Friday, April 12, 2013

Do not go gentle into that good night...

And I don't plan to, motherfucker.  Oh my god, I'm old.  I'm so old, I'm like, "what the fuck, you're over 40?" old.

No, I'm sorry.  I am not embracing the whole "grow old gracefully" theory.  I hate it.  I hate every wrinkle, every thinning and gray hair, every fat dimple on my body.

What brought this on is that one of my acquaintances in my former life in Atlanta just posted about how she turned 50...


(BTW, I love her, she is hilarious, and you should check her out...)

But still...she just turned 50.  I don't know why this struck me harder than seeing Facebook pictures of my college friends sporting gray hair and having 20 year old kids, but it did.

Maybe because she's always been a role model of mine: slightly older, always glamorous, witty, and smart, and she's accomplished what I always wanted to in life...she's being paid for her wit and humor and writing ability and is still fashionable and beautiful and stylish.

As she well deserves, because from knowing her in the "old days", she's been through her struggles as well.  And she had the guts to hang in there through the struggles, and continue with what she was passionate about and is finally successful at doing something she loves.  Writing...for a living...successfully.

I wish in my younger years I'd been more self-confident, with a higher self-esteem, and the courage to just go for it.  But I didn't.

And so now I'm here...not a terrible life, but not a spectacular one either.

Incidentally, have you ever seen the movie "Defending Your Life"?  Because it is my favorite movie of all times and pretty much sums up how I feel about my existence on this earth.

Albert are the only one who gets me.


  1. Oh, Kathleen how I love you.

    Getting older. When the fuck did it come to this? I mean, we are not OLD old but we are not young anymore either. I am going to be a FUCKING grandma! (Yes, it is my step-daughter but still... ) I really do want to grow old gracefully. I meditate and do yoga. I am trying to learn and be more at peace with myself but WTF? Hot flashes. Heavy periods every 21 days. Mood swings. Wrinkles. Acne. It is a crazy time.
    All I can say is, I am with you. We can do this together. if times get really bad we can work something out with regard to an alibi. ;-)

    Give your nasty cat a scratch on the ears for me.

  2. Cheers! What a great post. I intend to act like Ruth Gordon, if I make it that long.


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