Never have I been prouder to be considered part of the "dregs of humanity" though I'm pretty sure people have thought that of me before.
Monetizing The Hate
Background: I've read this woman's
blog since its inception 11 years ago. I used to adore her. She was witty, charming, beautiful, and insanely funny...emphasis on the insanely part, it turns out.
You know how it is when you follow celebrities (even quasi) for years, you think you kinda know them? For lack of a better word, it's even more "intimate" when you follow a "real life" person, i.e., blogger, because they reveal a lot more of themselves, their daily family life, routine, etc. You develop a weird kind of friendship, like, "hey, they're just a normal person like me!" where you feel like you know them because they aren't being driven around in limousines, dressing up for parties and premieres, shopping on Rodeo Drive, being followed by paparazzi. They're driving their kids to school, dressing down in sweatpants, watching movies at home, and shopping at Kroger. So, yeah, they become like your BFF, or at the very least, a neighbor that you're fond of.
The internet is such an odd place, isn't it? So, anyway, yeah, I really admired Heather Armstrong, we were going through the same kind of shit, man. Depression, body image issues, food issues, we shared a love of Britpop, the same conflicted feelings about religion (though she was Mormon, I was brought up Catholic, still families strongly rooted in the church), and the same bitchy sense of humor.
Then, things changed between us, Heather & me (there I go again! Imagining we're pals). In a way, it was cool. I mean, this chick like me, really cool stuff was happening for her because of the power of her words. She actually had a career and was supporting herself and her family with her website. She didn't have to be a published author to be a successful writer. I like to consider myself an amateur hack, so this was amazing to me, and I was really happy for her, and encouraged that something like that could be done.
Then, she became like, all famous, and stuff. And started hanging out with supermodels, and hiring assistants, and getting committed into a mental hospital because of her postpartum depression, and finding herself in her garage staring up at a pipe thinking about wrapping one end of a dog leash around it, and the other around her neck, and separating from her husband, and so forth.
So I was like....Dooooooce.....really? That's kinda fucked up, yo. But the worse thing? The most unpardonable sin? Her website stopped being interesting. About a year ago, it was pretty clear that she had lost all interest in the website, and that's cool, I get it, you have some measure of success, you've got other things going on, so say bye-bye...or at least be honest about it. I mean, you made your $ by being authentically open about the things going on in your life, so why quit now? Or better yet, go ahead, and quit. That's the part that must really suck, though, right? I mean, it's pretty obvious she's been totally "over" writing her blog, but now she's got sponsors, and employees, and lawyers, publicists, blah, blah, blah, so she can't just up and quit. She's got to phone it in somehow. And it showed.
So, anyway, I was having a pretty bad morning myself today, and unable to vent my frustrations to the person who was actually physically in my face pissing me off, I decided to do the typically passive-aggressive thing and lash out at some, well, nonentity, really, and spew forth my anger. Oh, don't get me wrong, I meant every word of it.
And by that, I mean EVERY WORD. Not just the part that she decided to copy and paste in order to make herself look better because everyone was being a big ol' meanie.
The quote on the page that was mine is as follows (in part):
Maybe she’s emotionally and physically exhausted because she finally
caught a glimpse of the trainwreck of an interview that she gave on the
Today show…twice. My god, it was embarrassingly bad, I actually felt
sorry for her for the first time in like…um…ever.
Poor thing. My body would probably shut down too if I had to carry around a head and an ego as big as hers.
The entire quote as posted on
Get Off My Internet is as follows:
Maybe she’s emotionally and physically exhausted because she finally
caught a glimpse of the trainwreck of an interview that she gave on the
Today show…twice. My god, it was embarrassingly bad, I actually felt
sorry for her for the first time in like…um…ever.
Poor thing. My body would probably shut down too if I had to carry around a head and an ego as big as hers.
I see that she’s finally opened up the comments again for this post;
probably so she could hear a bunch of “Aww, Dooce, you do whatever you
need, honey. We still <8 you”! Maybe I should comment there too,
except that I’m sure it would be deleted because I’m being such a JERK.
And yeah, this is from a loyal reader who’s been following along with
her for 11 years, and continued to enjoy her up until the last year. She
should have ended the website when it reached its first decade because
Dooce.com is now kind of like a television show that continues to
struggle painfully along because it’s a money maker until it dies a
slow, painful, agonizing death and makes you forget what made it so
wonderful in the first place.
See what she did there? Kinda left out the last two paragraphs, which actually were not as harsh as the first part. My valid points were completely left out, dammit.
It's such a bitch being edited without prior approval. But I guess so am I. And oh, yeah! Internet recognition, baby! I'm such an attention ho. :-)
