I'm Southern And I Know It...

Don't get me wrong, I do love living in the south, and I love all the pretty little flowers of spring. The tulip trees, the azaleas, the daffodils and whatnot but OH MY GOD:

Everything is covered with this yellow crap down here.  We had an incredibly mild winter so everything is blooming full force and although it is going to be spectacular and beautiful, I will not be here to enjoy it because I will have suffocated underneath all of this pollen.

Incidentally, have you ever seen pollen underneath a microscope?

This is the nasty stuff that attaches itself to your lungs and mucus membranes and everything else and causes you not to breathe for a good four months out of the year.

However, I guess I shouldn't complain because I know that even though we are officially into the Spring season, Mother Nature is not recognizing this fact in many areas of the US of A.

Meanwhile, in Chicago...

Meanwhile, in Colorado...

Meanwhile in Indy:

Meanwhile in Florida (Florida, are you serious?!?!)

So I guess I should keep my mouth (and nose) shut and just be thankful that it's not bitterly cold and snowy and icy down here because in general, Southerners do not handle any adverse weather conditions very well when it comes to operating moving vehicles.

In fact, this pretty much sums up Southerners reaction to any inclement weather:

Roll Tide.

Anyhoo, I have spent my day doing absolutely nothing; it is gray and damp here which is preventing me from my normal spring cleaning OCD fit, so I will just sit and enjoy my marathon of Buffy courtesy of Netflix.

Incidentally, I am also watching Curtis Stone on Food Network, so that affects my Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

Which leads me to this:

I'm beginning to think that there is not one aspect of my life that cannot be appropriately captured in an episode of "Scrubs" or "Buffy" or in the movie "Office Space".

Time Off

So I took a weekend off wherein I did not do a god-damn thing.

And it has been awesome.  The only thing I regret is that stupid Daylights Saving Time stole one hour of my free time.

I have spent my time watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix and making videos of my cat. 

I did manage to make a low-maintenance meal in the mean time, and I highly recommend it: served with a side of mac and cheese.

BBQ Meatballs.  Who woulda thunk it, but it is so easy and delicious and even I, who has an aversion to sweet meat, find these to be amaze-balls.

1 (32 ounce) bag frozen meatballs
1 (9 ounce) jar grape jelly
1 (18 ounce) bottle spicy barbecue sauce

Directions:
1. Combine the barbecue sauce and grape jelly into the slow cooker and then add the meatballs. 

2. Cook the mixture on high for 2 – 2 ½ hours until completely cooked through.

Ta-dah! This way, you can still appear to be productive and provide a hot meal for your family whilst sitting on your gluteus maximus and crying over the fact that you will never be as hot as Buffy and regretting the misspent years of your youth.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:

PS: I am going to the beach in a few weeks, and I cannot wait.

 

 

 

http://www.edistorealty.com/rentals/details.php?id=161

An Ode To Two Assholes

And for once I am not talking about the Rottenator.

1. My tulip tree.

But, let me clarify, and I just found this out!  What we call "tulip trees" in the south are actually these:

Saucier Magnolias.  It makes sense, southern, magnolia, etc.  But this paragraph in particular struck me:


Saucer Magnolias flower here in early March, and flowers appear before the leaves. I call these trees "frost trees" as they always seem to flower and bring on a killing freeze. This habit is their primary disadvantage, as the flowers are blitzed by freezes in one out of every four to five years.  

Yes they god damn do.  The day after this stupid fucking tree bloomed, we were hit by 20 degree weather and the damn blossoms turned brown and fell off.  I didn't even have the heart to take a picture of it, I was so depressed.

This is what it is supposed to look like in full bloom.

But mine never does.  It is the bane of my existence, because I fucking love this tree, it is my favorite type of tree of all times, and it never fails to disappoint.

Maybe because it is delicate and fragile...like me.

Anyway, one hard freeze later, and the damn thing is dead.  I'm super pissed.  That's why this tree is an asshole.

Asshole # 2:

This is only a minor example of the damage the Nooge has inflicted on Bella Cucina in the two days that the Rottenator has started training on his new schedule at his new job.  Which means that he is not here during the day and there is a slight disruption in the Nooge's routine and he has not reacted favorably.

This picture does not include opened cabinets, bottles of spices overturned, cans of diet coke spilled.

Really, cat?  Two days of being left alone and this is how you react?  Aren't you supposed to sleep during the day anyway?

Well, the Rottenator returns to an overnight shift Sunday night so maybe the Nooge will stop acting out and destroying my house which I am too tired to clean at the moment.

He is currently in quarantine because he has overturned our lamp and busted a light bulb for the umpteenth time and has attacked me every time I dared to move.

I think my friend Birdie had the right idea when she suggested crating.  It can't just work for dogs, can it?

And speaking of, the Rottenator desperately wants one. I am more hesitant.  Mostly, because I am not a dog person.  And they smell.  And I cannot even fathom the amount of damage that will be inflicted upon my house should we disrupt the Nooge's routine even more by introducing a sibling.

He is definitely the ruler of all he surveys and don't you forget it.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

God, I will never not love Britpop.  It will always speak to my soul.

 

The Little Things...

So, even though I didn't get something accomplished yesterday that would be a BIG deal for me while taken for granted by a lot of other people (i.e., people who can drive), I'm okay today.

For now; it's still early. Things that are okay today:

1. I got some sleep yesterday.
2. The Rottenator and I are one step closer to getting a new car.
3. I got a comforter for $17!  And it's nice.
4. It's fall which means the weather is nice and the holidays are getting closer.
5. I ate a double Whopper yesterday and lost four pounds...in one day.

Which brings me to this point; I shall link to my sister's blog because we have the same problem.  Our bodies are endlessly fascinating, but not in the cool "oooh, look at that, it's so sparkly and lights up and awe-inspiring and beautiful" way like this pumpkin:

I'm purple and sparkly and light up, say what?!?!

But more in a WTF is going on!?!? kind of way.  I can eat ice cubes and celery for a week or eat ice cream and pizza and my body only deviates 5-8 lbs.  The only problem with this is that my body is comfortable at a weight that I am not comfortable with it being...at.

I'd be much more comfortable minus 25-30 lbs, frankly, but I think this would entail exercising and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet.

So I'm going to have to deal with this for now.  Oh!  I just realized something!  I had half a bottle of water yesterday so maybe that's why I lost 5lbs.  Take note, sis!  Half a bottle of water is the magic exlir.  Now watch, I'll drink a whole bottle of water today and either wake up 10 lbs lighter, or have gained 15.  Who knows.

But that will not concern me today.
     6. I got a new vacuum cleaner.
     7. I found this in my mother's yard:

Not near a sewer...possibly still a ninja

Just chillin' in her front yard.  You can't see it in the picture, but he had evil orange eyes which prevented me from picking him up despite my sister's urging because she "wanted to see what happened".  Mom says it's a box turtle.  I figured it probably escaped from the teenager who lives next door who probably bought him about 10 years ago when he was the size of a teaspoon and he finally managed the 30 steps to the front yard.

I highly doubt he is a river cooter.  That would have been too cool!  Then I could have totally texted this pic to everyone I've ever met with the title "Check out my cooter!"  And then laughed hysterically because I'm so fucking hilarious.
     8.  I haven't thought about my birthday once today...until now...dammit.
     9.  I got nothing.
    10. I have to end my list in a even number of 10 because not doing so would disrupt the natural order of things.

My  Mood(ring) Tone of the Day:

          

Mental Block

Remember not too long ago when I was complaining about NOT having a job and having no $?

Well, now I have a job and we have a bit of $ and now I'm complaining about my job, and my weight and my lack of motivation to clean my house so seriously, when am I going to stop whining and complaining and start counting my blessings?

Not today, kiddo, I can promise you that.

This job, OH-EMM-GEE, this job.  Well, not this job as much as this fucking whoremouth passive aggressive bitch from hell instructor I have who doesn't know her ass from a hole in the wall and treats a group of fairly intelligent women like children is driving me batshit crazy.

Completely.  She's awful, GOD awful, I couldn't stress that more.  But I'll sure as hell try.  Let me just say this much: Meryl is consistently making top scores in the class and SHE is going to her manager complaining about this woman.  'Nuff said.

The part I hate the most is that she makes me feel stupid and incompetent.  Not only is she not teaching us the important tools we need to be successful at our jobs, she is teaching us INCORRECT information.  She's twisted and dangerous and not in a fun, exciting way.

I shouldn't let it affect me like it does, but I can't help it.  I don't like feeling stupid, or having people treat me condescendingly.  I'm used to being the condescending, smart one.  So I guess this is karmic payback.

Well, enough already.  Of the karmic payback, that is.  October 1st.  10/1/12 is freedom; we move onto the next phase and have a new instructor.  And I can't fucking wait.  Maybe I'll have the motivation to clean my house by then.  Wouldn't it be nice if the Rottenator would do it for me?

Smiling is a sign of weakness

Doesn't that look like an enthused, strapping young man capable of washing a dish or changing a light bulb or, god forbid, scrubbing a toilet just ONCE? 

I guess not.  That's the face of a weak-stomached individual who got nauseated at the sight of the green goo coming out of a Cadbury's Screme Egg and couldn't finish it after one bite.

I ate two!

His loss, btw.  These things are delicious; another sign that Fall is coming, and not soon enough.  The weather is also getting cooler, which I'm enjoying.

So what am I complaining about anyway?  Not anything of importance, obviously.  But still I do.

Stupid birthdays.

Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Saboteur!

So, obviously, I can only diet when the Rottenator is at work, because on his days off, he likes to frequent the buffets which I do not enjoy on the whole, but I am powerless to resist any offer of food, especially when it is in abundance.

*sigh*

I'm also unable to resist free food, and there was an ice cream social at work today, so of course I partook. 

Did I stop with one scoop of vanilla ice cream?  Did I bypass the ice cream in favor of the fresh fruit which was also being offered?

Oh, please, honestly?  Don't be silly; of course I made a big ass sundae complete with strawberry, chocolate, and caramel sauce, topped by Butterfinger bits, peanuts and whipped cream.

I am weak.  I can't wait to step on the scale tomorrow and see my weight-loss of seven pounds being stripped away in a matter of seconds.

But I didn't dissolve into true madness after counting up my calories on My Fitness Pal and come home and devour pepperoni slices, Tostitos Hint of Lime chips with dill dip, or even an Oatmeal Cream Pie.  I was even honest with my 350 calorie surplus and my lack of water intake. 

And I stopped eating for the night.  I also have not had a cigarette today, so I can officially say this is my first day of not smoking.  Yes, I vaped to get my nicotine fix, and although it is not a perfect solution it is certainly better than the alternatives.

Which are lung cancer, emphysema, heart disease, and murder (of loved ones and innocent strangers).

So, I consider today a relative success.

Also, my tulip tree is blooming again, which is a wonderful surprise, because it bloomed once over the spring, then we had a hard freeze, which turned all the beautiful flowers black with a quickness.  I didn't expect to see them again until next season, but here is proof that this god forsaken summer hasn't killed all of nature's beauty.

I really wish I had a better camera and a better cell phone, but you get the idea of how pretty this bloom is I hope.

All for now, long day, but tomorrow is casual day at work so I get to dress comfortably, and it's Friday, yay!

My Mood  Ring(tone) of the day:

Flower Power

Remember this?  Yeah, well, this is the result of all my blood, sweat & tears:

That's it.  Out of the hundreds, nay, thousands, of seeds I planted a single flower bloomed.

I'm not even gonna post a picture of my disgusting mosquito-infested swamp pond.  Needless to say, the incessant heat and lack of rain this season has not been kind to my garden.

 

Maybe next year.

So, the new Batman movie opened last night:

and unless you've been living under a rock for the past 24 hours, you know about what went down in Colorado at the midnight premiere. And all I have to say about that is...what the fuckity fuck America?  Jesus Christ, seriously?!?!  Other than that, words fail me.  Everyone from the news media to the person sitting in the cube at work next to you has a theory/thought/opinion on this and what should happen next, and how it should be handled to the point that I'm not even going to get into it here because this is not that kind of blog or forum for dealing with something so horrific and tragic.  And, obviously, it has nothing to do with me, so, therefore, I shall move on.  Other than to say that I just...don't...get...it.

That being said, the Rottenator and I are going to see the movie tomorrow (what's that you say?  Two date nights in two three weeks?  That must be some kind of record?  It is!) and I am still looking forward to it mostly because the Rottenator doesn't have a lot of things he gets excited about (other than Alabama football) but this is one of them, so it should be a good day...and I will try to ignore the very slight feeling of apprehension I'm getting over the thought of possible copycats hanging outside the theatre waiting to mow us down.  If it's our time to go, it's our time.  If it's my time...I shall try to use the Rottenator as a shield as much as possible.

I hope you all have good weekends, too, and I wish you many happy date nights of your own.

My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day: (is totally random, but this song just popped into my head while I was at work today and I remembered how much I love it).

Oh hey, Aunt Flo, how have you been?

Let's just go ahead and file this post under TMI, mmmkay?

So, yeah, while I'm still convinced that I'm suffering from the early onset of Alzheimer's Perimenopause, I did have a surprise visitor this past holiday which was a not so much a pleasure as it was a relief.  The main reason I'm documenting this is so that I'll be able to accurately track my monthly cycles, because unlike when I was younger and could pinpoint my body's timeclock to the millisecond (every 28 days right on cue), now these visits are few and far between and I'm in that weird stage of "is this menopause or am I pregnant?"  Kinda like Blanche Devereaux from the Golden Girls.

And the fact that I'm even referencing the Golden Girls makes it pretty obvious to me which one it probably is.

In any event, as is often the case, this was really inconvenient timing on my body's part because I actually got to have a date night with the Rottenator this past Friday which in itself is a miracle (not unlike the miracle of childbirth, which is also painful and only occurs every 9 months).

We went to eat at Carrabba's which was fantastic, and saw the movie Brave, which was also enjoyable; surprisingly enough the Rottenator didn't hate it too much either.  And he let me refer to it as our "date night" which is something he NEVER does because in his mind "we're way past the dating stage".

Really?  Huh...cuz my thinking is that with a few more date nights and a bit more help around the house, perhaps I wouldn't be so fucking exhausted all the time and I would actually feel like going through the motions of practicing that people usually do in order to have a baby, and that might not be an issue that much longer anyway, so WTF, stop sitting on your ass playing online football all the time and perhaps get up and change a lightbulb for Christ's sake if you want a piece of this!

But I digress.  What I mean to say is that it's truly amazing the difference having two full-time incomes makes in determining someone's frame of mind.  Yeah, I know that money is not supposed to buy happiness, but NOT having money is a sure fire way to ensure a ton of stress and strain on an already volatile relationship, lemme tell ya.

Bottom line:  things are going very well for us right now, and I do thank the higher powers for that every day and I am appreciative and grateful even though I tend to bitch about everything.  But I wouldn't be me if I wasn't a bitch.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Everything's Hotter In Texas...

supposedly.  Tell that to the SC/GA border, because it sucks balls to leave 104 degree weather to return home to 106 degrees.

I've long told people that the whole "dry heat" thing was bullshit: hot is hot. But oh, how I was wrong.  No, it really is different.  It really is the humidity that kills you.  And I am definitely feeling near death.

But I am home!  Finally, after a frantic near-miss of a connecting flight at Atlanta Hartsfield/Jackson, which my thighs are still screaming at me about after my two terminal sprint towards my final destination.  And I have to tell you...this business trip was much better than I expected.  It was, dare I say, actually fun.

I don't know if it's my age or my relatively "normal" weight which made this the most comfortable business trip I have ever taken but whatever the combination, I am grateful for it.  Never in my life have I felt so at ease meeting new people but this time I have felt a peace about it that I have never before experienced.  I think the weight thing definitely played a part because for once I have clothes that I am relatively comfortable wearing and I don't fear being in cramped spaces or having to squeeze into a desk or breaking a chair.  I would like to say age is a factor because I do not give a fuck what people think but I don't believe that could be completely it because let's face it: what is the age where a woman honestly doesn't give a fuck about her looks?  I don't think I'm quite there yet because as I sat with a 35 year old (who expressed surprise when I revealed that I was 40) and a 25 year old (who said "yeah no wonder you feel old") the age thing was obviously still a factor.

Whatever the reason I enjoyed myself immensely in the great state of Texas and I was reasonably relieved to arrive home to find that my own house wasn't in complete disarray after the Rottenator and the Nooge enjoyed a week of unsupervised bacherlorhoodness together.  Though there was an unsettling lack of tp that almost ended my relationship (when will boys learn that girls wipe EVERYTIME they use the bathroom?  And what do boys use as tp when they run out of tp?  I don't even want to know...)

Bottom line: I was social, I did not lock myself in my hotel room as is my usual habit, and I remained steely in my resolve to avoid any forbidden temptations even though I was surrounded by them on numerous occasions.

Oh, and the hotel...oh, the hotel.  With the 65 degree thermostat, daily cleaning, and king sized bed with adjustable mattress firmness...I think I shall miss you most of all.  *sniff*

I was also surrounded by mountains.  Who woulda thunk it?  Texas has mountains!

For your viewing pleasure:

Texas mountains!

Me photobombing a Texas mountain!

Me taking pics of mountains while on a social shopping excursion!

Me being social by taking dinner pics!

Me watching others partake at dinner and judging socially!

Me taking pics of a loud mariachi band while being social at dinner!

 

 

 

    

The Nooge, gazing at me adoringly upon my return to being anti-social.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Struck By Lightening

I saw my first lightening bug tonight. As if the 90 + degree heat and oppressive humidity weren't enough to alert me to the fact that summer is here, this sealed it.

Do you guys have lightening bugs (or fireflies, or glowworms, however you call them) where you are or are they strictly a southern thing?  I love them.

Of course, I'm a sucker for anything that glows.

To my sister: Hey!  Remember that time when you were little and we saw that lightening bug fly into the spider web and then the spider got him and slaughtered him mercilessly and then we had to tell you that he had escaped and flew away but it was pretty obvious by his frantic buzzing  that he was in the throes of death?  Yeah...remember that?  Good times.

I hope we can afford to get the air conditioner in the old beater fixed for summer or driving around in this heat is gonna be a bitch...and so am I.

How I'm Feeling Today:

Hope Springs Eternal

I've gotten a lot of requests from the voices in my head inquiring about the status of the triplets and I just want to assure all of you that they are actually doing fine!

There were some concerns early on; all of the original blooms died and fell off and that's when I decided that I would just leave it in Mother Nature's hands, helping out with an occasional lackluster watering if the soil looked particularly dry, but I wasn't going to stress about it anymore.

And then I walked outside about a week ago and saw this:

Could it...could it be?  Like one little sad purple wonky angel on top of a Christmas tree, there was a bloom.  (Incidentally, this is also when I decided on their names.  The one in the middle is Angel, natch).

And then this morning, it looked like Spike couldn't have Angel stealing all his thunder, so he stepped up his game.

Oh, yeah!  We are in business.  Buffy (on the left) is a petite little thing, but she does have new buds, so here's hoping she'll catch up with the other two and we'll be on our way to a magnificent display of purplosity.

Once these three get going, I may be trusted to begin the transformation of my water garden, which I hope will also be spectacular.

And don't even bother to ask about the seed trays.  They did not fair so well.  I never claimed to be a patient gardener; I'm more of the make-minimal-effort-expect-immediate-results kind.

The Spider Situation

To the spider I allowed to cohabitate my home for the past few days:

Even after the initial horror of discovering you when I turned on my lamp, I overlooked your continued presence in Bella Cucina. You see,  I'd read on some stupid website somewhere that a spider in the house was a sign of good luck.  Obviously, the writer of that proverb had never heard of a black widow, or a brown recluse, but okay, whatever.  You weren't bothering me, I didn't bother you.  I could tolerate you much as one tolerates an unwanted, but unobtrusive, roommate.

Clearly you felt emboldened by my disregard of you, or perhaps it hurt your feelings, or maybe you were looking to commit suicide by proxy, I don't know.  Whatever the case, you decided to become a bit more intrusive.  Such as...dropping from the ceiling onto the keyboard of my laptop, which you obviously thought would spur me on to more drastic actions.  When we stared each other down, and I refused to participate in your game, you decided that a leap in my general direction would surely illicit the response you so (apparently) desired.

Unfortunately, a shriek from me as I frantically scrambled away and practically kicked my computer onto the floor while telling my fiance not to hurt you because I heard you were good luck, was not the correct counter to your forward move.  You were obviously frustrated by my attempts to be a good samaritan and decided on moving forward with a plan which could no longer be ignored.

You had babies.

I knew they were yours when the first tiny speck of a spider hatchling crawled across my computer screen.  You taught them well.

So, when finding you hovering above the door, no doubt planning your next suicidal leap:

I knew what had to be done.   It was inevitable, and what both of us really wanted in the end.

Pondzi Scheme

So, my new obsession is with water gardens/koi ponds, however you want to call them.  I've always wanted one, but never had the yard to really do it, or the financial resources to start one from scratch.

However, since moving into Bella Cucina*, and finding a ready made already dug cement pond in the front yard, I have been on a mission to turn this:

into this:

or something like that.  You get the idea.

Well, right now, we are a bit strapped for cash, so all I can do when I'm sitting outside smoking my soon-to- be-last-I-swear cigarette, is stare wistfully at that barren, stagnant pool of water and dream.

And get eaten alive by mosquitoes. Oh yes.  Fucking mosquitoes love stagnant water, and they love me because I'm sweet and juicy and desirable in Bugland.  So, instead of my luxurious water garden, I have a gross stagnant Skeeter Pond which is sure to become more unbearable as the temperatures get even warmer, and more depressing to me because not only do I NOT have my luxurious and relaxing tranquil pool of beauty, I will be miserable and covered with huge itchy welts.

Sidebar: Did you know that mosquito hawks do NOT, in fact, eat mosquitoes? I don't think any recent knowledge has pissed me off more than learning that quaint fact.  In fact, I'm in such disbelief over this betrayal that I keep forgetting that they don't, and I get all excited when I sit outside and see one flying around and think "Yay!  Take THAT you blood suckers!"  But then I remember that they don't...and so I get mad and smush them for their uselessness while yelling "Take THAT, vile deceptive creature!"**

So what was the point of this post again?  Oh, yeah, so I'm slowly but surely getting my pond garden ready.  First, a trip to Lowe's to purchase a product called Mosquito Dunk, which is supposedly safe for animals and plants while killing mosquito larva, thusly preventing them from maturing and biting me in the ass.

Next, cleaning out the pond, which once done, I have been promised that I can then purchase water lilies and associated accoutrement.  Someone obviously knows me well enough to know that I have the habit of purchasing things which may or may not sit in my kitchen and wilt and die because I'm too lazy to take care of the less fun parts of the project, which in this case, includes scooping wet, rotting garbage out of a cement hole.  Whatever.

Hopefully, I'll soon have "after" pics to post of my water garden, which I feel is the only thing which may save my sanity at this point.  In the meantime, I have satisfied my green thumb by planting daisies:

(which, actually, after reviewing the picture, do not look very good.  God, I hope they're not dying.  Maybe they're just going through the adolescent growth spurt phase before they settle into beautiful adulthood).

I've also planted a tray of seeds which, according to the packages, should bloom into gorgeous snapdragons and canterbury bells:

(before, obviously)

(projected outcome)

We shall see.

*Bella Cucina = beautiful kitchen

**No mosquito hawks were actually harmed during the writing of this post; comment added for comedic value only.

Germans Ruin Everything

Okay, so I was perusing the internet recently as I am wont to do on occasion, and came across the following article from Gawker which had me going all John McEnroe "you can NOT be serious!" all over the place.  Like, I thought it was a mocked up Onion piece at first but alas, no.  This shit was real.

Tiny Til...the world's cutest, and uh, ONLY, apparently, earless bunny was trod upon by a German cameraman on the day of his world debut, thereby crushing his (vertebrae) and Germany's dreams of fame for this fantastically adorable mutant of nature.

A month before Easter.  I mean...seriously? So this got me thinking...are Germans just inherently evil?  History backs up this theory obviously.  Or, is this actually an act of a vengeful God who is so pissed off by the modern day commercialism of such a Holy day that he takes it out on a harmless little auditorily impaired rodent and blames it on the one race that is already known as being kinda sinister and shit.  "Don't blame me, blame those Hitler loving Nazi freaks!  Peace out."

Personally, I've got my own theory about God being a particularly diabolical prankster with a pension for torturing pathetic 40 year old women who are just trying to rebuild their lives and become normal productive citizens and are trying really fucking hard to do the right god damn thing and he's just giving them false hope and then yanking it away and can't I just catch a break, you evil overlord, what the fuck more do you want from me, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do already...

But I digress.  Moral of the story:  don't count your chickens before they hatch.  Or prematurely plan the fame of your squee-inducing mini earless bunnies before instructing German cameramen on where and where not to walk.  Or quit your lousy retail job based on a preliminary offer from a better one before your background check clears.  Hey, what was that last part?  Um...nothing.  Move along now.

Stupid Weather

So...hey there, Mother Nature, so, like, do you have it in for my sickly Tulip tree in particular (because it's all about me, remember, yeah, you probably get that by now) or do you just hate SC in general?  Because we had all of TWO days of cold weather, and BOOM...my poor little barely blooming masterpiece was destroyed, and now all the pretty little blossoms look like the above.  Sad sight, really.  My chlamydia did take a beating as well...wait, is that right?  Chlamydia?  Or am I thinking of something else?  Oh, right, Camelias.  That other thing is something I would definitely be okay with you killing, not that I have it.  No, seriously, I don't.  Jokes, people.

Moving on, Goddess of the Earth, are are you going to stick around to kill the azaleas, too?  I wouldn't mind that, actually, because that is the one plant on the planet that sends my allergies into overdrive and leaves me in a snotty miserable state, so go ahead, zap away. But leave the peaches alone.