Not quite the same thing, but you get the idea. I have been in a funk the past few days. Without going into specific details, it probably has something to do with this which is all I can attribute to the unbearable pain I've been in. Yes, it's all fun and games until it becomes a big pain in the butt..ba da bump.
I have been under a lot of stress lately. First world stress problems, but still. Between the Nooge, who is completely out of control, the Rottenator who has not yet recognized that I'm now working full time too and he needs to step up his contributions to keeping up the house, and the new job, which is scary, unknown territory that is punctuated by tests.
That's right, tests. As in "pass this test or get fired" kind of tests. My first one is tomorrow, and although it's not the one that could lead to my unemployment, it is still worrisome because I hate to fail anything. And, it's been about a million years since I've actually had to take a test that didn't involve blood sugar levels, blood pressure, drugs, you get the idea.
Not that I don't test well, I do, but this material that we're learning is not something that I'm comfortable with; it doesn't come second nature to me, translation: it has to do with math, and forms and figures, all things that I've avoided at all costs my entire life because math is hard, y'all.
So all of this combined stress is leading to the physical breakdown of my body which is leading to the mental breakdown of my brain, which is not good for tomorrow, and is not good for my psyche, because when I don't feel good physically, I tend to get depressed. I tend to get maudlin and reflective ("I'm so old, what have I done with my life, look at where other people are at my age, why have I fucked up so badly, put myself in such a hole I'll be struggling to get my way out until I'm dead, why haven't I accomplished a damn thing, or made a difference, or been important, why did I let my dreams die?").
And btw, Facebook does NOT help with this, because when I get in this kind of a mood, I do the worst possible thing which is to look up all my old friends and acquaintances from high school and college and check out their status updates...and compare my life to theirs...and comparatively, my life sucks ass (there it is again).
And when I'm like this, there's really nothing that anyone can say that will make me feel better...well, that's not entirely true. There probably is something that someone somewhere can say only they haven't said it to me yet. And God knows the Rottenator, bless his heart, is the WORST at offering words of comfort (and wisdom, for that matter):
"You just can't let it get to you."
Really? REALLY? THIS from the boy who has been known to throw an Xbox controller across a room and stomp off because he lost a stupid football game. A VIDEO football game. Okay, yeah, I'll just let it go and "not let it get to me".
And the Nooge...*sigh*. It has been a loooong time since I've had a kitten, and now I remember why. My last cat, Chairman Miao (angel) was big, fat, lazy, and super chillaxed. This...kitten...is insane. Like, insane to the point that he's taking me with him. He is one big bitey clawy mess of spastic energy that gives me a nervous tick whenever I look at him. It is constant. He will not leave me alone for anything. 3am, he's in my face, he sleeps on my pillow, he eats my feet, he's all over my computer, my food, everything. It sounds cute, but the state that I'm in, I want to open the door and just let him barrel out of it.
I'm so stressed out this 3 lb. furball has me in tears...literally. He just...has...to...calm...down. I can't take it. There's a reason I never have children...I don't like babies. Of any kind, obviously. Too much trouble and mess.
So, there's all that. And instead of studying, I'm writing this blog. Because at least writing will help me find the humor in some of this right now. And life with the Nooge isn't all bad....there is at least a 15 minute period of the day when it's actually pleasant.
Yes, this entry is indeed asstastic..asscentric, even.
And because I'm feeling nostalgic (translation: old and broke down), I've picked a video to match. It reminds me of the kind of high school I always wanted to go. The kind of high school that only existed on movie screens and in the mind of John Hughes (RIP).
My Mood Ring(tone) Of the Day: