I first read about these five years ago. I can't remember exactly when or where this took place, but it was a discovery that changed me forever. I knew that it would become my life's mission to have, to taste, to possess, one of my own.
It was not until last night that I was able to cross this off of my bucketlist. And of all places, this was achieved at my neighborhood Kroger (what up Kroger! Didn't I tell you it was fucking awesome?!?)
Small confession: I can be a tad bit obsessive about things (What? You? No! GTFO! Never!). It's true.
Thus it was with the Grapple. And the most infuriating thing was that despite its promises on the website that they were available at a store near me, they never were. Now, the smaller cities I've lived in in SC, okay, that I can understand, but I started looking for these damn things when I was in Atlanta. Atlanta, SON! And still nothing.
You can ask the Rottenator. He was really fucking tired of searching down every store in our 15 mile radius looking for a damn fruit that he was convinced I'd imagined. Yeah, he told me numerous times that I'd made the whole thing up just to annoy him. And just because I read about a food in a Harry Potter book didn't mean it actually existed.
Grapples were a real damn thing (incidentally, so is butterbeer so he can bite me), and I hadn't read about them in Harry Potter, but somewhere else...which I couldn't remember...but hey, they had a website so of course they existed! Because there are no lies on the internet, everyone knows that. Ahem.
Bottom line: last night I proved him wrong, didn't I?!?! Does it matter that they tasted like a regular ol' apple with a barely noticeable hint of grape so subtle it could easily be missed? No. Did it matter that I'm not even really an apple fan? Absolutely not. The monkey on the packaging? Whatever! It was obviously an homage to Grape Ape without the licensing permission, so I could deal. How about the fact that they cost $6.50 for a four pack? Hell NO! Well, actually, yes, that was a bit harder to swallow, but still!!!
I WAS RIGHT. And I accomplished another, albeit seemingly insignificant to some, goal in my life.
How I'm feeling today: