Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Well, that went well

So, Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I have to say...it went better than expected.

Not that the Rottenator wasn't horrible.  Lemme tell you, that one was trying to get out of going to my fam's house until the very second we were in the driveway and he was pouting: "You don't care, you don't care, I don't want to do this and you just don't care!"

Well, it's too late now, buddy, get out of the fucking car.

And though he would never admit it, he actually had (dare I say it) a good time.  At least a good time for him.

But the weeks leading up to it, his impending doom, were god awful.  He was like a petulant child, a loud bully, and a grumpy old man all balled into one.

I really wasn't sure if our relationship was going to handle it.  He did not understand how important him meeting my family was to me, and I had no idea of the sheer panic and terror coursing through his veins at the very thought of spending the day with a "bunch of strangers".

He honestly almost had a heart attack.  I have been known to suffer from a bit of social anxiety myself, but never had I witnessed someone about to have a full blown panic attack over the thought of, in my eyes, hanging out with people who are basically going to be a part of our lives for a long, long time.

Sickly green, clammy, sweaty, riding in silence, I was beginning to wonder if it was really worth it.  But I also knew that once he got there, it would be fine.  It would be good for him, and it was completely necessary if we were going to be together.

Melodramatic on both of our parts, I know.

But it was such a good time.  My sister and brother in law were the perfect hosts, and by the time the day was ending, there was smack talk about upcoming football games (thank God everyone's teams won), and the Rottenator was helping himself to food and walking around, and my niece, the 6 year old flirt, was flinging stuffed animals in his direction.

All signs of a successful gathering.  And the best part?  I didn't have to suffer any consequences!  In fact, I was told that even though it certainly wasn't going to be an every weekend kind of a thing, the Rottenator wouldn't be completely opposed to attending such an event again!  And no, I do not have any photographic evidence to prove that this momentous event actually happened, because I didn't want to push my luck, so you'll have to just take my word for it.

Needless to say, I am thrilled.  I can't promise a Christmas reunion this year, but the possibilities are endless.

Speaking of Christmas, what the fuck is this?

Sacrilegious, that's what it is.

Also speaking of Christmas, because of this:

We will not be having a tree this year.  Bummer.  I love a Christmas tree, but I also don't want to spend every second of every day keeping a certain someone from knocking it over or climbing up it.  So, plans are in the works to have a tree outside on our side porch.

In the meantime, I've got this on our front door:
And I've decorated every inch of our house with lights.  I took most of these pics in the dark, because the lights are so much glowier that way (except the first one, obvs...)

And now...to the worst part of the holiday season.

We ventured forth to the 9th circle of hell (aka Walmart) to witness the spectacle of Black Friday because the Rottenator had never witnessed it before.  As he watched with open-mouthed shock at the dregs of humanity that knocked each other over for $5 video games, I stood out of harms way and took horrified pictures.

This is the exact opposite of what I think the holiday season should be about.

See, I love Christmas.  The Rottenator does not understand this because he does not have happy memories of Christmas.  To me, Christmas is not just about giving gifts, or getting great bargains, or Santa, or Jesus, or the lack thereof.

I still hold onto the belief that Christmas is the time that we, as people, (in general), treat each other as we should treat each other every other day of the year.  Yes, I have worked retail during the holidays, and, yes I have been yelled at or cursed out because we didn't have the newest or hottest toy in stock at rock bottom prices for parents consumed with the obsession of fulfilling their little spoiled brat's every superficial dream.

But still I manage to hold onto the feeling that at Christmas: everything is beautiful and sparkly, and magical, and if it makes just one more person treat another a little better than they normally would on an average day, then it's worth it to celebrate.  No matter what religion you follow...or don't follow.

Cheesy?  Probably.  Sappy and sentimental, absolutely.  And I don't care.

I mean, seriously, watch this video and tell me you don't feel a little bit happier today.

My  Mood Ring(tones) of the Day:

And this.

Happy Christmas Month, mother fuckers!


Monday, November 19, 2012

So here's the thing...

Two more days of work this week and then I'm off for a lovely Thanksgiving holiday.  I'm really looking forward to it this year, possibly more so than Christmas even.  This probably has something to do with the fact that since my change of career, I won't get much time off for Christmas this year.  And by much, I mean barely any other than Christmas day.

However, I was lucky enough to score the Friday after Turkey Day off so not only am I looking forward to an extended weekend off, this year marks the first time that this guy...

will meet these people...
Needless to say, I am uber excited.  The Rottenator is less enthused.  I believe his comment was, and I quote, "I'd rather poke my eyes out with a dull butterknife."

He is not a social person.  Sociopath, maybe.  Sociable, no.  But it's high time he meet the fam.  I mean, it's pretty obvious he's not going anywhere any time soon and I am very close to my family, so he just needs to suck it up.

Besides, he's gonna be watching a day of college football with a fellow SEC enthusiast who has testicles, so that's gotta be fun, right?  Even though their two teams may just be playing each other for the championship game, but thank God, that's not until December, so that definitely lessens the possibility of smack talk that gets deadly serious.   And luckily we don't own guns. And the alcohol supply will be limited.

And there will be food.  Oh, yes, there will be.

Mac and cheese
Mashed potatoes
Green bean casserole
Stuffing (or dressing, as the rednecks like to call it)
Cranberry Sauce
Artichoke Dip
Little smokies in bbq sauce

And though the turkey may not be stuffed, I sure as hell will be.

I just hope it doesn't turn out like this.

But if it turned out like this, that would be pretty awesome.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day...

PS: the only version I could find of this was in Italian but if you've seen this movie as many times as I have, you'll know the English by heart.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


So...I'm sure this was accidental, but I can't help but notice that while you were playing with my favorite toy, Mr. Broom, you may have inadvertently locked me in the laundry room.

I see that you were cleaning, so I decided to do my part.

What? I'm helping!

I mean, seriously, I was just doing my part.  Perhaps you misunderstood me. Must you lock me behind these bars?  Madam, I demand my release post haste!


Honestly, I was just trying to help.  Now, I shall retire to my throne.  This unjust imprisonment has exhausted me.


Sunday, November 11, 2012

30 Days of Thanks...in one post or less

Tis the season...

  1. My family
  2. My job
  3. Money
  4. Normalcy
  5. The Internet
  6. Cable
  7. Top Chef
  8. Brit Pop
  9. Razors
  10. Makeup
  11. Hair Color
  12. Bras
  13. Insight
  14. My Brain...most days
  15. The Rottenator...some days
  16. E-cigs
  17. Buffy
  18. New York City & London
  19. Cell phones
  20. Diet Cherry Pepsi
  21. Electricity
  22. Freedom of religion, or the freedom not to have any religion at all
  23. My country
  24. Cars, and the ability to drive them
  25. Forgiveness
  26. Christmas
  27. Snow
  28. The ability to appreciate beauty in almost anything
  29. Inner peace
  30. Spell Check

Friday, November 9, 2012


So, this morning, I couldn't find my cell phone (because I often have to store it in awkward, forgettable places in order to keep it from the Nooge's destructive grasp while getting ready for work, natch) and I grabbed the Rottenator's phone in order to call my own.

As one is wont to do...

And as I searched through his contact list to find my own #, I found that this was the picture he was using in place of the little Android bug to indicate it was me, his perfect precious princess, (as he often refers to me...in my imagination) calling:

*sigh* I guess I'll keep him.

Now, I just need to find a reason to keep the feral barn cat that masquerades as my catten.

And incidentally, I need to post another pic of my hair.  I got it cut and thanks to a hairdresser with curly hair and a knack for talking people into purchasing products, I've gotten SOOO many compliments on it.

I just have to wait until I have the energy to dye it so my gray roots aren't showing so much.

Work is still exhausting.  If you knew me, you'd be stunned, terrified, dare I say, to know that I just may be controlling your paycheck.  Muahahhaha! (insert diabolical laugh here).

Because, this pretty much sums up my numerical skills:

All for now; here's to a weekend of bbq, the Barnyard, and bleeding like a stuck pig.

TMI?  Okay, sorry, should have left out the bbq part.

My Mood  Ring(tone) of the Day:

But before I get to that, open letter to Pandora:

Seriously?  I create a station where the "root" groups are Suede, Blur, Pulp, Oasis, Radiohead, Coldplay, Mumford and Sons, and the Sex Pistols, and suddenly you're throwing Train, Nirvana and Daughtry at me? What the what?!??!  There needs to be a little more pattern to your randomness, please.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I'm Not Sayin', I'm Just Sayin'

Don't get me wrong, I do love the Rottenator, but at times...a lot of times, actually, that mofo gets on my fucking nerves more than any other creature in existence on the planet.

Other than the Nooge.

This may or may not occur predictably at a certain time on a monthly basis (how dare you even insinuate this may be hormonal), but I'm just saying there are times when I can put up with his shit, there are other times when I want to suffocate him in his sleep.

And not just to stop his snoring.

So today, I'm making a list of Things that the Rottenator May Do or Say that Continually Threaten His Existence on this Planet.

In no particular order.

  1. Sneezes loudly, and randomly, without covering his mouth or nose and thereby simultaneously frightening me, pissing me off, and disgusting me when I unexpectedly encounter the remnants of his nasal explosions on bed covers, blankets, bathroom mirrors, and car windows.
  2. Rarely or barely tips.  Hair stylists, waiters, waitresses, taxi drivers, delivery people, charity workers, no one is immune to his cheapness.
  3. Commandeers the television and watches nothing but ESPN, old football games on YouTube, prison reality shows, or  Xbox.
  4. Refuses to accept the fact that WE NEED TWO WORKING VEHICLES to transport ourselves to and from OUR JOBS.
  5. Will blow $40 on one meal, yet has a conniption fit when $100 is spent at the grocery store on 7 days (i.e., 21 separate meals) worth of food.
  6. Instigates fights because he's bored.
  7. Expects a parade when he (gasp, shock) washes a single glass, or reassembles bedsheets after he has qwopped them up.
  8. Grows irritable and tired of a project after 5 minutes and slaps together an entertainment center backwards without taking the time to read the directions then yells when it isn't praised as the most beautiful thing in the world.
  9. Can't bring himself to spend $400 on a new tv, then manages to make it my fault that we don't have one.
  10. Manages to be more sensitive than any 16 year old girl I've ever met then accuses others of being the "overly sensitive one".
  11. Refuses to do even the most menial traditionally "male" jobs around the house, forcing me to be the one to take the trashcan to the curb, change the lightbulbs, or pick up pinecones from the yard.
  12. Uses the excuse "I'm just not good at that kind of stuff" when being "forced" to buy me a birthday present while not exactly appreciating the thought and care it took into buying him a commemorative 1982 Bear Bryant coca-cola bottle or an authentic Trent Richardson Nike Alabama collegiate jersey.
  13. Considers buying necessities for the house such as toilet paper, cleaning products, or cat food, me spending money on myself.
  14. Acting like the world, including myself, "owes" him something, when he hasn't done a damn thing to earn any of it.
And the list could go on...and on...but I'm tired tonight, because I worked all day.  Yes, I work a full time job, 5 days a week, yet still manage to cook, and clean and run errands instead of laying around on my ass all day bitching and moaning about how hard my job is and I shouldn't have to do anything on my day off.

Really?!?!?!  Really.

Suffice to say, I'm a little tired of the whole fucking thing.  Perhaps I'll feel differently tomorrow.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day: