So, it's only February, and I'm already working on one of my New Year's Resolutions, which was to start writing again. Honestly, who am I kidding, I made no resolutions other than to not spend 2012 recovering from a near death experience in the same manner as I did in 2011, but I digress.
As well as my newly formed two day ago resolution, I decided to start eating better. Yes, yes, everyone says this, and I have spent every year of my life since the age of, oh, birth, trying to do this, but this time, I am beginning this with quite a different purpose with a hopefully lasting end result. THIS time, it's going to be different (she sarcastically types as she rolls her OWN eyes with the rest of her blog reading audience which consists of a party of one, probably her sister) because the driving force behind this decision is, for the first time, not to lose weight, but to, in fact, feel better and become healthier.
I know, right? The shock, the horror, the utter nonsense. Right there with ya, people (Michelle). I guess that it is easier to focus on this because, in fact, due to the previously aforementioned near death experience, weight loss is no longer my top priority. Oh, yeah, I could still stand to lose a few, don't get me wrong, but it is no longer my primary goal or the driving force in my life. I actually weigh less now then I did at 15, which is a shocker, and I no longer feel suicidal upon stepping on a scale, so I guess it is easier now to focus on health, which is probably what I should have been focused on all along, but whatever. When you're young, single, and all of your friends are shopping at The Limited and you're waddling through Lane Bryant, you embrace that diet coke/ephedrine diet with full force and delight in the jittery shakes and sleeplessness while dreaming of that size 0 slinky sweater dress which, in reality, your boobs will never fit into.
However, now, at the age of 40, I can realistically evaluate my body and know that I will never have that perfectly svelte, wrinkle-dimple curve free body that honestly, I never could have even at the age of 16. I will always have droopy boobs, hanging skin, arm-wings, a chicken neck, and stretch marks. And that's okay, because my primary goal now is to stop feeling so god damned sickly all the damn time.
I think this does stem from the fact that for over a year, I haven't felt physically good. Yes, I feel better than I used to, but I still feel exhausted, still get sick when I eat certain things, hardly ever have energy, and I'm ready for a change. I never again want to feel like I'm going to vomit after eating, or bloated, or have wildly fluctuating blood sugar levels that leave me feeling sweaty, weakly, and light headed. I don't want to wheeze (yes, quitting smoking is on the horizon, but that is another goal for another post), or wake up feeling like death, or snack on craptastic food all day because my breakfast started with a cigarette and a diet coke with a handful of vitamins that left me drained and cranky all day.
So, come with me, won't you, on this fantastical voyage. Not that this will primarily be a self-righteous "I'm better than you cuz I'm getting healthy, bitch" blog, oh, no, far from it, but I figured that this was as good an introductory post as any to get my juices flowing.
Until next time, dear reader(s)...which will probably be in a few minutes, when I post yet another fantastical idea that I've discovered on Pinterest. Because that site is fucking awesome. Mostly because again, it's all about me.