Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Love and Hate

Stealing and slightly modifying an idea from one of my favorite bloggers, I've decided to create a list of things that I LOVE that other people hate.

  1. Candy corn: it's dividing, I know.  You either love or hate candy corn.  I happen to love it. Even more than candy corn, I love the little pumpkins that are made from the same sugar, corn syrup with a little bit of honey (healthy!) sludge.  LOVE it!  
  2. Mayonnaise: I order extra mayo on stuff.  I love it, can't get enough of it, don't care if it's unhealthy and fattening, I would slather that shit on a piece of cardboard and eat it if I could.
  3. Cooking shows: Top Chef, Master Chef, Top Chef Masters, Hell's Kitchen, Kitchen Confidential, if it involves food and cooking, count me in!  Which leads me directly to:
  4. Reality television.  My guilty pleasure. Not the normal "so you think you have talent well you don't so get the fuck off of my TV" shows, but stuff like Project Runway, Long Island Medium, Flipping Out, Real Housewives of Wherever, Say Yes to the Dress, Hoarders...I blame Bravo and The Learning Channel.
  5. Cats.  Don't have any use for dogs, but I do love kitties.  Even the Nooge (aka my Katten) who is currently crawling all over me and biting and clawing.  He's lucky that he is occasionally sweet and often amusing...I guess it's his survival instincts kicking in or else he would find himself out with the trash.
  6. Decorating for the holidays.  I will use any excuse to make anything sparkly, or light up, or glittery.  I would decorate for Labor Day if I could, but I'm not sure how to make union workers more festive...bedazzled hardhats perhaps?
  7. Grocery shopping: the grocery store is my mecca.  It is my moment of zen, where I find my inner peace.  Probably because it's the only time I'm able to spend by myself with no distractions or annoyances like pets or fiances.  Also, I'm surrounded by my favorite thing in the world: food.
  8. Citrus flavored desserts. I would choose a lemon pie over a chocolate pie any day.
  9. Country ham: smells like week old road kill, but it is so salty, dry and delicious.  However, even I can only stomach it once a year (traditional Christmas breakfast!)
  10. Cigarettes: yes, I've basically quit smoking, but I still miss it sometimes.  Not the smell, but the whole routine of it.  Which is why I have my e-Cig.  Though it's still not the same thing.  No matter how many different flavors I try (peanut butter and cake batter are two new faves), there is a relaxing sensation that comes with smoking a real cigarette that I still miss sometimes.  But not the possible lung cancer or emphysema that may eventually follow it.  I'll do just fine without those.
Not much more to say tonight; in fact, the above list was one that I started a few days ago and decided to go ahead and post as I don't have much more going on.  While the fall is definitely one of my favorite times of year, it also makes me melancholy for some reason.

My Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

PS: Did I mention that I love Chris Martin?  He is funny and brilliant.

Sunday, September 23, 2012


So, I'm watching the Emmy's and realized that I no longer watch enough television to relate to the Emmy's or even really enjoy them anymore.  I blame television programming more than I blame myself.

Even though I did take the advice of a friend and finally caught up on this show called "Episodes" on Showtime starring Matt LeBlanc from, ironically enough, Friends.  Of course, it's on Showtime, so I guess all television is not bad...just network television.

Here's a clip from the episode I related to the most because it dealt with LeBlanc's growing old and getting fat.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip of the very end, where he's watching old footage of himself while eating an entire cheesecake, but this was funny too.

This was my birthday weekend, and overall, it was a success. My sister did a particularly excellent job of celebrating the wonder that is me by providing a Pinterest worthy spread of Japanese food, including crab rangoon dip, pb & j sushi rolls, beef skewers with yum-yum sauce and a Hello Kitty cake!

As my brother-in-law said, "just what every adult needs".  Indeed.  I even shared my rings with my nieces...some of them.

Oh, and when I arrived back at Bella Cucina, I found two big boxes awaiting me and they contained these wondrous delights:
Purple retro diner barstools!  They are totally awesome sauce, and expertly put together...by me...alone.  Which is why they are put together correctly...unlike our new entertainment center...which is put together assbackwards...with unpainted particle boards staring out at me like ugly scars that haunt my nightmares.  Yes, I'm looking at you, Rottenator.  With your non-direction reading, no-patience having ass.

These chairs, however, are perfect and beautiful and I've made myself nauseous and almost barfed numerous times by spinning around in them and sitting up really high so I can pretend I'm tall.  They're also Nooge-approved.

More angles from which to attack.
I also got two lovely cards; one from my niece, the Artist-Futurally-Known-As-Victoria:
And even the Rottenator showed he had a heart:
Though this doesn't make up for the fact that he also ate the leftovers of my birthday dinner behind my back and polished off the White Chocolate Reeses but left the empty bag in the candy drawer.  WTF, doesn't he know me and my food issues by now?!!! Whatever.

I also bought myself some birthday goodies.
Finish date TBD

Shark Footie Pajamas!
Cute, right?

These are not, unfortunately, Nooge-approved.
Protective gear

And I'm finally joining the Smart-world; only 1 gig too late, but I'm still excited...
I'm purple, biatch!

So perhaps I'll soon be able to post pics with better quality than these:
Let me help you with that typo.

All in all, a successful birthday, so there's no reason to feel depressed and anxious...none at all...

My Mood Ring(tone) of the day:

Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Little Things...

So, even though I didn't get something accomplished yesterday that would be a BIG deal for me while taken for granted by a lot of other people (i.e., people who can drive), I'm okay today.

For now; it's still early. Things that are okay today:

  1. I got some sleep yesterday.
  2. The Rottenator and I are one step closer to getting a new car.
  3. I got a comforter for $17!  And it's nice.
  4. It's fall which means the weather is nice and the holidays are getting closer.
  5. I ate a double Whopper yesterday and lost four pounds...in one day.

Which brings me to this point; I shall link to my sister's blog because we have the same problem.  Our bodies are endlessly fascinating, but not in the cool "oooh, look at that, it's so sparkly and lights up and awe-inspiring and beautiful" way like this pumpkin:
I'm purple and sparkly and light up, say what?!?!

But more in a WTF is going on!?!? kind of way.  I can eat ice cubes and celery for a week or eat ice cream and pizza and my body only deviates 5-8 lbs.  The only problem with this is that my body is comfortable at a weight that I am not comfortable with it being...at.

I'd be much more comfortable minus 25-30 lbs, frankly, but I think this would entail exercising and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet.

So I'm going to have to deal with this for now.  Oh!  I just realized something!  I had half a bottle of water yesterday so maybe that's why I lost 5lbs.  Take note, sis!  Half a bottle of water is the magic exlir.  Now watch, I'll drink a whole bottle of water today and either wake up 10 lbs lighter, or have gained 15.  Who knows.

But that will not concern me today.
     6. I got a new vacuum cleaner.
     7. I found this in my mother's yard:
Not near a sewer...possibly still a ninja

Just chillin' in her front yard.  You can't see it in the picture, but he had evil orange eyes which prevented me from picking him up despite my sister's urging because she "wanted to see what happened".  Mom says it's a box turtle.  I figured it probably escaped from the teenager who lives next door who probably bought him about 10 years ago when he was the size of a teaspoon and he finally managed the 30 steps to the front yard.

I highly doubt he is a river cooter.  That would have been too cool!  Then I could have totally texted this pic to everyone I've ever met with the title "Check out my cooter!"  And then laughed hysterically because I'm so fucking hilarious.
     8.  I haven't thought about my birthday once today...until now...dammit.
     9.  I got nothing.
    10. I have to end my list in a even number of 10 because not doing so would disrupt the natural order of things.

My  Mood(ring) Tone of the Day:


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Mental Block

Remember not too long ago when I was complaining about NOT having a job and having no $?

Well, now I have a job and we have a bit of $ and now I'm complaining about my job, and my weight and my lack of motivation to clean my house so seriously, when am I going to stop whining and complaining and start counting my blessings?

Not today, kiddo, I can promise you that.

This job, OH-EMM-GEE, this job.  Well, not this job as much as this fucking whoremouth passive aggressive bitch from hell instructor I have who doesn't know her ass from a hole in the wall and treats a group of fairly intelligent women like children is driving me batshit crazy.

Completely.  She's awful, GOD awful, I couldn't stress that more.  But I'll sure as hell try.  Let me just say this much: Meryl is consistently making top scores in the class and SHE is going to her manager complaining about this woman.  'Nuff said.

The part I hate the most is that she makes me feel stupid and incompetent.  Not only is she not teaching us the important tools we need to be successful at our jobs, she is teaching us INCORRECT information.  She's twisted and dangerous and not in a fun, exciting way.

I shouldn't let it affect me like it does, but I can't help it.  I don't like feeling stupid, or having people treat me condescendingly.  I'm used to being the condescending, smart one.  So I guess this is karmic payback.

Well, enough already.  Of the karmic payback, that is.  October 1st.  10/1/12 is freedom; we move onto the next phase and have a new instructor.  And I can't fucking wait.  Maybe I'll have the motivation to clean my house by then.  Wouldn't it be nice if the Rottenator would do it for me?

Smiling is a sign of weakness

Doesn't that look like an enthused, strapping young man capable of washing a dish or changing a light bulb or, god forbid, scrubbing a toilet just ONCE? 

I guess not.  That's the face of a weak-stomached individual who got nauseated at the sight of the green goo coming out of a Cadbury's Screme Egg and couldn't finish it after one bite.

I ate two!
His loss, btw.  These things are delicious; another sign that Fall is coming, and not soon enough.  The weather is also getting cooler, which I'm enjoying.

So what am I complaining about anyway?  Not anything of importance, obviously.  But still I do.

Stupid birthdays.

Mood Ring(tone) of the Day:

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Magnetic Personality - the video edition

Thanks to the Bloggess, I was introduced to the music of this chick who wrote this exquisite song.

Amanda Palmer is fucking brilliant. The above video led me to this one:

which I love for obvious reasons (Owaysis Roolz!)

Her style reminded me of this band:
And this band:
And this song:
And it made me miss my old/young self even more.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Boo! On Many Different Levels...

First off, that whole passing tests and doing well at my job experiment?  Yeah, well, no one informed my brain of the decision to continue with this mission, so yeah, I failed my test.  By one freakin' question.  Just one more correct guess, and I would have been like Proactive: useless, but managing to just barely slide under the radar enough so that my incompetence wouldn't be noticed.  Good for him.

Retest in two weeks; at least this time I'll know a little more about what to study even without the help of my evil heifer of a trainer.  Much like last time.  So, not much has changed. Only now, I'm a failure.

Which was confirmed by a recent motivational message posted at my job:


Whatever.  I'm tired.  One thing that is not a failure of an experiment:

Verdict: cute and delicious: like me! Despite outward appearances.

Another discovery: the Nooge has proven not to be useless (though still a nuisance as he is currently chewing through the power cord of my laptop): he is a fearless roach trapper.  I would say killer, but he loses interest about halfway through his mission, which is when I swoop in and trap the hideous monster (no, not my kitten, the other one) in a tissue and flush it down the toilet with only a minimum of hysterical shrieking.

Teamwork, we has it!  I would insert a picture of said dead roach here, but that would entail me stopping my panic long enough to snap a photo and that would entail even more shrieking, so you'll just have to imagine it.

**I started this post about two weeks ago; not much has changed except work is still sucking, I really need to go to the dentist, and my house is even dirtier than it was two weeks ago. I'm in a funk, and not in a cool. Funkytown kinda way. I miss having friends.  I miss going to nice restaurants and trying new foods, and seeing movies and watching interesting television shows and discussing them ad nauseum. I miss spending time with people I have common interest with, not people who try to support me in my interests, and hobbies, but deep down, don't "get them"...or me. I'm tired of eating at restaurants with buffet, corral, or barrel in their names and gagging down mediocre or outright disgusting "food". I'm tired of feeling middle-aged, though I guess I technically am.

Yes, first world problems, I have them. Or the birthday blues. Whatever.  Oh, and I'm tired of hearing "things could be worse".  Yeah, I know, I remember, I was there.

Things could also be better.

Mood Ring(tone) of the Day: