix them all up.  Or pop a top on that bowl and turn it upside down and shake until they're all mixed up and pretty.

In another bowl, pour in worchestershire sauce and Dale's; add soup mix and whisk together.  Next, add can of soup, whisk some more until it's smooth.

Throw half of the veggies into the crockpot on top of the stew meat.  Add half of your soupy mixture.

Throw the remaining half of veggies into the crockpot, and the rest of the soup sludge.

Top on top of crockpot, cook 6-8 hours, depending on your crockpot.  This is my first time trying out my sister's hand-me-down crockpot and she says it's a fast-cooking one, so I'm going for six. It actually took about 8 hours for the potatoes and carrots to get completely done...

Now, a lot of people love crockpots because you can just leave it.  I like to check on it every two hours and give it another stir, but that's me.  And that's why this meal is best made on a weekend.

Back to work tomorrow, blech!  But it's a paycheck that brings me that much closer to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter so I will endure...

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day...and this one is dedicated to Riot Kitty because she recently reminded me of one of my favorite movies, and what it is like to grow old gracefully and fabulously.

Genetics

This is my daddy...

This is my niece...

We always debated over where Victoria got her spectacular blue eyes from, and that unique impish expression, and finally have photographic proof.

Genetics are a hell of a thing.  I miss my dad; it's been nearly 20  years since he passed away of "the cancer" (always said in a whisper) and I still think about him constantly.  How things would be different.  And how he would love his grandchildren, especially that little supastah up there.

My nephew turned 11 years old yesterday, and my mom and I travelled to my sister's house to celebrate this momentous occasion.

This is the birthday boy:

Yet I remember him when he was like this:

And even younger.  Man, I'm old.

This kid is awesome, btw. All of my sister's kids are.  Thank God she had some to carry on the family line because I sure as hell wasn't going to.

I can barely handle a Nooge and a Rottenator.

Such is life.

My sister, btw, is a cupcake genius.  Check out these badboys:

And they were delish. The Rottenator and I are on a budget to save up for a second car so currently I am no longer concocting delicious dishes (unless you count Hamburger Helper or Beans and Rice as delish, and why would you) so I am living vicariously through the sis's creativity.

And am massively impressed.

Meanwhile, it's St. Paddy's (not Patty's) Day and to honor my forefathers, here are my Mood Ring(tones) Of The Day:  (and oh yes, there are more than a few...)

And who could forget...

Amused Douche

Can we just take a second to discuss the Top Chef finale?

Let me just back up a moment to say that this is my favorite show on television; I have been a devotee since the very beginning, when Harold Dieterle won way back in 2005, way before the world was introduced to the semi-delights of one Padma Lakshmi.

I have suffered through the Hoseas ,the Kevins, and still...I love this show.  And not just because Tom Colicchio has the most amazing blue eyes since Ian Somerhalder.

But this year, the finale, I don't know...

First off, I am thrilled that there is finally another female Top Chef; it has been a long time coming since Stephanie Izard won back in 2008.  And Kristen totally deserved the win...but I disagree with the voting process this year.


Even though it did include my latest celebrity chef crush, Hugh Acheson, as one of the judges.

This year it was based on a round by round comparison; there was no debate at the end of the 5 course meal, there was a death by elimination factor wherein the judges decided there on the spot which dish was better.  And whoever had the best three out of five was automatically deemed the next Top Chef.

So Kristen won after round four. And Brooke never even got a chance to present her final dish.  So, what, Top Chef is suddenly a death match?

This is where my  mother and I disagree; she approved of the new format, stating, fairly, that normally during the debate portion of the program, certain judges can thereby exert their opinion on other, weaker-willed, easily persuaded judges, and proclaim the winner of their choice.

Fair enough.  But I always enjoy the debate. But I guess the bottom line is this: Tom Colicchio always gets his way.  And he's always right.

And it's near time for Top Chef Masters.  The scary part: Kathie Lee Gifford is signed up to be a guest judge.  *sigh*

Here's hoping this show doesn't jump the shark.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of the Day:

Chicken Soup is Good For the Soul

So, I would post a picture of this latest and greatest recipe, but my cell phone never does my food justice, so I won't.  Let us just say I made a chicken soup in the crockpot tonight that was awesome.  And, better yet, delish!

To start: everything is chopped up into bite-sized pieces, and this meal is very economical if your grocery store is having a sale on chicken breasts, and you feel up to deboning and skinning the breasts yourself...which I was:

4 lb. chicken breasts
1 can Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup with Garlic
1 can Campbell's Cream of Chicken with Herbs
6 Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled, chopped
6 carrots, peeled, chopped
6 celery ribs, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
1/2 c. chicken broth

Lawry's seasoning salt, pepper, garlic powder, Italian seasoning mix, season to taste.

Throw everything into a crockpot and 6 hours later...ta dah!  Yummy chicken soup.  I served it with some of those Pillsbury frozen biscuits and it was a perfect effortless meal for a cold day.

Chicken soup: it's good for what ails you.

I've been using my crockpot more than usual because my oven is on the fritz..  I'm totally pissed about it because it's an older oven, and it seems the temperature is slightly off but I can't figure out if it's running too high or too low.  My biscuits get burned, and my casseroles aren't cooked through so bottom line: I look like I don't know how to cook, which is a complete outrage. We're currently renting our house, so technically, it is our landlord's responsibility for having something like this fixed, but short of it breaking, or me taking a sledgehammer to it,  I don't see the situation being remedied anytime soon, so I'll make do, I suppose.

You see, I am a really good cook.  I mean, it's one of the few things I excel at, and enjoy.  I find it relaxing and rewarding to lose myself in a recipe and forget about all life's other annoyances while I focus on combining ingredients in such a way that the end result is something that will bring enjoyment and pleasure to others.

I think I was an Italian grandmother in a former life.

It's one of the few things in my life that shouldn't feel like such a challenge.  Work is challenging enough.

Haven I mentioned that I cannot wait until Feb. 1 which is the end of tax filing season?

Bottom line: what does this have to do with me going to Orlando to see The Wizarding World of Harry Potter?  Not a damn thing.

I'm currently watching season 2 of American Horror Story (I highly recommend!) so:

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

What Can I Say, Bitch Can Cook...And Clean

So, my traditional Southern New Year's Spread turned out to be a smashing success, if I do say so myself.

Ham, Hoppin' John (with black eyed peas and sausage), cornbread and collard greens.  Assured to bring good luck and wealth in the New Year.

It'd damn well better because I cooked and cleaned my ass off today.

I am the superstitious sort and so I succumb to the ritualistic portions of the holidays, in this case, being you should ingest some sort of greens and corn to ensure wealth (dollars and cents), the black eyed peas for luck, and the pork...well, everything tastes better with a little pork, doesn't it?  Though surprisingly, chicken isn't part of this holiday tradition.  I guess it's because fried chicken is part of every Sunday southern supper, so you switch it up with pork on special occasions to get all fancy.

No champagne toast, those are a thing of my past, but a day's worth of cleaning because this signifies a clean sweep of the year before and starting off the next one brand new, as it were.

And I vacuumed and swept and laundered my heart out today, which is why I am exhausted and it's only 6:30pm.

But I feel better looking at a clean house; in the past I never really understood the phrase "cluttered surroundings, cluttered mind" but it makes sense.  There's less stress when everything is neat and tidy.

So I enjoyed my mopped and swept floors for a few hours until the Rottenator and the Nooge awoke and then, inevitably, chaos and mess ensued.

The Rottenator spent the day watching football and playing video games.  I hope he's enjoying the last day of his vacation because I sure as hell am ready for him to go back to work.  It's frustrating when his version of a vacation is exactly that: not doing a damn thing.  Literally.  On my few and far between days off there seems like there's always something to do: cleaning, grocery shopping, there's always something.  Must be nice to have someone else worry about those things so you are free to sit on your lazy ass all day playing with yourself and your controller.

A part of me is glad the holidays are over, a part of me is not.  Because now it's back to the same old mundane routine of work, cook, clean, sleep, and so forth.  Nothing really exciting to look forward to unless you count Harry Potter and Universal but September seems so far, far away.

But until then, there's only one thing left to do I guess.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Snooze Year's Eve

I worked all day, came home, made chicken pepperoni for the Rottenator, and checked up on Facebook to see all of the exciting plans that my friends and family had for the evening and realized: this is going to be my life.

For good or for bad, this is it.  I always get down after the holidays; this year is no different.  I'm still sitting her, less than an hour until 2013, hoping that something will happen.  The Rottenator will have tucked away a small surprise, gesture of love or affection, but as he stares transfixed at yet another football game, the likelihood of that happening lessens.

So tomorrow, I will get up, I will clean the house, make the traditional Southern Good Luck New Year meal of ham, collard greens (my first attempt at this hideous concoction), hoppin' john, and cornbread and go to sleep and prepare for another day of work.

Rinse and repeat.

This year, I am sober, relatively healthy, relatively comfortable, and still filled with an unshakable, nagging depression that just won't go away.

I hope it is the holiday blues, and I truly hope that this New Year brings everyone health, happiness, love and life.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

So...very...tired...

I have a lot to say and not a lot of energy to say it.

I am exhausted.   From work, which has kicked into overdrive, and from my own explicable depression during one of my (normally) favorite times of the year.

Yes, I've seen the lights...pictures to follow...if I feel up to it...

And adored them.  But God bless him, though the Rottenator has tried very hard to participate in my (admittedly) insane over-enjoyment of this holiday season, it's just not in him.

He doesn't get it.  He doesn't get Christmas at all.  It does not excite him, enthuse him, or bring him one iota of joy.  At all.  And this kills me.  I just...don't...get it.

I mean, I understand it to a certain extent.  He does not have the happy memories of Christmas and presents and family and presents and Santa and presents and trees and lights and presents that I have.  His memories are unpleasant and heart breaking, and I'm not going to get into all of that here, but I did think that this year, a year that we're doing relatively well financially, one that he participated in at least one holiday family gathering, that he might just show a little more interest in all of the spectacle and pageantry.

But no.  And I don't blame him, I can't blame him, but it doesn't stop me from wanting him to be a different person this time of year.  One that can share in my joy of watching the Grinch, or laugh over Christmas vacation, or cry over the Little Drummer Boy.

The Rottenator is the Grinch.  The Rottenator is Frank Cross.

By the way, Scrooged pretty much tops my list of favorite holiday movies. 

Followed closely by this one; it's a pretty long scene, but go ahead and fast forward to about
1:45 into it.  Oh, it's the best line ever.

Sorry, where was I?  Oh yes, my holiday depression over my job and the Rottenator's lack of Christmas cheer.  Eh, screw it.  I just cheered myself up a bit by watching the clips above so I'm going to quit moaning and bitching and just randomly list some things that are going on with  me right now.

• My job doesn't quite suck but it is mentally draining.  And I'm angry and bitter over the fact that we're working mandatory overtime, we are not getting the free lunches that were promised (unless you count a mini-snickers and a single serving bag of Doritos lunch) and the Rottenator (the boy who hated Christmas) is getting two weeks off from his job.  Life isn't fucking fair.
• The Nooge systematically destroyed all of my Christmas decorations and the Rottenator wouldn't help me hang lights so I ripped down everything, threw the crumpled fake tree into our spare bedroom and dramatically proclaimed this domicile as the "House that Santa Forgot!"
• I picked out my own Christmas present today.  I bought myself a lovely 10 piece set of Better Homes and Gardens pots and pans. I was very generous with myself, and really, I am the best gift giver ever.
• I discovered that using a brush to apply foundation is AMAZING and I am both angry and amazed I have never tried this before.
• I bought myself new makeup brushes and foundation for Christmas.  Do go on, Kathleen, you are far too generous and kind for words.
• I am wrapping everyone's gifts in left-over birthday wrapping paper.  They shall look crappy and not at all festive.  Hell, even if they were wrapped in swaddling clothes like baby Jebus they would still look craptacular.  I am not a good present wrapper.  It's the thought and the gift inside of the box that counts.
•  I have an amazing idea for a new book, as well as a New Year's Resolution I will surely keep.  The title is tentatively called "365 Milkshakes in 365 Days".  I will begin on 01/01/13 and will do a taste test of a different flavor of a milkshake from various establishments and review them all.  This will also set me up for my 2014 New Year's Resolution tentatively called "My Milkshake No Longer Brings All the Boys to the Yard or How I lost 365 pounds in 365 days".

Both ideas are copyrighted, natch.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

So here's the thing...

Two more days of work this week and then I'm off for a lovely Thanksgiving holiday.  I'm really looking forward to it this year, possibly more so than Christmas even.  This probably has something to do with the fact that since my change of career, I won't get much time off for Christmas this year.  And by much, I mean barely any other than Christmas day.

However, I was lucky enough to score the Friday after Turkey Day off so not only am I looking forward to an extended weekend off, this year marks the first time that this guy...

will meet these people...

Needless to say, I am uber excited.  The Rottenator is less enthused.  I believe his comment was, and I quote, "I'd rather poke my eyes out with a dull butterknife."

He is not a social person.  Sociopath, maybe.  Sociable, no.  But it's high time he meet the fam.  I mean, it's pretty obvious he's not going anywhere any time soon and I am very close to my family, so he just needs to suck it up.

Besides, he's gonna be watching a day of college football with a fellow SEC enthusiast who has testicles, so that's gotta be fun, right?  Even though their two teams may just be playing each other for the championship game, but thank God, that's not until December, so that definitely lessens the possibility of smack talk that gets deadly serious.   And luckily we don't own guns. And the alcohol supply will be limited.

And there will be food.  Oh, yes, there will be.

Turkey
Ham
Mac and cheese
Mashed potatoes
Green bean casserole
Stuffing (or dressing, as the rednecks like to call it)
Cranberry Sauce
Cheesecake
Artichoke Dip
Little smokies in bbq sauce

And though the turkey may not be stuffed, I sure as hell will be.

I just hope it doesn't turn out like this.

But if it turned out like this, that would be pretty awesome.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day...

PS: the only version I could find of this was in Italian but if you've seen this movie as many times as I have, you'll know the English by heart.

Happy Christmas! No...wait...

Not yet, but today means Xmas is that much closer, so with that in mind, Happy 4th of July!!!

Today signifies an important event in our nation's history in that it marks the anniversary of when we declared independence from Rule Britannia and dropped the superlative "U's" from all of our words, such as colour, flavour, and favour and also ensured that I would spend extra dollars ($) versus pounds (£) on things such as Walker's Prawn Cocktail Crisps, McVitie's Jaffa Cakes, and copies of the NME.  Alas, pip pip and whatnot.


Today also marks an anniversary of sorts for the Rottenator in that a year ago he made an important decision to get healthier, and has stuck with it, and for this, I am very proud of him.  He's come a long way, baby.  Hell, we both have, so pass the chips!


To celebrate, he bought himself some fancy new underwear:

Against my better judgement, and to the horror of fashion experts every where.  Here he is showing them off while posing in his Coca-cola fancy pants (what else?)


Classic:

And dress blues:

Hey, you never know when you might be invited to dinner with the Queen, or the President even.  It's important to always be prepared.


And because I am the most awesome of the awesomest people ever, I made him holiday chicken and dumplings.  My gesture has nothing to do with the fact that I am now dieting due to returning from El Paso about 5 lbs (not British) heavier (which was lovingly pointed out by a caring family member, thanks, mom!) and hate c&d so therefore I won't be tempted to eat them, and everything to do with the fact that I'm just so damn sweet.


And because I'm sweet, I will share this crockpot recipe with you.  It's very easy in that like most crockpot recipes, you throw everything in at the same time.  Now, you will find other recipes that will tell you to add the biscuits in towards the end, but I always find that doing that leaves the dough raw and uncooked, so I put everything in at once.  Might have something to do with the fact that our crockpot is a fast cooker (recipes that say 6 hours on low take 4 hours in ours, etc.) so all I can say is that this works for us, and the c&d connoisseur in our house says that it's one of the best, so take it as you will.


Crockpot Chicken and Dumplings

Ingredients:

2 lbs boneless/skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite sized pieces

1 half onion, chopped

Two 10.5oz cans condensed cream of chicken soup

Two 14.5oz cans chicken broth

1 small can (about 6) refrigerated buttermilk biscuits (like Pillsbury Grands Jr), cut into bite sized pieces

salt & pepper to taste (I use a mix of salt, lemon pepper, garlic powder, and Lawry's seasoning salt)

Lightly grease crockpot with cooking spray (like Pam), add chicken and onions, and season with salt & pepper mix.  Give it a good stir to coat everything.

Add in two cans of condensed cream of chicken soup and one can of chicken broth. Drop in torn biscuit pieces, then add second can of chicken broth.  Carefully spoon liquid over dumplings to ensure that they are covered, then pop on the lid and set to low.

In our crockpot on low, this is usually done in about 6 hours, if on high, it's done in four.

Enjoy!  Or, if you're like me, watch someone else enjoy while you passively-aggressively digest your Lean Cuisine.

Have a Happy Holiday!

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Sealed With a K.I.S.S.

So...more about my life with a 10 year old's tastebuds.

God knows I love the Rottenator. But God also knows that I love cooking.  Hence the dilemma.

I adore cooking.  I spend hours planning meals, grocery lists, scouring the internet and Pinterest for the best recipes that I lovingly prepare with my own little hands in Bella Cucina for our little family of two (soon to be three, but more on that later).

So imagine my dismay when I proudly present my latest masterpiece and it is met with a tepid response.  Or, even worse, a visible shudder.

My delicate little heart is broken.  Especially because the meals I research are not for me, oh, no, they are intended to delight a certain individual who, despite outward appearances, is a picky eater.

Oh, yes. The Rottenator does not have what I would call a refined palate, but he has a definite list of likes and dislikes.

Likes: chicken, cheese, bbq sauce, bread, with an occasional ground beef or pork chop thrown into the mix, and all-you-can-eat generic buffets.
Dislikes: everything that makes life worth living sour cream, cream cheese, Ranch dressing, mayo, soy sauce, anything healthy.

Therefore, my options are limited, and my creativity is stifled.  And I feel frustrated and stabby instead of appreciated and cherished.

Fine.  I'm making a decision and taking a stand.  If I do continue to feel like cooking after my full-time employment begins, I will implement the following plan: K.I.S.S.  Keep It Simple (for) Stupid.

Yes, I am a little bitter.  That tends to happen when you steal someone's joy.

How I'm feeling today (yes, three videos, one for every letter in PMS):

Thinterest Fail

Now, some are going to call me a hater for dissing all of these Pinners trying to be healthy, and I say to you...yes, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Yes, I understand the desire to be healthy and thin.  Hell, I'm always going on and on about how I want to do that myself.  And I'm going to, dammit.  I hear the Y calling my name as I type this.  First paycheck = Y membership.  I cannot WAIT.

Do not, however, mistake this as an opportunity for you to get it twisted.  Yes, I recognize that in order to get healthier and fitter, my eating habits will have to change.  I will probably employ in the near future some of the techniques and recipes that I am about to mock.

What I will NOT do is lie to you.  I will not claim that the following recipes are "just as good as" or "better than" the real thing.

Because let's face it people:  Pam cooking spray will never be butter.  Skim milk will never be cream.  Stevia will never be sugar.  Crystal Light Appletini Mocktail mix will never be vodka...though it may tempt you into becoming an alcoholic, I don't know, I'm not you.  That's between you and your God.

I have exposed some of these food fabrications in the past, compelling posts proclaiming that tofu is not meat,  much as cauliflower is not real steak.  You know what else cauliflower is not?

Mashed potatoes.  Hey, don't get me wrong, I like cauliflower, I will happily eat it steamed, or munch on it raw with some bad ass dip, but it is NOT the same as mashed potatoes.  Mashed potatoes, really good mashed potatoes, are like a religious experience.  So I'd appreciate it if you didn't desecrate my place of worship (aka my plate) with your false god.  I asked for Yukon gold, not a golden calf, thank you very much.

Hey, you know what else?  Zucchini can not, and will not EVER be pizza crust.  Um...it doesn't even RESEMBLE pizza crust, so what exactly are you trying accomplish here?

I would at least use squash if I were trying to pass this off.  At least squash is no stranger to being a wheat substitute.

That being said:  squash is not even in the same food group as god damn spaghetti!  It just looks like it and nothing, NOTHING you tell yourself is going to change that.  It's like eating a cupcake shaped meatloaf: in the end, it still tastes like meatloaf, and now you've traumatized an innocent 3 year old child.  Congratulations.

Hey guess what?  A box of cake mix, frozen berries and diet 7-up does NOT a cobbler make, despite what Weight Watchers and their Almighty Point System might tell you.

Also, this in no way resembles any fudge I've ever seen, so stop lying to the desperate sweet-toothers out there, American Diabetes Association, with your deceptive pin.

Last I heard, the very definition of the Spanish word "queso" was cheese, so WTF is Veggie Queso?

According to this Pinner, a sludge of white beans, cashews, yeast and coconut milk will deliver to you that same cheesy goodness and save you from the evil cows and their brew of poisonous dairy.

Speaking of insidious and evil vegetarians:

You can thank me now for your nightmares.  You're welcome.  Hey, at least I just showed you a picture of veggie man, at least you're not an 8 year old child and this was your birthday cake because your parents are stupid, self-righteous hipster vegetarians who think that the best gift they could give their future EMO child is the gift of knowledge and healthy eating instead of teaching them the evils of consumerism and corporations like Disney and Warner Brothers so no Ariel or Jasmine, or Harry Potter, or Batman birthday cake for you, son/daughter (we don't buy into gender specific stereotypes anyway)! 

Well, Crunchies, you certainly did teach your child one valuable lesson: the world may be full of its own horrors, but they will never compare to the horrors of middle school and high school.  Those years are difficult enough without you piling on your self righteous crap to ensure that your child will be an outsider, on the fringe, anti-social.  Sure, sometimes you get some really interesting cool kids; the ones of us that do survive being different often become quite successful members of society, and go on to write creative and entertaining blogs for all to read and enjoy.

But you're taking a chance.  Because you know what else may come from being a little "too" different?  You ever see Bowling for Columbine?  Just saying.  Also, you may want to go ahead and reserve your tickets for the sequel to Bully now because I'm pretty sure you just guaranteed your child a starring role.

That concludes today's edition of Pinterest Fails.  You're welcome.

How I'm feeling today:  she may be a diabetic heifer but she's right about one thing:

Millions of Peaches, Peaches for Me

I am not a baker by any means.  Sure, I love to cook, I love creating all sorts of dishes, but there is a massive difference between cooking and baking.

Meaning that baking is an exact science.  Meaning that baking doesn't so much entail a "pinch of this, sprinkle of that" as it means measuring ingredients to the nth degree and not over mixing or opening oven doors or heating ingredients too high so that your end product doesn't end up with craters on the inside, a concave middle, or scrambled eggs instead of a velvety custard.

That being said, there are a few sweet dishes that I am damn good at.  My English Toffee Cheesecake is to die for, my banana bread is moist and scrumptious and my first ever attempt at peach cobbler last year turned out to be spectacular.

First off, let me say, don't judge a dish by its picture, ass holes.  Yeah, I know it doesn't look like all that, but trust me, this shit was amazing, and turned a cobbler lover out of me, a girl who doesn't much care for pies unless they are of the moon variety.

This dish came about as a special request from my mother, and after extensive research on the internet, in magazines, and old cookbooks, I "cobbled" (see what I did there) together the following recipe.

The secrets to making this cobbler a success are: fresh, very ripe, verging on mushy Georgia or SC peaches (I'm on the border of the two states, so these are easy to come by around these parts) and vanilla extract, which perfectly compliments the flavor of the vanilla ice cream that you serve with this warm dish, should you choose to...and I think you should.

Ingredients:
1/2 c. (one stick) unsalted butter
1 c. all purpose flour
2 c. sugar (divided into 1 c. portions each)
1 T. baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 c. milk (I used whole, might as well, it's a dessert, why try to watch calories now)
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 c. fresh (peeled & sliced) peaches (3-4 depending on the size of the peach, I used 4)

Preheat oven to 350°.

In a small saucepan, melt stick of butter.  Pour into bottom of a 13x9-inch casserole dish.

Mix together flour, 1 cup sugar, baking powder & salt in a bowl.  Add milk & vanilla extract and stir just enough to blend.  Pour over melted butter, but don't stir!

In a separate saucepan, bring remaining 1 c. sugar, 1 c. water and peaches to a boil, stirring constantly.

Pour over batter, but again, don't stir!*

Bake for 40-45 min; batter will rise slightly, and the peaches will get all bubbly & syrupy and peek through the batter.  It's supposed to look like the pic above, I was told.  & I chose to believe this because it was so damned tasty.

Enjoy warm or cold, but hot is best with a big ol' scoop of Breyer's vanilla ice cream plopped on top.

*At this point some recipes called for sprinkling cinnamon on top, others called for nutmeg.  I don't really care for the taste of either, so I didn't use it, but if that's your thing, go for it.  Last I heard, it's a free damn country.

Can you tell I'm ready for summer?  Summer fruit, at least, summer heat...not so much.

Oh, and I didn't include serving size:  in this case, it served mostly one hungry should-know-better diabetic mother, but it's a dessert, so my best guess is 8-10 normal sweet eaters.

Rootin' Scootin' Sghetti

This is one of my favorite new recipes, courtesy of Pinterest and one that will definitely make it into our normal rotation.  The secret ingredient: cream cheese, baby.  It is OH so yummy, and the original is here.

It's called Scooter's Spaghetti, how cute is that?

Below is how I prepared the recipe; the only change I would make when preparing this again is to use a 10 oz tub of Philly Italian Cheese & Herb Cooking Creme instead of a block of cream cheese with a dry pack of Italian seasoning, as the original I found a little difficult to spread over the noodles, though the taste was still delish.

(serves 4)

Ingredients:
8 oz cooked spaghetti (cook according to pkg directions; drain & set aside)
1 lb ground beef
1 lg jar spaghetti sauce (26.5 oz; your choice of brand & flavor)
1 med onion, chopped
8 oz block of cream cheese
1 packet Italian dressing salad mix (dry)
2 T. milk
1 small can French Fried Onions
grated Parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 350°.  Take cream cheese out of fridge and bring to room temp in order to soften for later mixing.

In a skillet, brown ground beef and onion until beef is no longer pink and onions are soft and translucent.  Drain. Return beef to skillet, and add jar of spaghetti sauce.  Simmer on medium until heated through.

In a separate bowl, stir together cream cheese, packet of Italian seasoning mix & 2 T. of milk until all is thoroughly blended, and mixture is soft enough for spreading.  If cream cheese is still not soft enough to blend easily, pop it in the microwave for about 20 sec before mixing.

In a 9x11 ungreased casserole dish, layer the following:

• Thin layer of spaghetti sauce
• Cooked noodles
• Cream cheese mix (again, I found this difficult to spread all over noodles; I used the back of a large wooden spoon & just kept spreading until it covered most of the pasta)
• Spaghetti sauce
• Grated Parmesan cheese (as much or as little as you like; we like our cheese, so we used 1/2 cup)

Put into the oven as listed above and bake uncovered for 25 min.

After 25 min, sprinkle can of french fried onions on top and continue to bake for an additional 3-5 min depending on your oven.  Watch them closely because you don't want them to burn.

Voilà!  That's all there is to this one. Serve with a salad & some garlic bread, and you're good to go.

Enjoy!

I'll Settle for those Beans

So, lately I've been scouring the internet on my ongoing quest to create delicious, cheap, not necessarily nutritious dinners that are a winner with all the members of this household (the boy doesn't eat sour cream, ranch dressing or mayo and calls himself Southern, wtf), and I've come across another one that is indeed, a hit.  And like all of "our" current success stories, luckily it is easy enough while still satisfying my joy of cooking and spending time in my favorite room in the house, Bella Cucina.

Behold:  Old Settlers' Baked Beans.

Click here to observe the original recipe for this meal which I've heavily borrowed from but slightly modified in order to suit our tastebuds.

Side note: I don't know why I've never thought of this before, but just because a recipe has a 5 star rating doesn't mean it's an overwhelming hit.  Reading the reviews is actually quite helpful, though I must say, this one sounded pretty darn good on its own.  The main differences that I made after following the review suggestions are cutting the sugar quantity slightly, frying the bacon separately, and using 1 lb. versus 1/2 lb. of ground beef.

So here it is; serves 4.

Ingredients:

1 lb. ground beef
4 strips bacon
1 med. onion, chopped
1/4 c. sugar
1/4 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. ketchup
1/4 c. bbq sauce (store bought; I used a hickory smoked flavor)
1 T. yellow mustard
1 tsp lemon-pepper seasoning
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp seasoning salt
2 T. chili sauce
1 16 oz can pork and beans, undrained
1 16 oz can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 16 oz can Great Northern beans, rinsed and drained


Preheat oven to 350°.  In a large skillet, fry bacon strips until crisp; set aside on paper towel to drain.

In same skillet, brown together ground beef, onion, Worcestershire sauce & seasoning salt until beef is done through, and onions are soft and translucent. Drain all fat.

In a bowl, mix together both sugars, ketchup, bbq sauce, mustard, lemon-pepper seasoning, garlic powder, & chili sauce.  Add beef mixture and stir thoroughly.

Crumble bacon into bits and add to beef/sauce mixture.  Add all beans, and fold together gently, taking care not to mush the beans.

Grease a two quart casserole dish.  Add beef/bean mixture to dish and cover with tinfoil.  Bake for 1 hr.

I served mine with cornbread muffins (what up, Jiffy!) and it was a success!  I think the key was cutting the sugar, and using a smokey bbq sauce and bacon to add another taste dimension.

Enjoy!