I love the Bloggess. She says what I wish I could say but she said it first. And she puts it so succinctly.
Which is why she has a book and I do not...yet...
I recently fought myself out of a deep hole of depression that was affecting everything in my life, and then I got myself some happy pills, and immediately felt better.
Yes, I realize that some of the "feeling better within an hour of taking a pill" was probably psychosomatic, but still, whatever works, right? Bottom line: I'm feeling pretty good right now.
As in: I don't feel that my job is destroying me. I have put that bad boy back in its place: it is a paycheck, it is a secure job, with possible advancement and decent benefits. It does not define me, and when I clock out at 6:30pm, I can leave it there. And I don't cry in the shower every morning before I have to go in just thinking about it. And seriously, Kathleen, with everything else going on in the world... snap the fuck out of it.
Yes, I talk to myself in the third person. It's one of the many things that Kanye West and I have in common. Incidentally, please take the time to read this article; Kanye is crazy. I love this man and his music is brilliant but he is batshit nuts. Which is probably why I have sympathy and love for him.
Bottom line: I'm feeling better. Life is manageable. And I am reminded time and again of other people who have it much, MUCH worse than myself who still manage to soldier through without a hint of a complaint.
I have a very close "work" friend who has lupus and was recently admitted into the hospital because her kidneys were failing, and she needs chemo. This very strong woman relayed this information to me very casually from her hospital bed where she was being pumped full of chemicals, and her one request: "just send me some funny messages to cheer me up".
And here I am, my entire family is happy and healthy, and I'm whining because my job may be a little bit challenging.
Whatever.
I have decided to forgive myself (it's easier that way) and focus on the good. And the funny.
With that in mind, let us all celebrate the fact that I have recently lost 7 lbs by doing no more than "doing" all of my major eating at lunch, and restricting my dinner caloric intake to a minimum...and cutting out the evening snacking altogether. It sucks, because I do miss my 1am gelato break, but I am willing to sacrifice it in the meantime if this is the end result.
My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:
Which is why she has a book and I do not...yet...
I recently fought myself out of a deep hole of depression that was affecting everything in my life, and then I got myself some happy pills, and immediately felt better.
Yes, I realize that some of the "feeling better within an hour of taking a pill" was probably psychosomatic, but still, whatever works, right? Bottom line: I'm feeling pretty good right now.
As in: I don't feel that my job is destroying me. I have put that bad boy back in its place: it is a paycheck, it is a secure job, with possible advancement and decent benefits. It does not define me, and when I clock out at 6:30pm, I can leave it there. And I don't cry in the shower every morning before I have to go in just thinking about it. And seriously, Kathleen, with everything else going on in the world... snap the fuck out of it.
Bottom line: I'm feeling better. Life is manageable. And I am reminded time and again of other people who have it much, MUCH worse than myself who still manage to soldier through without a hint of a complaint.
I have a very close "work" friend who has lupus and was recently admitted into the hospital because her kidneys were failing, and she needs chemo. This very strong woman relayed this information to me very casually from her hospital bed where she was being pumped full of chemicals, and her one request: "just send me some funny messages to cheer me up".
And here I am, my entire family is happy and healthy, and I'm whining because my job may be a little bit challenging.
Whatever.
I have decided to forgive myself (it's easier that way) and focus on the good. And the funny.
With that in mind, let us all celebrate the fact that I have recently lost 7 lbs by doing no more than "doing" all of my major eating at lunch, and restricting my dinner caloric intake to a minimum...and cutting out the evening snacking altogether. It sucks, because I do miss my 1am gelato break, but I am willing to sacrifice it in the meantime if this is the end result.
My Mood Ring(tone) Of The Day:
There are tons of ways my chill pills help me. I know they help because when I quit them for a while I fall into a deep hole and can't see a way out. I must just have a chemical imbalance or some such shit. Anyway, we do what we must.
ReplyDeleteDon't blame yourself - it's chemical. Yes, your friend has an amazing attitude, but living with major depression and having a bout myself recently, it's entirely OK to live better through chemistry!
ReplyDelete