Saturday, June 30, 2012

Everything's Hotter In Texas...

supposedly.  Tell that to the SC/GA border, because it sucks balls to leave 104 degree weather to return home to 106 degrees.

I've long told people that the whole "dry heat" thing was bullshit: hot is hot. But oh, how I was wrong.  No, it really is different.  It really is the humidity that kills you.  And I am definitely feeling near death.

But I am home!  Finally, after a frantic near-miss of a connecting flight at Atlanta Hartsfield/Jackson, which my thighs are still screaming at me about after my two terminal sprint towards my final destination.  And I have to tell you...this business trip was much better than I expected.  It was, dare I say, actually fun.

I don't know if it's my age or my relatively "normal" weight which made this the most comfortable business trip I have ever taken but whatever the combination, I am grateful for it.  Never in my life have I felt so at ease meeting new people but this time I have felt a peace about it that I have never before experienced.  I think the weight thing definitely played a part because for once I have clothes that I am relatively comfortable wearing and I don't fear being in cramped spaces or having to squeeze into a desk or breaking a chair.  I would like to say age is a factor because I do not give a fuck what people think but I don't believe that could be completely it because let's face it: what is the age where a woman honestly doesn't give a fuck about her looks?  I don't think I'm quite there yet because as I sat with a 35 year old (who expressed surprise when I revealed that I was 40) and a 25 year old (who said "yeah no wonder you feel old") the age thing was obviously still a factor.

Whatever the reason I enjoyed myself immensely in the great state of Texas and I was reasonably relieved to arrive home to find that my own house wasn't in complete disarray after the Rottenator and the Nooge enjoyed a week of unsupervised bacherlorhoodness together.  Though there was an unsettling lack of tp that almost ended my relationship (when will boys learn that girls wipe EVERYTIME they use the bathroom?  And what do boys use as tp when they run out of tp?  I don't even want to know...)

Bottom line: I was social, I did not lock myself in my hotel room as is my usual habit, and I remained steely in my resolve to avoid any forbidden temptations even though I was surrounded by them on numerous occasions.

Oh, and the hotel...oh, the hotel.  With the 65 degree thermostat, daily cleaning, and king sized bed with adjustable mattress firmness...I think I shall miss you most of all.  *sniff*

I was also surrounded by mountains.  Who woulda thunk it?  Texas has mountains!

For your viewing pleasure:


Texas mountains!
Me photobombing a Texas mountain!

Me taking pics of mountains while on a social shopping excursion!
Me being social by taking dinner pics!

Me watching others partake at dinner and judging socially!

Me taking pics of a loud mariachi band while being social at dinner!       








































































The Nooge, gazing at me adoringly upon my return to being anti-social.        

Monday, June 25, 2012

Cankles and Fat Rolls and Muffin Tops Oh My!

Perhaps if I'd stuck to my original plan of trying to limit my food intake for about a week before my flight, I wouldn't feel like this today:



Oh, well.  Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  The two sausage biscuits this morning probably didn't help either.  And now my jeans are screaming for mercy.  Oh, but if only this weren't a business trip and I could travel comfortably in my fancy pants.


But alas, I cannot.  So I will endure, and pray that I won't need a seatbelt extender.  And hope that I miss the Rottenator and the Nooge, because right now, they are both on my last nerve.  Kathleen needs a break!

Until next time, my Mood Ring(tone) of the Day (natch):


Oh, but if I could channel Audrey Hepburn today!  And I'd forgotten that John Denver wrote this song originally, but I felt it bad luck and/or karma to post a video of him performing it, no?

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Silence Is Fucking Golden

It's really weird, I should be used to the Rottenator being gone at night being that he works most of them, but him being gone out of town overnight is much lonelier than him being at work overnight.           

And the Nooge is not so much a comforting presence as a god forsaken terror who's pretty damn lucky right now that he's too big to flush.

As I Sit Bleeding is the title of my next book.

Anyway, long day, tired, at least my feet will be happy that tomorrow is dress down day at work, hoorah!

Me: So, get some sleep, I love you.  Tell the hookers I said hey.

Rottenator:  I love you too and there are no hookers.  I'm too tired and I don't have money for hookers.

Me: So you're saying that the only things keeping you faithful to me are the fact that you're lazy and broke?

Rottenator: Pretty much.

Me: Works for me.

Who says romance is dead?

Meanwhile, Anderson Cooper is on Kathy Griffin's show tonight, and they are a hoot together, as my imaginary grandmother would say.



My Mood Ring(tone) Today: