Friday, March 23, 2012

Smokin' Hot

Okay, so yeah, I'm a smoker, and have been for going on like...20 years.  It seriously is a hard ass thing to quit, lemme tell you, especially when you have no desire to quit whatsoever.  Whew, then it's really rough!

However, I've recently moved into a residence where there's no smoking inside.  I know.  One part of me was like, "there's no way in hell, screw this place!" but then I saw the kitchen, and was all in awe and in love with it and stuff, so the other part of me was like, "dammit!"  At least there's a chair on the porch.

Yes...I have a porch...with a rocking chair.  It's awesome.

So, while I haven't been successful in completely giving up the cancer sticks (there's been stress lately accompanied with thoughts of murder and mayhem) having to go outside has definitely cut down on my formerly one pack a day habit.

Plus, other than the bonus of it being cheaper (are you kidding me with how expensive those things are?  As JJ* would say, "it's riDICulous!) I have to tell you, I really do love living in a house that doesn't smell like smoke.  I love that my clothes don't smell like smoke, I love not opening the door and being accosted by the fumes of tobacco and tar.

Basically, I love not living in a cancer house.  I've always been like that, though.  I smoke, but I don't like smelling like it.  I'm the asshole who reserves a non-smoking room in a hotel and smokes in it because yeah, I'm gonna smoke, mother fucker, I just don't want to stay in a room that smells like someone else's smoke.  Mmmhmm, yep, I think I'm entitled and shit.  Okay, but before you yell at me about that, I'd just like to clarify that I actually do not do that anymore, so don't even start.  Number one, I don't have the bank to stay in any hotels, and number 2, I got busted and thrown out of a hotel once for doing just that, so I learned my lesson.

Which brings me to the point of this post which is, essentially, a simple two step guide on giving up smoking written by a smoker who has not yet given it up, but certainly appears to be heading in that direction, so who better to give unsolicited advice?

Kathleen's Awesome Guide to Awesomely Quit Smoking Those Awesome Cigarettes.

1.  Move into a residence where it is against the rules and is written into your lease that no one is allowed to smoke inside of the house at any time for any reason.

2.  Don't be a rule breaker.

Ta dah!  That's all it takes, and you too will one day be an almost former smoker like me.  Good luck!

Lesson of the day: Being a sloppy smoking drunk may seem cool in your 20s but go ahead and plan on giving that shit up on your 29th birthday because after that, it ain't pretty.  And on that note, I would still like the following song to be played at my funeral (I just don't want that funeral to be like, you know, next week or anything) :

*JJ is Judge Judy, natch, for those of you not in the know or familiar with her awesomeness.

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